Learning to Host

"Allison it's time to set the table.  Please go get the china, crystal, and silver.  Be careful."

I loved hearing those words from my mom.  It was time to ready our table for guests.  It was time to make it look lovely.  To get those refined things out of cabinets, hutches, and drawers and lay a table.  I would open the doors to the hutch and the wood smelled different when it was open than when it was closed.  It is a smell that still lingers...I think...I would sit there and stare at all of the lovely things that only got to come out on special occasions, and I would imagine what it would be like to lay a table of my own someday.  I would imagine the guests.  The attire.  The food.  How I might do it differently from my mom, but secretly knowing I would try to emulate every last detail like she was teaching me.

See what I learned from my parents is that opening your home to family, friends, and even those you don't know is truly an important thing.  It was a good thing to learn about which silverware to use, and even dare I say stemware.  Mom and dad knew that it honored the Lord to open their table to others.  So we did.  Often.

I remember Thanksgivings with over 40 + people in our home.  Most family.  Some friends.  And usually someone who was alone, and didn't have a place to go found their way to our table.  It felt kind of weird as a kid to have a stranger in our home for such an intimate thing as Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Easter...but I saw courage in my parents when they did it...I pray that I find that courage as an adult also.

There is a fondness in my heart of laying a table.  Deciding which napkins to use.  How to fold the napkins.  Maybe choosing a way that would surprise my mom and she would think it lovely.  Preparing the butter dishes.  The jelly dishes.  Getting out Granny's cobalt pitcher for water.  Opening the drawer that had the silver all rolled up in towels.  Spreading them out and looking at loveliness.  Maybe talking with Daddy about what music to play on the record player.  Lighting candles.  Watching mom hand out tasks and responsibilities.  None that at the time I loved to do...or even honestly now love to do...but the result of creating an environment where people feel comfortable, engaged, respected, welcomed...a place that is different from what they experience out "there".

I didn't know when the day would really come for me to host a family dinner in our home.  How old are you when that begins to shift to the next generation?  I didn't know.  And somehow it fell into our laps this year.  We welcomed it.  And watching Caroline...it all came back about why it is so important to do this.  I need to teach her, Wyatt and Hope about what it means to host.  About what it means to welcome others into your home and to put your best that you have before them.  To do it with excellence.

What a privilege it was to have my mom go with me to choose the table decorations.  To buy placemats, and napkins...to think through how many table servings I have...to think through details of where children would eat and feel a welcomed part of the table.  Because see I grew up learning (that is an important word) about what it was to listen to the patriarch of the family talk....and talk...and talk.  But I heard those stories, or talk of politics, religion etc and I learned what it was to sit at a table and talk.  We couldn't get down as soon as we were finished...we learned to listen.  I learned at an early age how to eat off of china, use silver, and by gosh use stemware.  So...I set a table for children to be mixed in with adults and to hear the conversation that comes from the aged.  I sat children at tables with adults to learn what it is to listen and to use lovely things...special things...

Last night as Jason's family...now mine...gathered in our home I was so excited to have them in our home.  I felt as calm as I ever have hosting them.  This isn't my normal temperment when hosting...I am usually freaking out...maybe it was having mom there.  Telling me all along that she was loving watching me be a woman.  Wow...to hear those words...amazing what that does to your heart.  To have your parents approval even as an adult.  Very important.  But Jason's family gathered in...I felt I was able to give out tasks to the other ladies as I needed help.  I felt like a hostess.  I felt like that part in me as a little girl who dreamed of hosting her own table came to fruition last night.  Even Granny's cobalt water pitcher made an appearance.  A gift, along with the matching water, and wine glasses from my mom to now have in our home as we host family, friend and stranger.

Mom's don't be afraid to ask little hands to carry the china (I am sure I broke some dishes over the years).  Don't be afraid to serve little hands stemware.  I learned to sip at an early age.  Don't be afraid to show little hands how to host...because those little hands will grow...and you will be able to hand them Granny's cobalt water pitcher...and tell them they are a lovely woman.

The Family Room

Since Caroline has gone off to school Wyatt has been left with a less than satisfying playmate (by his standards).  There are moments that he just looses it with Hope.  He can't handle her "playing" with him...she takes his stuff, she intrudes, she sits on him, she is a toddler...all 19 months of her.
I have had many a conversation with him as of late that sound something like this...

