Especially Easter

There are moments I want to impart a special set apart season in our family. It seems rather obvious to do Thanksgiving and Christmas...and I think there are also thoughts that Easter also ought to be made special...but I don't know how it ends up being almost an afterthought. I don't want it to be. I want this Holy Week that is upon us to be that...a Holy week.

I have mentioned in previous posts about traditions in the home. I read a book by Noel Piper called "Treasuring our Traditions" that has changed how I think about traditions. Basically, there are everyday traditions that we teach our children (like our quiet time with the Lord, family prayer etc), but there are also "especially traditions" those things that should be set apart (like birthdays, holidays etc). Well...Easter is no different. This book has some great ideas...some for when our kids are older...and I think they can grasp the true somber tone of what this week represents...and then the ultimate JOY of Easter morning...our Savior Risen! But, for little ones...to contemplate a whole Lent season might be more than they can do. She also mentions that doing the "little kid" version is only appropriate as long as they take it seriously. As soon as it becomes silly it is time to move on.

I thought I would share one of her ideas if you have little ones that we have been doing in our home. I think this will be the 3rd year to do it (last year we missed out as I was birthing Hope). Basically she has a recipe to make a play doh mountain and bake it...this mountain also has a space carved out to be the cave or tomb where Jesus is laid. Then you have pipe cleaner people to be the different people in the Holy Week story. On your own go through the scripture and assign different parts of the story to different days of the week. On Saturday nothing happens...no part of the story...it is a waiting...and then on Easter morning your Jesus pipe cleaner guy (gotta love it) gets to be standing on top on your play doh mountain arms raised in victory and then hearing your little ones see it for the first time and hearing their exclamations of him being alive is just wonderful.

I'm not saying to do this necessarily...but this is an "Especially" holiday...the whole crux of our relationship with our Lord is based on his death AND resurrection! I can't wait for Sunday to roll around and our week be set apart as something special.

I was also thinking that I wished there were songs that were more than something Sandy Patty sang that were for Easter(now don't get me wrong I love me some Sandy Patty and Larnell Harris duets...but...)so I was thinking about busting out some Christmas Carols with my kids this week and talking about how if Jesus hadn't been born then we wouldn't have cause for Easter...I mean think about some of the lyrics and then apply it to the night of his death as well...

So reader...find your kind of especially moment with your children this season....

"O Holy Night. The stars are brightly shining, it is the night of our dear Saviors birth. Long lay the world in sin and error pining. Til he appeared and the soul felt its worth. A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn! Fall on your knees! O hear the angel voices! O night divine! O night when Christ was born! O night divine! O night, O night divine!"

Can you imagine the night He died...the angel voices...the grief...and then a thrill of hope for a weary world when yonder breaks a new and glorious morn...you can't help but fall on your knees...O night divine...O night divine!

*pic from Easter last year as I was in the hospital having Hope and Wyatt and Caroline were home with my parents dying Easter Eggs...

It's Still Important

First...a couple of things. If this is your first time to the blog you might want to check out why it is called "A Penny for your Thoughts" and go read the post back in December called "Intentional Time".

Second...for those of you DYING for a potty training update...Wyatt Christopher now tells me when he needs to go...and does so! It's a beautiful thing. He figured out that when he went he got to play "Cars 2" on my phone. Now...we have had to instigate a 3 second pee rule in order for him to get to pee b/c one time he went in there and literally willed 3 drops to come out...he thought he had me...oh no...the 3 second pee rule came in to play.

Now for today's post....

I am a people pleaser. This is not new news to me. I like people to be proud of me. Never disappointed. To think my choices or decisions are wise etc. This however has sometimes affected my decisions...especially if there is opposition. I have tended to voice my difference but in the end usually side with or go with the other option more out of not wanting to disappoint rather than it necessarily being the best choice.

We were presented with a decision recently where this came in to play...it has been freeing for me. Jason and I were trying to decide something that really had no right or wrong answer. But he differed in what he thought. The situation wasn't important to him like it was to me. I actually sought council on the decision, I prayed about it...I didn't want to disappoint him or others involved. What I came to realize while I was journaling was this (this is where it became a game changer for me and I hope I remember this FOREVER)...

