Affording Things

"We can't afford that."

We say this in our home.  I love saying this.  That may sound silly, but I think sometimes it would be so much easier to just spend the money we don't have rather than have a hard conversation, or say no to our child...

Here is what I love almost as much as the phrase itself.  It isn't unusual for them to hear it.  I love that when my stash has run low and they ask if we can go to Chic-fil-a I am able to say, "No we can't afford that right now, I am out of cash."  Sure it is disappointing.  I would love to go to CFA also.  I would LOVE to see their delight...but we can't afford it.  I love that when we go to the store to buy a gift for a friend and I have just enough budgeted to be able to actually take a gift to the party that when their sweet voice asks if they get to buy a book too and I say, "No this isn't about you today, it's about our friend.  I have just enough money to get something for them."  There is disappointment, but it isn't earth shattering because they have heard this from each of us often.

Early on when I was reading one of my favorite mommy books "Dr. Denmark said  it!" this truth about this subject really hit home with me as a vital thing that was important to teach and tell our kids.

"If parents would just teach their children that everything has a price...One of the most important phrases for them to learn is 'I can't afford it.'  The happiest children in the world are those who have something to wish for, something to give them a thrill.  I'll never forget what Mary said one day to a friend as they played outside my window.  She was admiring the other child's pretty dress.  "Why don't you ask you mother to buy you one like it?' the little girl asked.  'We can' afford it,' Mary answered.  I was so glad to hear her say that.  She learned as a child that there were things we couldn't afford, and she was content with what she had.  I've never heard her complain about not having enough."

Jason and I found ourselves in a predicament.  We had allowed Caroline to take both Gymnastics and dance this fall.  She had been wanting to try gymnastics for awhile and we thought we ought to give it a whirl and see if she was good at it, or loved it more than dance.  We told her from the beginning it was expensive to do both, we would try it and see if we could make it work.  A couple months in we are realizing it is hindering us rather than moving us forward.  She was wanting to also do the Nutcracker, something had to give in way of time and money.  Gymnastics needed to go.   I was dreading having to tell C.  Knowing that I had to.  Trying to think of when a "good" time would be.  We were in the car driving and I turned down the music so I knew I had her attention.  I told her we needed to have a conversation.  She wasn't in trouble and it wasn't about anything bad but this is how it went.

Me:  Caroline we need to have a conversation about gymnastics.  We aren't going to be able to afford doing it anymore.  We might be able to talk about it again in the summer when you take a break from dance, but right now paying for both things isn't working.  Do you understand?

C: (long pause) Why?

Me: Well, gymnastics is expensive.  You are also wanting to do the Nutcracker and we can't keep doing it all.  You will get to finish the month out, but then we are going to take a break from gymnastics because we just can't afford it.

C:  (pause)  Ok.  I get it.

Me:  I appreciate the way you are handling this Caroline.  Thanks.

I think back to the simple advice of Dr. Denmark.  I am so thankful she has heard us saying this since she was little.  I think forward to high school years, or even college discussions...there are going to be things we can't afford.  So glad that won't be the first time they hear it.

In being a mom it's so important to teach them hard things.  To say no.  Man it was hard to tell her we needed to drop that activity.  There wasn't anything in me that wanted to do that.  I love hearing her say that she is an "athlete" (he he he).  I love watching her "practice" gymnastics around the house and try to teach Hope how to do a forward roll.  I LOVE her being active.  But, I love my daughter enough to say hard things to her too.  Sometimes I hesitate because I am afraid of what the reaction might be...but it's my job.

Say the hard thing.  Incorporate this phrase into your conversations moms.  It will be freeing.