Location: Family Room
W: AHHHHHH Hope Elizabeth No ma'am.  (tears - collapse on the floor) You ruined it.  You messed all this up.
Me: Wyatt, stand up.  You can't yell at her like that.  She is just trying to play with you.  Remember she is learning how to play with people.  She doesn't know yet and it's our job, your job, to help teach her.
W:  I don't want to teach her.  I do not want to play with Hope ever again....make her stop.

- after about a million of these conversations where I try to steer him back to her, to engage with her...I had this thought- This is a family room...FAMILY...where a FAMILY gathers together to engage together....so I have begun to say this.

Me: (All the stuff from up above but add) Wyatt, this is our family room where we play together.  If you need to play alone, which is totally fine and I understand needing time by yourself without anyone getting in your stuff or your way, then you can go play upstairs in your room by yourself - just shut the door so Hope can't bother you.  But if you are going to stay down here, then this is a FAMILY area where we are going to play TOGETHER and teach each other how to play.
Wyatt why does she want to play with you?

W: I don't know.

Me:  Because she loves you, and she thinks your ideas are great.  So, show her your plan, your idea...teach her to play your game.

It has worked.  It diffuses him.  He has gone up to his bed room maybe twice...but for the most part he remains and then will engage with Hope again.  Trying to teach her.

Just thought I would share the new thought I have had with regard to our family room.  It is just that.  It is for all of us...a room to BE...a room to grow and learn...scream and recover...a room to be FAMILY...

Arguing

I apologize for my lack of posting...there's been a lot rolling around in this brain of mine.  I am hopeful to figure out a way to put it on paper soon.

I thought today's post might be a helpful thing...so I will share.  Please know that I by no means have this thing called "parenting" figured out...most of this stuff I feel like I stumble upon by chance and then I get surprised that it worked...take what you want from this.

It was a typical day in the life of a Hodges family member.  Various forms of joy and angst were coming and going from any one of the 4 of us that are together most of the day (myself, Caroline, Wyatt and Hope).  I found myself in a conversation with my oldest.  I am sure it involved some request that I was making of her to tidy up...or put something away...or fill in the blank it really could have been anything.  Our conversation turned from one of "hey this is our day this is what I need you to accomplish" to one of back and forth kind of arguing with her about what I wanted done, and her counter with what she wanted done...it truly turned into an arguing kind of debate back and forth.

Then I had this (not sure if you have ever felt like this) kind of "out of body" experience where you see and hear what's happening around you.  You are able to be impartial, able to see what's happening almost feeling like it is all in slow motion too...it was weird.  But as I watched myself arguing with a 5 year old I had this "What are you doing Allison, you are the parent."  So here is what happened next...

All of a sudden I looked at Caroline realizing that I did NOT need to be arguing with her about ANYTHING.  I am cool discussing a different way for things to happen or go...but to blatantly be told NO...isn't going to fly...so I calmly looked at Caroline and said these words, "I don't argue with children."  The craziest thing happened.  She stopped.  She just plain stopped and then did what I had been asking all along.  I couldn't believe it.

Since then I use this phrase often.  I find myself being pulled into a negotiation with a 3 year old and I look at Wyatt and I will say, "I don't argue with children" and he too will stop and do what I have been asking or just stop the whine/arguing with me.  Amazing.

I am the mom.  I am the one the Lord has put in charge of the day to day running and I do not need to be arguing with anyone.  That said...on a slightly humorous side I am not sure what my phrase says...does it say that I do argue with adults....?  HA!

God has asked me to do my best.  To parent with excellence, not perfection...and I believe that choosing not to argue with my children is a step in the correct way.  I think it is a reminder to them that I am in charge, and they are not...and deep down that is a comfort to them.

So...today dear readers...tell them "I don't argue with children."  It's amazing.  Take back your rightful place as the parent.

*This pic from the "booster-thon" at Caroline's school.