Just because it isn't important to him doesn't mean it has to be less important to me.

Let me type that again so you don't have to re read....

Just because it isn't important to him doesn't mean it has to be less important to me.

So freeing to know that yes sometimes you have to acquiesce to the others desire...however even if you do that your opinion doesn't have to necessarily lessen. It is okay that it is still important to you.

So reader...I chose something that wasn't necessarily a "right" answer...but an important one for our family, for me. It's freeing.

A Child's Prayers

I love listening to a child pray. The rambling, honest, repetitive, blunt, graphic prayers of a child. A friend reminded me of one of Caroline's prayers from a couple of years ago that I thought I would share.

So...let's set the scene. Caroline must be about 2 1/2-3 and just beginning to want to pray out loud. Most of the practice with that comes at meal time. So it's dinner and we asked Caroline if she would like to bless the food. She does. It's precious...not sure the food was actually blessed! HA! Then, we take about two bites, and she would like to pray again. So, she does. We stop - hold hands - bow heads and listen to her precious prayer. This must go on for about 2-3 more times...we don't want to squelch the desire to pray...but we have to eat at some point right?

Well...Caroline asks if she can pray one more time. I told her of course, but Mommy and Daddy were going to keep eating and she could keep praying as long as she wanted to. This is basically the prayer that followed...mind you this is like prayer #5 or #6

"Dear Jesus bless my bottom. Bless Mommy's bottom. Bless Daddy's penis, and bless Wyatt's penis."

This is where the spit take would have happened if this were being filmed or performed live on stage! But of course Jason and I don't want to laugh because we don't want her to think that we are laughing at her or her prayers. I mean isn't that just the best prayer EVER! Oh my goodness. Jason and I were just dying. We looked at each other and were like..."Did she just say what I think she said? Did she just bless your loins!" HA!

I guess two more children later...she did!

Enjoy your little ones ramblings. I am reminded in their string on prayers that they just talk to the Lord. Nothing is contrived...no thought is thought out before it is said...they truly say what they are thankful for even if they are thankful for the wall (as Wyatt says often)...Oh Lord...fill my mouth with string on prayers that express my true thankfulness for my world and surroundings...and Lord...thanks for blessing my bottom and Jason's penis. HA!

*a pic of Caroline at about 2 1/2 years old

Catching Your Kids Doing Good

Hi! I am pregnant! Yikes!

Okay that is out of my system for a moment I am sure.

I have noticed that most often I am catching my kids messing up. Right?! I mean we are teaching and coaching and training all throughout the day of things to change and work on. Hopefully, throughout each day we are also finding opportunities to praise our kids. I would love to thing praising happens more than critiquing...but I'm not so sure.

So we have two tools that we use in our home that have helped with discipline and rewards. They are called the "IF-THEN Chart" and "The Blessing Chart" found at www.doorposts.com. The "IF-THEN Chart" has been awesome on the discipline front to help with the consistency factor. You know how when you are in the throws of coaching/training/discipline it is easy to give in, or forget what that current punishment was going to be. This hangs on our fridge and has served as a great reminder to the behavior that is expected. Now that I think about it, I probably need to get back on the wagon and be more consistent with some of these if I truly want to see change in behavior.

But the reason for today's post is about "The Blessing Chart"...this is catching your kids doing GREAT things! Showing cheerfulness, thankfulness, peacemaking, truthfulness, obedience, submissive to authority, honoring, pleasant words, wise speech, kindness, gentleness, mercy, diligence, giving and sharing....so with each of these, like the if-then chart there is a verse that goes with it and then a space for you to decide what the reward will be. Caroline has gotten this reward a handful of times. I might catch her helping a sibling without me asking. Or maybe she cleans her room all by herself without me asking...etc. She has gotten "blessings" like an ice cream cone w/ daddy, and getting to stay up late and watch one extra show. This goes over like gang busters! What is so fun too is that they don't get a blessing every time they show this action, so it is a surprise. Sometimes Caroline will ask for a blessing chart reward and then that is a fun conversation about not asking for a blessing, but just receiving it when it comes.

