It's Coming...The Education

So a couple of weeks ago our family is out to Costco for our bi-monthly trip there...of course dining of the hot dog/pizza of choice for dinner.  We run into another friend.  We are chatting about life...school comes up.  She asks where Caroline will attend.  Then the discussion of when the first day of school is began.  I was SURE it was Monday Aug. 13.  She was SURE it was Thursday Aug. 9.  I was not prepared for what happened in my heart.  We looked it up...it's the 9th!

How did this happen?

How is it not correct in my calendar?  Four less days....

I know, I know...is this really a big deal?  For me...holy cow yes!  This is our official last full week of summer.  The last full week of life as we have known it.  The last full week of lunches.  I don't know why it gets me but the lunch thing is what puts a lump in my throat.  Will she be able to open _____?  Will she actually like the food I pack?  Will she, will she, will she....miss me?

There is a part of me that desperately hopes she will miss me.  Then there is that part of me as well that truly hopes she doesn't.  That as with other things in Caroline's life she would be looking ahead...see the challenge...be excited about what it holds and not look back.  I believe this is how she will be.  I am thankful for that.

Later that night Jason and I were folding laundry in our bedroom, the kids were already in bed...and I LOST it!  Holy cow sobbing ensued.  The loss of those 4 days hit me hard.  I began to grieve some things about her entering school world (whether it had been home school, private, or public this all would be true) is that I CAN NOT shelter her from what is to come.  I can not protect her heart for her. I can not keep kids from saying cruel things to her.  I can not ...

I am thankful that I do believe she knows her protector.  I think when she is afraid at school.  Or hurt in her heart that she will remember the simple prayer we have said with the kids since they were babies.  "Jesus help."  I pray even as I type this that He will help her remember that.  And when the hurtful words, and heart aches occur over the next several years in the growing up process that He will equip Jason and I with the right wisdom to help her, and she will say "Jesus help."

We have bought the tennis shoes.  We have bought the first day of school outfit.  We will buy school supplies this weekend.  The new lunch box from Grammy has arrived.  It's gonna happen isn't it?

She is going to fly out that car door.  She is going to leap into learning.  She is going to love it.  But what this momma realizes again...is that since the day she was born I have been learning to let go.  Learning that she did need to sleep somewhere other than my shoulder, and in our room as an infant...so we let her go.  I did need to attend worship without her...so to Waumba she went and we let her go.  She needed to learn to play at someone elses home with out me...so we let her go.  She needed to learn to swim without me...so we let her take off the floaties and go.  She needs to learn from someone other than me...so we are letting her go.

My sweet Caroline.  I can't wait to watch you grow and learn from ALL life has to offer you!  I am continuing to learn what it means to let you go.  Be patient with me.  I might cry...but hopefully not until I turn around and leave you at your Kindergarten room.  

Jesus help.

I am a sap.  Sorry for all the photos.