Eggs and Breast Milk

Occasionally I think I might have something helpful to share.  Sometimes it is from my heart how the Lord is searching it, stretching it and molding it into something he calls unique.  Sometimes it is what not to do in parenting...or here's how we have tried-failed-tried-failed-tried...ahhh found some results...and sometimes just practical "holy cow who knew" kind of information.  Today is just such a day.  Home remedies at their best.

Let me set the scene for you.

I had just had Hope, our 3rd.  I actually had a fairly good supply of breast milk for once and was so very excited.  Nursing wasn't as difficult the 3rd time around...thank God and things were just trucking right on along.  Well a few weeks in...maybe like 8 ish weeks I noticed one of her eyes looking kind of goopie like "Oh great pink eye."  I took her to the doctor and she thought it was probably just a plugged tear duct and that it would work itself out, but here was some eye drops to do if it didn't get any better, or went to the other eye as well.  And honestly, one of my eyes was kind of getting that pink eye heavy feeling.  So I am sitting there in my full time job of nursing at that point of an infants life, looking at her, in awe of her...and somewhere in the recesses of my brain came something that I had "heard one time."  You know those things that people tell you, and you think is cool, but really how would anyone ever really know.....unless you do it yourself.  So I had heard that putting some of your breast milk in their eyes would heal it right up.  Really?  Breast milk.  So I am staring at her right and running all of those thoughts through my head of...is that gross or really cool?  Is it silly to try?  It can't hurt her, right, I mean I am feeding her with it...let's just say my curiosity got the better of me.  When she was finished I just did a little ol squirt right there in the problem eye...nothing exploded...she didn't wail in agony...I felt kind of like a hippie or something - earth mother-ish...and wouldn't you know I did  it a couple more times and that eye healed right on up.  Guess what else I did?  Yup.  I took a little bit of that excess milk that had been pumped in the freezer...filled up a little syringe that you use to administer meds to your little ones and squirted some of my own milk magic in my own weird eye....yup its true.  It wasn't gross...it wasn't like that Friends episode where Ross won't try the breast milk...it healed my eye right on up too!  Amazing!  Our God is so stinkin' creative and wonderful, and true that he would do that!  I love it.  So... those of you nursing...don't hold back!  Those of you not...so sorry...I do think it'd be weird to ask a nursing mom if you could borrow some of her milk for your bum eye!

Ok...onto the next one.

My parents were here helping us to move into our new home.  Wyatt's lamp had gotten busted in the move, which was really fine I didn't love it.  So we trekked to the all wonderful Target and found the most delightful lamp.  It had an old school wooden red car for the pull down thingy (not sure what that is technically called) and it has a car racing on the shade, but when you turn the light on words appear that say "Champ" and a trophy lights up.  Sweet and precious.  Well, Wyatt just loves it.  That first day all of a sudden I hear him say "Owe my brain hurts my brain hurts."
Pause for a moment.  You know there are parenting moments that you don't know you need to teach about until you are actually in the moment and you need to teach about them.
Well...sweet Wyatt had literally tried to stick his head inside the lamp shade to see the words go on and off as the light went on and off.  But when a light bulb has been on it gets hot...REALLY hot.  That sweet boy had burned himself right in the middle of his forehead.
So here is the home remedy.  Literally earlier that day my mom  and I were talking about the awesomeness of egg whites and what a pure protein they are etc and she began to share with me the story of a man who was having car trouble and had stopped by the side of of a rural road to fix it.  The car actually exploded or something exploded in his face.  A woman who lived on a farm nearby saw this and immediately ran in to get her eggs.  She began to crack them all over his face.  Later the doctors told her that she had saved his face.
So...Wyatt burned a hole in his head (his nickname for the rest of the week became Lightbulb brain) and I said...well go get the eggs...it can't hurt.  We began to dob (is that even a word?) egg whites on that spot several times a day over the next week.  It was amazing.  It never, I mean never blistered up and honestly it should have.  It was a nasty burn.  It scabbed up (we call that a God band-aid) we kept putting on the egg whites...scab fell off about a week later and you can barely tell that anything happened at all!  Again...God is so cool to have put something so easy right in our path for healing.