I had been aware that sweet Wyatt hadn't gotten ANY blessing chart rewards yet. I wasn't even sure he was aware of them. I feel like most of the time I am working with him on his gentle touch with his baby sister Hope...yikes she is NOT a toddler! Well, one day I witnessed him on his own pushing Hope in the outside swing gently!!! Amazing! He was acting like the big brother we have been talking about. I shared with Jason when he got home and said that I thought we ought to do a blessing chart with him. Soooo, after we did stories, songs, and prayers I got to tell Wyatt that Daddy and I wanted to bless him that night. We had observed him choosing to act kindly and gently to his sister when he was pushing her in the swing and that meant that he was going to get to leave his light on and read books or play with a few toys in his bed for 30 extra minutes. I wish I could have captured his sweet smile creep across his face...or actually know what the wheels turning around in his brain were communicating long term to his heart! This was a huge hit with him.

The verse that is at the top of the blessing chart is this. "But to him who sows righteousness will be a sure reward. Proverbs 11:18" What a GREAT thing to teach our children. Plus it sure is a practical hands on way to honor our kiddos for doing GOOD things instead of always noticing the bad. I even write it down when I see it b/c inevitably I will forget. This has helped also to go back at the end of the day and as we are tucking kids in we can be specific in the words we leave them with at night of good things we noticed throughout the day!

So reader...go catch your kids doing GOOD and bless the heck out of them!

*pic of Wyatt pretending to be Jake from "Jake and the Neverland Pirates"

A Welcome Surprise

In an earlier post called "Big Rocks" I mentioned that Jason and I had spent some time deciding on what our "big" things were going to be for the year. There was a handful of things on that list...health/nutrition, family vacation, individual time w/ each child, etc. One of them was for us to be praying about whether or not we thought a 4th child was in our future. The Lord answered that one for us....I am pregnant! Woah! Probably due sometime in November.

I think if you had asked me I would have said that yes I thought there was another child in our future...but...ummm a little further apart. Regardless we are thrilled.

Every other time we have found out Jason was with me, so this was the first time I took a pregnancy test with out Jason at home. I had to keep it to myself ALL day! Well, I told Hope, I figured she wouldn't tell anyone. Ha! Jason and I actually had a date night already on the calendar so that worked out great. I picked him up from work and we drove the restaurant. I had called ahead to get a little help telling Jason. I had asked that when we order our appetizer and they bring it out if they would bring me a bowl of ice cream with pickles on top. They did. I started eating the ice cream. Jason looked at me and said, "Did you order that? I don't see that on the menu." As he was looking at the menu I pulled out the rock from our "Big Rocks" labeled "4th Child ??" and the pregnancy test. I handed those to him and he said "Oh my goodness you are pregnant. I am so excited."

It was awesome! We then called our parents, siblings and friends...then the social media...We think we might as well tell people right off the bat so they could be praying. See...with me being Type 1 Diabetic it is a bit of a challenge to do the pregnancy thing. That said...my doctors say that I am in excellent health and they would advise me differently if they felt I shouldn't have any more children. This is not the case.

Sooo I have already made the phone calls to doctors to begin the process that I go through managing my diabetes while carrying a baby. Our prayer here moving forward is for endurance, self-control (with food), and overall health and development for the baby. It is critical in this first trimester for excellent blood sugar control. Poor management usually results in birth defects for the baby...everything from limb development, to heart, etc. First trimester with a diabetic is a big deal. We would covet your prayers too.

So that's the big scoop for today. On a parting note this is how it went this morning telling Wyatt and Caroline. At breakfast we said guys we have some exciting news to tell you. It's really great. Can you guys what it is? Caroline just smiled and looked at us. Wyatt said, "Another baby!" I love how the Holy Spirit readies their hearts. That has then led us on name discussions through out the day. If you can imagine most of them revolve around some name from Cars 2! Hilarious. Oh this ride we are on! It delights my heart!

