Honesty is something you kind of want when you ask your spouse if they liked the meal you just cooked. Honesty is something you want in your craft...if it is said in a nice way...
Honesty is hard to give when you know that the one on the other end might be hurt, might become sad, might have some self-deprication that comes from it, when it could break a relationship...when it isn't pretty.
See I had someone be honest with me last June. I have had others try to be honest about the subject...but all of the things listed above just happened...they tiptoed...they never said what needed to be said.
Let me explain.
I know I have mentioned before about loosing the baby last April, 2012. It rocked us emotionally...and it also rocked me physically. About two weeks after loosing Glory baby I found myself in the hospital afraid I was having a heart attack. Because I am diabetic they kept me over night running every test you can possibly think of. Thankfully it showed nothing...but a really elevated blood pressure...that for me was scary.
I began taking my blood pressure several times through out the day keeping a log...trying to find a culprit. With all 3 of my other children blood pressure has been an issue either during pregnancy or those 6-8 weeks postpartum. I just chalked it up to all of that...in essence I had just had a baby and my body was trying to regulate itself...but it just wasn't working this time.
My endocrinologist was wanting to put me on some bp meds...I didn't like this idea. There was mention that diet and exercise could help lower the bp...
I travelled back home to Kansas to visit my family in June. When I am home I usually go see a doctor that our family loves. He is a chiropractor/naturopathic kind of doctor...he uses supplements to help the body...he has been huge in the nutrition and success of all 3 of my pregnancies. When I saw him in June we talked about my bp issues. He looked at me and so honestly said, "Allison I think after you lost the baby you just slipped into 'Allison' mode and didn't grieve all the way your body needed you too. I am also thinking that you really need to loose some weight. That will help your body in ways you can't imagine. When you are ready to be serious about it, call me. I have an idea for you."
Let me tell you that his honesty is what finally kicked me into gear. I don't know that any of my wonderful doctors that take care of me here...said it that plainly. You need to loose weight. Not just it would be a good idea. I had truly kind of resigned my self to the fact that I had had 3 children. I was 37, and a type 1 diabetic...this was the body I would have now. I had tried to loose weight from the births...each time retaining about 10lbs...so when I got pregnant with our 4th...I was already 30 lbs heavier than I was when I got pregnant with Caroline. I could loose "some" weight...but never all that I needed too.
I called Dr. Decanio and told him I was serious and wanted to hear what he had to say. He told me to buy "The Dukan Diet" by Dr. Pierre Dukan. He thought it could really work with my diabetes...
So, I bought the book. I took about 2-3 weeks to read it, prepare mentally, and to talk with Jason. I was going to need a partner to do this. Those are those hard conversations as spouses...when each of you knows you need to loose weight and you know your spouse needs to too...but to say that...that takes honesty and vulnerability. I am so thankful that Jason could hear my heart, and he could join me. I am so thankful we let each other's personalities work in this new way of living. He didn't want to read the book. This would usually get me in a tizzy...not this time. I knew that if I pushed that then he wouldn't do it. I might find a paragraph or two for him to read to have clarity on the "why" about something...but he just wanted me to tell him what he could eat each day and he would do it. We were a great team about this.
We began July 13. All the weight was lost by the beginning of Oct. AMAZING! I lost 36 lbs and Jason has lost almost 50. We now weigh less than we did when we got married. Even so, Dukan's method for keeping the weight off is working!! I won't go into all the details of the diet...you can read the book too. But I will say this...the shedding that happened- happened in more places than just my waist.
There was an emotional shedding of carrying the weight of "this is how I am going to have to be now", there was the shedding of shame, disgust, sorrow for what Jason had to look at, there was shedding of letting food control, there was a shedding of letting diabetes control....the shedding also happened in my heart in regards to loosing the baby. Something happened in all those minutes walking in the early dark mornings. A new sense of self has emerged. I feel like I have found Allison again.
I think there was also a part of me that felt vain if I really tried to loose weight. If I liked what I saw in the mirror. Would it be okay to get excited about what size of jean I was wearing...would it be okay...I think it is. I believe that my body is a temple. I have things to do here. Especially because of the diabetes I didn't want to have to look at my children someday and say, "Because I was lazy you now have to care for me b/c I can't walk anymore." or "I just didn't respect myself or you enough to take care of my body while I could so you have to take care of my body for me now." (Thanks Andy Stanley for those words of encouragement). I wasn't going to do that.
Nutritionally my bp is completely back to normal. Here is one of the amazing parts...I am on HALF as much insulin as I used to be. Are you kidding me!!! This is huge!!! I feel great. I am more confident than ever.
People ask Jason and I what we did..."what diet"...we tell them...but after we say...well hard work, diet, exercise, self-control and discipline.
Sometimes dear reader...there is a shedding that needs to happen. A shedding of self. A shedding of excuses. A shedding of the old self to see what the Lord might just have in store. Are you willing to shed? Are you willing to let others speak honestly into your life, and hear it. Let them.
A couple pics before...and after the diet.