Isn't that the truth with a lot of the "things" that need healing in our lives.  It's right there.  Sometimes we have to be courageous to try something out of the norm that others might scoff at...sometimes we just need to use what we already have at our disposal but in a little bit different way...sometimes we just need to be willing to see that the Lord chooses to heal us in HIS way...I am thankful for the way he has been healing my heart lately.  Thankful that He chooses to do it!  Thankful that I am letting him.  How are you doing with that dear reader?  Take courage...He desperately loves you!

Pre-K Home Schooling Thoughts

Quickly some updates...
We did indeed move.  I suppose that is why it has been awhile since I posted.  We have been settling in and it has been glorious to be this close to Jason's work.  He even came home for lunch one day.  Amazing!  He says the stress level has shrunk so much just knowing that when he leaves our home he isn't going to go sit in traffic.
Sweet Wyatt has regressed a bit in the potty training...sigh...but alas his little world has been rocked the past month with his buddy going to school and us moving.  Although I will say almost every day he looks at me and says, "Momma, I love our new house."  And when he has an accident and we chat about what to do next time.  As he is running up the stairs to grab a clean pair of underwear I hear him calling down to me saying, "Next time momma, I am going to go on the potty.  I am not gonna let you down."  Sigh.  Precious and distressing all at the same time.  I don't think I have ever told him that it "let's me down" when he doesn't go on the potty...but I am sure my body language communicates such.
Caroline has adjusted so great to her new school.  She is making friends, and we are finding kids in her class that go to our church!  So excited about that.  It has been interested to have her come home with the first PTA fundraiser and it cause the need for a discussion that I didn't know would have to happen between J and I.  Hilarious....really.  Who knew we would have differing opinions on whether or not you participate in the fundraisers.  Ha!
Hope is 16 months and ALL OVER the place!  She is so active...and falling off of and into most anything.  As her world expands I find myself praying this, "Lord as Hope's world and boundaries expands please protect her when I don't know where she is, or can't see the danger in her path."  I pray this often right now.
This past week was pretty emotional for me.  I found myself missing little glory baby often.  It comes out of the blue and surprises me that I will still need to grieve this child.  More on that in another post.  Just updating.

Ok...so moving on to today's post.  I had a good friend ask me to post some of my thoughts and resource ideas on what homeschooling a 3 year old looks like.  Not sure I really know.  Most of it I got from my mom and sister-in-law as Teri (my brother's wife) home schools her 4 kiddos.
I also had the privilege of doing this with a dear friend/neighbor who also had kiddos my kids ages.  So we tackled this together, and actually this fall will be the first I have done it without her.

We set up a schedule and each "class" or segment really only lasted like 20ish min.  Sometimes those 20 felt VERY long and other times they flew.  I think you can put the classes in whatever order you would like, but I think it is important to begin always w/ Bible time.

Here are classes and what they kind of looked like.

Bible time: get creative.  I either read a story from a children's version of the bible and then might have them draw a picture about the story.  I might have them listen to the audio bible we have a draw a picture while listening to it.  Sometimes we would read the story and then assign parts and act it out.  Then we would go over the Catechism.  This was AWESOME!  I watched my sister in law do this with her kids and to hear them recite these truths about God touched my heart so I knew I wanted it in my "curriculum".  We would teach 1-2 of these a week.  After that, then it was memory verse time.  Then share prayer requests and pray as a class.  After that it would be worship time.  This helped get the wiggles out.  We would move from the table to the living room and I would put on something like the "Praise Baby" DVD or some other kids Praise DVD and we would do about 2-3 songs.  This segment of school would last the longest almost taking 25-30 for ALL of this.

Next would be handwriting.  I chose this next mainly b/c it was hard and it would get it out of the way. I use a book called "Handwriting Without Tears".  The first one I use is called "My First School Book" (it is the green one) you can get it from lots of places but on line at www.getsetforschool.com.  I would usually just do 2 pages a day...this made the book last all year b/c I only do this homeschooling w/ a pre-k kids 2 days a week.  For us, Tuesday and Thursday.

After Handwriting was Math time.  At this age it is number recognition, counting, sequences, shapes, colors etc.  There are lots of manipulatives you can use.  I got these small rubber cars/trucks etc and animals.  They come in like 5 different colors.  I could then use these to talk about groups, and sequences of colors or numbers.  You can have flash cards of the numerals and then ask them to put that number of beans or coins on top of the flash card.