The Education - Part II

I am nervous. A bit apprehensive to share. Why, oh why do I care what you think? Human nature. I ponder at you all who really are able to not care what others think. I want people to like me, to agree with me, to think we are wise in our decisions...but honestly it doesn't matter what you think does it? This decision is between Jason, me, and the Lord.

If you are joining in recently you might want to read the first part of this post from January titled - "The Education" to get some perspective.

We have toured. We have prayed. We have discussed. We have sought advice. I have cried. I have heard opinions from those close to us, and not...

In the previous post I asked for prayer that Jason and I would be like minded in our decision. We are. What JOY that truly brings me. To make a significant decision like this with your spouse to have wrestled with one another...argued...cried...debated...prayed...yet ultimately to end up like minded is such a beautiful thing. I think it can be a rare thing. Reader...when you find yourself wanting it YOUR way, I believe it will be painful. When you want a decision driven by the "us" of your marriage it is peaceful - beautiful - easy.

Caroline will be going to our public school down the street! Sawnee Elementary! We are thrilled. When we went and looked at the school an immediate peace came over us. We met several teachers. Not kidding, every staff member we encountered stopped in the hall, smiled, greeted us...that is rare I think in ANY work environment. Impressive. There were several things that stuck out to us...but overall there was a peace upon us both as we were there. This was the right fit for OUR family.

I have been nervous to say anything because...I think there is a part of me that thinks some of you will think less of me/us for not home schooling. I have been such an advocate of home schooling the past 3 years...I honestly can hardly believe how excited I am about our family decision. I'm not saying we never will...but for next year...we will be in public education.

After deciding this a couple of weeks ago I find myself crying even more (if that is possible)...the untying in this relationship with your children - however appropriate is still difficult. As I was making her lunch last week I began to tear up thinking about NOT eating lunch with her every day. There are a handful of days where we haven't had lunch together...most of them involve me in the hospital birthing another child. Ha! Then at dinner one night she asks about the lunch room at Sawnee. She says that if she doesn't want to eat what they are serving can I just make a lunch for her and send it with her. I tell her yes, of course. I then explain it will be things like sandwiches etc. She then tells me that I could just make the mac-n-cheese and bring it up there to school. - Insert me beginning to cry, trying to mask it - I then explain to her that that isn't really how it works. Tear my heart out!

So. There. It's public. I am not sure if you all really do care where my children go to school...but let me encourage you reader to be open to what the LORD would have for your families...not what YOU would have for them. We will continue to ask Him what He would have for our kids each year...perhaps each semester...but know this...being like minded with Jason trumps any kind of "do it my own way" mentality and just telling Jason this is how we were going to do it. Like that would fly with him anyway.

My take away from this process is how gentle the Lord is in His pruning, leading process. I am so thankful. How is your pruning session going?

*pics from different home school days with our friends over the past 3 years. Everything from puzzles, to story time, to worship...very thankful!

Impacting Words

Words mean something. They impact. They shape. They nurture. They comfort. They heal. They wound. Words are active.

There have been some instances in my life of words or phrases that have stuck to me...still as an adult, whether good or bad they have stuck. For instance...

1. (spending the night for one of two times I can actually remember at my grandparents home...I am having a tough time falling asleep...probably crying)

"Why can't you be more like your brother?"

This shaped me and my relationship with my grandmother in huge ways. I knew I would never measure up to Darren. I knew I would never be enough, I would never be as smart, I would always be too emotional...and never Darren. Still some 30 years later these words affect.

2. (Mrs. Golub's 4th grade class. Home of the Mustangs. My brother is in the gifted program - I am not. I am fairly certain this means I am dumb although NO ONE ever said this.)

"Allison, you are smart. You can do this."

Mrs. Golub forever changed me. She was the first teacher to either tell me, or make sure that I actually heard her...that I was SMART. What? I believed her. I am so thankful I did.

