The Gathering

Back in college I had the opportunity and privilege  to be a part of a show called "Quilters."  It is an amazingly simple musical that looks at the lives of women back in the covered wagon days who used quilts to literally document and tell their family story and heritage.  I played Sarah, the matriarch of the group.  It was thrilling to read about the rides in the covered wagons, babies born on the trail, babies lost on the trail.  The women who already had 12 children, their husband was gone looking for land to settle and wouldn't be home for months and then she discovers she is pregnant...and she can't bear to bare another child...so what their version of an abortion looked like even back then.  And the the quilt that would emerge to tell that story.  The quilt that was built using the remnants of fabric from a wedding dress, or a christening gown, a sack cloth, a potato sack...they all were sown together to tell a story, and the fabric was as much of the story as the actual design, or the quilting stitch that was used.  I loved playing this character.  She rang true in my heart.  She rang true in my mom's heart.  She is a quilter too.

Momma has given us quilts to commemorate many special moments in our lives.  At high school graduation both my brother and I received our quilts that we were to take with us to college...it would be like momma was tucking us in to bed each night.

Right before I was married I received (as did my brother) another quilt with the marriage rings.  Mom pieced this one together but rather shipped it off to a Mennonite (my families heritage) quilters club in western Kansas to be quilted.  It is on our bed to this day.

At the birth of every grandchild (that makes 7) each of them have received their own "Grammy quilt"...which is covering all my babes as they sleep right now.  Mom would coordinate fabrics so that if it was a girl or boy there would be at least one piece of fabric that is actually in ALL of the quilts...tying them together...telling a story.

Well today something arrived in the mail from my momma.  The week that would have been a due date for a baby lost.  As I opened the box I saw it.  I didn't know it was coming.  I wept.  I knew as soon as I saw it, even not knowing the color or the design, or the stitches in the fabric...this was the quilt to honor the memory of our babies that have been lost.  Then I read the words penned by her...almost as eloquent as the stitching...I read it.   I wept.  I had to call mom before I even opened the quilt.  I called her and could only sob and just said thank you thank you thank you.  Then while on the phone with her I opened and spread out the quilt, in all it's beauty.  I was admiring all the intricacies of her time spent on this piece...and would sob.  There are some of her quilting markings (things that help to show you your pattern and where to stitch that are then supposed to come off when washed - these won't come up, no matter how hard she, or a professional cleaners attempted) on the quilt.  She began to tell me what my Aunty Sheila said about them.  Aunty Sheila told my mom not to worry, that I would understand.  That those marks would be another representation of the babies we lost and how they have permanently marked our lives.  Amen.  I love those quilt markings that won't come off.  Below are momma's words that she sent to me about this most amazing artwork.  It is the very heartbeat of us.  You'll notice some lyrics and lines from the musical "Quilters" - Sarah impacted this piece as well...

                                                           the needles eye

                                                          it doth supply

                                                       the thread that runs so true

Dearly Beloved,

Spring and Fall.  Significant times. Significant times for the 5 of you in this home.  Significant times for those of us who love you from a distance, yet are joined as close as the heart's chambers.

SARAH: You can't always change things.  Sometimes you don't have no control over the way things go.

The stages of this quilt began with a phone call.  Your tender and weeping voice said, "Mom, I guess you won't be making any more (baby) quilts for this home."

Instantaneously, this project was born.  After the fabrics were chosen, I began to design.  I knew that I wanted to quilt the traditional "Log Cabin" design.  This quilt I have named The Gathering.

SARAH: Look, these are all darks.  I've always had plenty of darks.  I use them if I need a shaded area in a block.  The Log Cabin patterns have lots of those...

SARAH: ("Log Cabin" block is shown)...that's why I like this pattern - the "Log Cabin."  It's just skinny strips sewn one to the other - nothin fancy but it sure turns out pretty.  And you can make this pattern from the tiniest of remnants, the bottom of the barrel - as long as they're the same width...

Historically, the center of each 'cabin' is red to represent the chimney - the heart of the home's warmth, both for cooking and comfort.  These cabins are comprised of 5 logs, representing the five children of Jason and Allison Hodges.  All five chosen by our Father.  All five impacting your life.  All five surrounded by earthly and heavenly love.  Gifts from a Perfect Triune God.

Five also represents the five heads of this household.  Father, Son, Holy Spirit, Jason, Allison.   Five who must be intertwined.  Five who choose the others, no matter the cost....no matter the circumstance...no matter the pain.  God has clearly chosen you, and you have clearly chosen one another.  Separately and together you have resolutely submitted to the Triune God.  Team.  No matter.  As it should be.  He gives and takes away.  Blessed be the Name of The Lord.

The colors of this quilt were chosen to complement those already chosen in your home.  The logs are typically sewn with one light side showing the sun's radiant affect on a home, while the dark side represents the times of sadness.  As it should be.  Season of life.  Markers.

The anchor of this cabin, the chimney, is strong and supporting.  The Lord is your anchor and the foundation of your legacy.  Both of you are strong...yet in full need of the other.  This dependence on your Lord, then on one another, is pictured in the layered logs...one upon another, supporting...strengthening...enduring.  As it should be.  Marriage.  Home.  Family.