After Math was PE.  Time for some more wiggle time.  This would involve learning about kicking a ball, throwing a ball, balancing, hopping on one foot, skipping, marching etc.  We ran a lot of races down the sidewalk!  :)

After PE they would come in for some additional "language arts" time...this was one of those that could be let go if they are just done with school for the day, or you need to get out the door...but basically we talked about rhyming words, and opposites, we would play games and read books.

That's it.  That is our hour and a half to two hours of school time.  I will say it is going to look different this fall because I don't have Shannon to do this with.  Both of us had kids that weren't pre-k age yet and we would tag team them.  So while I was doing handwriting with the older kids, she would have the littler ones upstairs singing songs, reading books, and racing cars.  Then when she did math with the big kids I took the little ones on a walk outside...so I will have some thinking to do about this concerning Hope...but I do know for probably 30-45 min of the time she will be in her pack-n-play having her independent play time again.  She will do bible time with us, then go to the pack-n-play while I am trying to do handwriting and math and then she can come outside with us for PE.  I may save the puzzle, game, opposites stuff for a bit later in the day when she goes down for a nap about an hour before Wyatt does.

You can add other books in there as well for additional book pages to help with everything and just for varying things.  I used a book called BIG Preschool workbook ages 3-5 with both Caroline and Wyatt and it was a good supplemental book as well.

We would also have parties throughout the year for things like Halloween (scandalous I am sure), Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentines, St. Patricks, Holy Week to set up Easter.

This always feels daunting to me before we begin...but then when I am in the midst of it with my children I LOVE this time with them.  I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to have this time with Caroline before we sent her out the door to kindergarten this fall.  I am thankful for friends to circle around with me to do this.  I am even thankful for this new season of figuring out how to do this alone in this new season.

Have fun.  Pour into them.  It will be amazing to you that by the end of the year your little 3 year will probably be able to write their names.  Recognize all the letters, and sounds, shapes, and numbers!  This is an awesome time.  Go for it.

I hope this has been helpful.  It has been good to write about this as it gets me excited to get going with Wyatt this Tuesday!  I am doing a good work and I can not come down.  So are you!

Moving on Up...or Over

There are those things that you tuck away in your heart.  There are those dreams that you talk about with your spouse.  There is life change that happens and families adjust.

I remember when we first got married people talked about those big life change things that happen and more than one in a year is quite a bit.  We're talking things like, birth-death-job change-moving...Well in the last 20 months the Hodges (or as close friends like to refer to us as the Hodgi) family will have accomplished all of those things.
1. Jason took a new job at Watermarke Church as SPD director - Jan 2011
2. Hope was born - our 3rd - April 2011
3. Miscarriage of our 4th child - April 2012
4. Moving over to Canton, GA - August 2012

That's right.  We are MOVING!  This has all come about so suddenly.  It was something we have dreamed about since he took the job over there.  He has a 45 min commute one way each day.  That makes for 7.5 HOURS a week he spends driving.  To a job he loves thankfully.  We have also talked about wanting to be a part of that community over there.  That if we are going to invest in this church...we needed to be a part of the community too....

As you know in this housing market that just isn't an easy thing.  So we were waiting...and waiting...and waiting.  We had decided we wouldn't even really discuss it anymore until next spring 2013 after the election, and Caroline's first year of school and see where we were.  I had talked with a few people about the notion of renting our home out since selling wasn't an option right now.  No one seemed interested.  That was fine.  But we had these friends who wanted to get up here...but we just weren't sure our home would be a fit.  But as Jason and I talked about maybe finding renters we kept saying..."Well, if they could be someone we would know...like the Jones'...then maybe we would consider renting."  But no one was wanting to.  But then about 4 weeks ago...the Jones' actually called and said "Hey what would you think about us renting your home...and we are selling our home at the end of August...."  AHHHHHH so many thoughts began running through our brain...what? how? now? But Caroline will have just begun Kindergarten...does this mean we should home school now?  But wait we felt such a peace about her going to public school...

So we took some deep breaths.  We prayed a bunch.  Had some very candid conversations.  Spoke with our financial dude...and lo and behold it is happening.  We found a home to rent.  The lease has been signed...and we are moving...NEXT WEEK!!!