(I am in Budapest, Hungary on a trip with the theater dept from TCU. There are 8 students and 2 professors. We are all sitting around eating. I am not sure what the conversation is...however, it does involve some kind of moral something or other...one of my professors leans over the other booth and says.)

"You are so square Unruh."

Hmmm. Really. I have been pondered by his need to weigh in on my choices for my life in the way he did. Note...he had an "open" marriage with his wife so I am sure that I was most definitely square. However, this has stuck with me. Am I looked at this way as a bad thing? I have never really been able to get my head around this one. Still 16 years later it is remembered.

There have been lots of other things "said" to me in my life that have shaped me. I just found it interesting how these three have stuck out to me as I was thinking about this concept. It causes me to wonder and pray about what kind of words are coming out of my mouth that are impacting the little hearts I interact with each day. The interesting thing is I bet if I went back and asked these three people about their words that were said to me none of them would remember. They were passing words. The most dangerous I think.

In those "moments" you have with your kids that are filled with discipline or big moments that you know you need to watch your words...it is those passing words that just come out...so reader...what are your passing words like? My prayer is that I would literally have a muzzle on my mouth for passing words. It says in scripture that I will be held accountable for EVERY word. Crap. Oooops. Every word. Guard well your words...

*pics Hope swinging, Wyatt pretending to be Jake from "Jake and the Never Land Pirates", Caroline who reminds me of a great hat needed in "Hello Dolly"

Nursing - Part II

As you can see from yesterdays post...nursing finally worked for us. We worked hard at it. I pumped often to try to get something going. Also, if you have read the post called "Babies, Babies, Babies" you know that I do the whole schedule thing. I will tell you that while the schedule is GREAT! And I wouldn't pass up the full nights of sleep...the 4 hour schedule for me and a 12 hour sleeper at night diminished the stimulation opportunities and my milk supply did suffer.

To off-set the lack of stimulation I would do an additional pump before I went to bed around 10pm...every night. I share this because I wanted you to know reader that there is balance. Let me set the stage.

Baby blues didn't really hit me that hard with Caroline or with Wyatt...so I thought. Wyatt was so sick as a little guy that I got in my head the role and responsibility that I had in protecting him and nourishing him. I was doing the standard pump at 10pm for quite awhile...I was very passionate about it. Jason would see my fatigue and try to encourage me to drop that pump session and go to bed earlier. I would get so defensive with him...telling him that he had no idea...this was the only way I could maintain milk supply for Wyatt. I was beginning to be unhealthy in my thoughts.

It wasn't until April (So Wyatt is 5 months old...he's been sleeping through then night since he was probably 10 weeks old...)that I was having the conversation with my mom on the phone and I actually heard the unhealthy things coming out of my mouth...

Mom: What's keeping you so fixated on needing to pump that last one of the day.
Me: (getting defensive)Mom you don't understand this is the only way to keep up the milk supply.
Mom: I understand that. Don't you think you could drop it just every other night even?
Me: No. I have to pump. If I don't who will feed him if I die. There has to be enough milk in the freezer to get him through.

PAUSE

Hmmm. I heard it. Oh. My. Goodness.


Mom: Oh honey. That's not your job. The Lord loves him so much and would care for him if something tragic happened. Oh sweetie. Are you okay? Do you need to talk to someone.
Me: Oh my. I am just hearing it now for the first time since I am verbalizing these thoughts I've been having. I have been trying to take care of him "in case" I die. What? I'm okay mom. Hearing it...that's amazing. I had no idea I was THERE. Wow.


So that night I didn't pump. I watched the supply in the freezer dwindle...I had to relinquish control of my little guys well being to the LORD.

I wanted to share this because I think that it is important to know that there is also a time to stop. A time to stop pushing your brain over the edge. Some times you need to get help, see someone, and perhaps have some medical intervention. Some times you just need to hear it - like me- and hear the unhealthy thought conversations. I just want you to know that if this is you reader...you are not alone. Allowing the Lord to be the one to care for my baby was hard. It was so freeing to stop trying to be in charge. You know.

Relinquish. He's got it!

*pic of Wyatt be still my heart in that hat and dimples, and one of the sisters...precious.