Every log in my house*Straight as a pine can grow*Every log in my house*Straight as a pine can grow

Every room has a window and every room has a door

And there's a dandelion carpet growing through the floor

The red, framing the quilt's interior, represents the blood of Jesus Christ, poured over you, instilling the truth of repentance, forgiveness, adoration, and commitment.  I have quilted the lines of the cabin, all leading to the home's heart, in a figure 8 pattern - crisscrossing - as your lives intersect.  Hodges and Unruh.  Husband and Wife.  Parent and Child.  Child and Child.  Fun and Serious.  Youth and Aged.  Heaven and Earth.  Chain never broken.  Never.

Along the outside border the quilting flows with highs and lows....wave upon wave.  You will notice that on each side of the quilt the waves hit a wall...quite the story of the growth of your family.   Smooth sailing.  Brick wall.  Over and over.  All part of this marvelous adventure set before you.

Praying for you as I sewed these stitches was one of my life's deep pleasures.  Snuggle.  Giggle.  Weep.  Hold.  Release.  Picnic.  Sleep.  Tuck in a closet.  Family.  Legacy.

SARAH: Give her the fruit of her hands and let her works praise Him in the gates.....

                                                      The Gathering

                                                quilted by Carolyn Unruh 2013

No words right....the symbolism, the heart...

I told my mom these things later after I had had more time to process it all:  I have been so sad that the "having" babies is probably over.  And have put an "end date" on being a mommy.  Hope turning 18.  But today.  Hope springs anew.  I can still find the art in mothering even when they leave. This today, was the "art of mothering" at it's best.  It doesn't end because my babes will leave our home someday.  Or they age or live far away.  It is the art of figuring them out and how to mother them in the sorrow and joy - close yet far enough away.  Much like the shading an artist might do or a special technique used to give "light" to  a canvas.  Mothering is artful.  Thanks for painting momma.      

                                                  

Affording Things

"We can't afford that."

We say this in our home.  I love saying this.  That may sound silly, but I think sometimes it would be so much easier to just spend the money we don't have rather than have a hard conversation, or say no to our child...

Here is what I love almost as much as the phrase itself.  It isn't unusual for them to hear it.  I love that when my stash has run low and they ask if we can go to Chic-fil-a I am able to say, "No we can't afford that right now, I am out of cash."  Sure it is disappointing.  I would love to go to CFA also.  I would LOVE to see their delight...but we can't afford it.  I love that when we go to the store to buy a gift for a friend and I have just enough budgeted to be able to actually take a gift to the party that when their sweet voice asks if they get to buy a book too and I say, "No this isn't about you today, it's about our friend.  I have just enough money to get something for them."  There is disappointment, but it isn't earth shattering because they have heard this from each of us often.

Early on when I was reading one of my favorite mommy books "Dr. Denmark said  it!" this truth about this subject really hit home with me as a vital thing that was important to teach and tell our kids.

"If parents would just teach their children that everything has a price...One of the most important phrases for them to learn is 'I can't afford it.'  The happiest children in the world are those who have something to wish for, something to give them a thrill.  I'll never forget what Mary said one day to a friend as they played outside my window.  She was admiring the other child's pretty dress.  "Why don't you ask you mother to buy you one like it?' the little girl asked.  'We can' afford it,' Mary answered.  I was so glad to hear her say that.  She learned as a child that there were things we couldn't afford, and she was content with what she had.  I've never heard her complain about not having enough."

Jason and I found ourselves in a predicament.  We had allowed Caroline to take both Gymnastics and dance this fall.  She had been wanting to try gymnastics for awhile and we thought we ought to give it a whirl and see if she was good at it, or loved it more than dance.  We told her from the beginning it was expensive to do both, we would try it and see if we could make it work.  A couple months in we are realizing it is hindering us rather than moving us forward.  She was wanting to also do the Nutcracker, something had to give in way of time and money.  Gymnastics needed to go.   I was dreading having to tell C.  Knowing that I had to.  Trying to think of when a "good" time would be.  We were in the car driving and I turned down the music so I knew I had her attention.  I told her we needed to have a conversation.  She wasn't in trouble and it wasn't about anything bad but this is how it went.

Me:  Caroline we need to have a conversation about gymnastics.  We aren't going to be able to afford doing it anymore.  We might be able to talk about it again in the summer when you take a break from dance, but right now paying for both things isn't working.  Do you understand?

C: (long pause) Why?

Me: Well, gymnastics is expensive.  You are also wanting to do the Nutcracker and we can't keep doing it all.  You will get to finish the month out, but then we are going to take a break from gymnastics because we just can't afford it.

C:  (pause)  Ok.  I get it.

Me:  I appreciate the way you are handling this Caroline.  Thanks.

I think back to the simple advice of Dr. Denmark.  I am so thankful she has heard us saying this since she was little.  I think forward to high school years, or even college discussions...there are going to be things we can't afford.  So glad that won't be the first time they hear it.

In being a mom it's so important to teach them hard things.  To say no.  Man it was hard to tell her we needed to drop that activity.  There wasn't anything in me that wanted to do that.  I love hearing her say that she is an "athlete" (he he he).  I love watching her "practice" gymnastics around the house and try to teach Hope how to do a forward roll.  I LOVE her being active.  But, I love my daughter enough to say hard things to her too.  Sometimes I hesitate because I am afraid of what the reaction might be...but it's my job.

Say the hard thing.  Incorporate this phrase into your conversations moms.  It will be freeing.