When I was sharing with my parents about all of this I was so encouraged by my mom's perspective.   I might be surprised by the timing.  But you (my mom speaking) have been praying about moving since Jason took the job, 1.5 years ago...the Lord is not surprised by the timing -nor does He think it is fast.

So true.  Just when I feel overwhelmed by the pace of all of this...I am reminded that my Lord...the once I claim as Savior...The One whom I trust knows all of this and then some.  I refer to a talk I heard Dr. Charles Stanley given once at a conference at our church often and he said this.  "If the Lord is asking you to be obedient.  He has already assumed all of the responsibility of the consequences of your obedience."  Amen.  So us taking a step in faith and acting out of obedience to move our family means the Lord has assumed the responsibility of our obedience.  Thank you Lord.  Doesn't mean hardship won't ever come.  But it does mean my GOD has it all figured out.

So.  For some out of the Atlanta area you might be thinking but your still in "Atlanta" right.  Well, yes...but here it might as well be moving to another state.  It feels like a really big deal.  I have told Jason over and over that I am so thankful that I do life with him.  We are a good team.  We falter and fail one another yet still choose to do this life with each other despite our shortcomings.  So very thankful for him.

I wonder dear reader what perhaps the Lord might be asking you to be obedient about.  Take comfort in knowing he has the consequences of your obedience under his responsibility.  So take that step and go.  We are.

It's Coming...The Education

So a couple of weeks ago our family is out to Costco for our bi-monthly trip there...of course dining of the hot dog/pizza of choice for dinner.  We run into another friend.  We are chatting about life...school comes up.  She asks where Caroline will attend.  Then the discussion of when the first day of school is began.  I was SURE it was Monday Aug. 13.  She was SURE it was Thursday Aug. 9.  I was not prepared for what happened in my heart.  We looked it up...it's the 9th!

How did this happen?

How is it not correct in my calendar?  Four less days....

I know, I know...is this really a big deal?  For me...holy cow yes!  This is our official last full week of summer.  The last full week of life as we have known it.  The last full week of lunches.  I don't know why it gets me but the lunch thing is what puts a lump in my throat.  Will she be able to open _____?  Will she actually like the food I pack?  Will she, will she, will she....miss me?

There is a part of me that desperately hopes she will miss me.  Then there is that part of me as well that truly hopes she doesn't.  That as with other things in Caroline's life she would be looking ahead...see the challenge...be excited about what it holds and not look back.  I believe this is how she will be.  I am thankful for that.

Later that night Jason and I were folding laundry in our bedroom, the kids were already in bed...and I LOST it!  Holy cow sobbing ensued.  The loss of those 4 days hit me hard.  I began to grieve some things about her entering school world (whether it had been home school, private, or public this all would be true) is that I CAN NOT shelter her from what is to come.  I can not protect her heart for her. I can not keep kids from saying cruel things to her.  I can not ...

I am thankful that I do believe she knows her protector.  I think when she is afraid at school.  Or hurt in her heart that she will remember the simple prayer we have said with the kids since they were babies.  "Jesus help."  I pray even as I type this that He will help her remember that.  And when the hurtful words, and heart aches occur over the next several years in the growing up process that He will equip Jason and I with the right wisdom to help her, and she will say "Jesus help."

We have bought the tennis shoes.  We have bought the first day of school outfit.  We will buy school supplies this weekend.  The new lunch box from Grammy has arrived.  It's gonna happen isn't it?

She is going to fly out that car door.  She is going to leap into learning.  She is going to love it.  But what this momma realizes again...is that since the day she was born I have been learning to let go.  Learning that she did need to sleep somewhere other than my shoulder, and in our room as an infant...so we let her go.  I did need to attend worship without her...so to Waumba she went and we let her go.  She needed to learn to play at someone elses home with out me...so we let her go.  She needed to learn to swim without me...so we let her take off the floaties and go.  She needs to learn from someone other than me...so we are letting her go.

My sweet Caroline.  I can't wait to watch you grow and learn from ALL life has to offer you!  I am continuing to learn what it means to let you go.  Be patient with me.  I might cry...but hopefully not until I turn around and leave you at your Kindergarten room.  

Jesus help.

I am a sap.  Sorry for all the photos.