Nursing - It's just not natural

If you are a guy (not sure any of you out there are males reading this) not sure this post is for you. I am going to be pretty honest about some nursing issues and that might not be for you...

I know some of you out there might be new to the whole new born/nursing thing...I hope that my experience might be an encouragement to you. First of all, remember you have to do what is best for you. You know your limit. But also, sometimes you just need a cheerleader to say you can do it, when you don't think you can't. This is what worked for us.

When I had Caroline (our first) I was set and determined to nurse. I knew it would be something to get used to...but I had no idea what I was in for. This became one of the hardest things I had ever done. In the hospital I am all hormonal...I feel like I have this limited time w/ the lactation consultant and I must glean all possible information from her. I have Jason there with me to make sure that I am hearing all the info she has to say. One time my mom and mother-in-law are there...which is fine...but now looking back I should have probably just asked them to leave b/c I felt stressed out trying to learn in front of them...like it wasn't supposed to be that hard. They never made me feel that way...it was this "mother" kind of thing with all of us females in there while I am trying to learn...but it was still weird (funny to see how far I have come now with having had them in the birthing room).

I am trying to figure out how to hold her but still be kind of aggressive and get that dang nipple in her mouth. Then, holy cow, it hurts. She keeps falling asleep...we strip her down to her diaper, get a wet cloth to place on her back and head to try to keep that sleepy girl awake. I just don't think I am getting it...is she getting anything? Well...she is pooping and peeing...she must be getting something.

We leave the hospital. Every three hours I am getting myself in just the right position in this one specific chair in our house. I have the boppy all set up. My mom or Jason would strip her down and bring her to me. I would gear up. I would have a chat with Caroline, sometimes I would pray, I would tell her we are a team and we have to work together to figure this thing out. I put her on...it hurts so bad. My toes are curling in reaction to the pain...tears slide down my cheeks...but I look at this little one and I have to keep going - for 20 min. Then change a diaper and repeat it all on the other side. After I would nurse I then began to pump for 15-20 min...every single time...they said it would help to produce more milk.

A couple of points here...Because we had decided for me to stay home and not work anymore I felt this overwhelming burden to nurse and NOT do formula b/c it is so stinkin' expensive. Jason would tell me all the time it was okay and if we needed to do formula then we needed to do formula...I wouldn't quit. Another thing motivating me was a wonderful role model I had had in my early 20's. I worked at Kanakuk and my boss was Diane Cooper. They were surprised with a 6th child who ended up having Downs Syndrome. I talked to her shortly after he was born and she was telling me that it took 6 weeks to teach him how to nurse, but she just knew if she stuck with it the nutritional benefits alone would benefit him so much. I knew if she could do it with him...surely I could do it with Caroline.

When Caroline would go in for all of those early doc apt to check weight...she wasn't gaining enough. She had jaundice at the beginning too, so I would supplement after I nursed to try to get enough fluids in her...it was consuming...it was all I thought I about. It was hard to convey to Jason how I thought about it. I remember realizing that he would never be stuck in thought on the nutrition of our kids and how much they were eating. Much like I am never consumed with our finances...never will be...and I am sure he wishes I was.

I cried a lot in the beginning. Nursing was just so hard. The lactation line at the hospital is programmed into my phone. I almost called them daily...asking questions...not sure why it still hurt so badly...2 weeks later it still was crippling the pain. The bleeding, chapped nipples were wow...painful. Caroline was still so little.

Finally, after 4 weeks in one of my phone conversations with the lactation consultant she just said that she thought I ought to come in and have another session with them in person. Sadly, this wouldn't be covered by insurance...Jason smart as he is knew this would be worth it for my sanity...so I set up the apt. As soon as she got C on...I lit up...I looked at her and said "This doesn't hurt. Is this how it is supposed to feel?" Now that felt right...that felt natural. I couldn't believe it. She also gave me one of those shields...I didn't know about those. I could just put it over the nipple and use that to allow that one side to heal (the skin had come off in one spot and had left an exposed sore)...that changed the game. After about a month of using the shield I slowly stopped using it. Nursing was working.

It took 4 weeks to figure out.

I wish I had gone sooner to talk in person. I just thought I could figure it out...that this was how it was supposed to be. I will say though that the Lord taught me some awesome lessons about provision during this time. He bonded Caroline and I in a special way. I was able to nurse for 10 months at which point she quit. Each baby has gotten much easier.

For me...it was worth the fight to figure it out. Know that for some of us out there...it is hard...it takes some figuring out...if you find your self in the midst of trying to nurse...ask questions - lots of them. Take the time. It is so worth it in the end. I hope this has been an encouragement to you.

I know women have been nursing since the beginning of time. I have to say that I am very thankful for the lactation consultants at our hospital...they rock! They are providing a service that us young moms would be crazed with out! Thank you lactation ladies! My babies thank you too!

*pics with Caroline in the hospital...almost 5 years ago!

Praying for your Enemies - Part II

You know the first mention of this concept was in Praying for Your Enemies. This encounter mainly focused on what happened in elementary school and how mom taught me this valuable lesson.

I am loving watching the new show on TV called SMASH! Love it! This past weeks episode felt a little close to home. Now, I wasn't ever on Broadway...but the behavior of the character Ivy to the character Karen brought back all to familiar feelings of what it is like to be hated because you are talented at something.

See it was my freshman year and I was going to audition for the school musical. I was pumped. Before every audition my mom would remind me that it would be an honor to just get to open the grand drape. Anything they would allow me to do I should consider and honor. This had been drilled into me since I began auditioning for shows in 3rd grade. The show was 42nd Street. An old timey, tap show...great production numbers...fun ensemble roles...and a particular lead role that seemed...well a bit far fetched. I made call backs (I still remember what I as wearing that day). The cast list was posted. I walked down the hall to the choir room...upper class-men kind of parted ways for me with a few glances that weren't the most kind...I got it...the lead...as a freshman.

I called home shrieking telling my mom...she was shrieking too...it was very exciting. I'm not sure if it was over the weekend or not, but the choir teacher (who I still love to this day) called my mom just to inform her of the back lash that she was getting for casting me in the lead. She had been fielding one awful phone call after another from angry mothers/fathers b/c their child had been slighted the role...and even more that a freshman had gotten it. My teacher just wanted my mom and dad to know so they could prepare me for what would probably await me at the first rehearsal. We talked about me stepping down from the role...but all of us agreed that that wasn't the solution. I had earned it, and should keep it.

The first day was well...it was awful! I had mostly kind people around me...but there were these girls who just hated me. I had never felt hated before. They would talk behind my back...they wouldn't talk to me...I just kept my head down and worked really hard so there would be no reason to say I hadn't done well.

This behavior toward me continued even to the last week before the show and we were blocking the curtain call. Now this is a big deal. Usually, the leads of the show go last. Some of the upper class-men had the nerve to walk up to the director and complain about when they were bowing in comparison to me. He stormed out of the auditorium...it was a big ta-do. I couldn't believe their behavior. I prayed mine would never be described as that. I prayed that the Lord would give me grace under pressure, and that my mouth would never sound like theirs.

Needless to say the curtain call got blocked...I bowed last with the other lead of the show. The upper class-men still hated me. But I learned another valuable lesson in praying for your enemies. How to work hard in a hostile situation. How to finish something with excellence when others are cheering for your failure.

I am thankful for that freshman year experience. I am thankful the directors saw something in me that said Peggy Sawyer. I can still do that time step combination it was so drilled into my head. I am thankful for what the stage taught me about team work, individual work, working with ALL different personality types...and how to use your gifts when others want you to step down.

I pray that I am able to encourage my children when they face adversity in the way my parents did. That I might be taught to pray for them. To work my heart out so my job is done with excellence, and no one would have anything to say about it. And to keep my mouth shut and not stoop to the level of those around me and say things that I know nothing about. Reader what are you teaching your children in the face of adversity? Press on. You are doing a good work and you can not come down from it.