There are things that I think I knew about my kids...and perhaps kids in general. Somehow...in the midst of a hard time with one of them I feel like I forget those things that seem intuitive. So...I thought about whether or not to share...thinking you might say "I know this." But perhaps there is one of you out there who reads this that this idea might make a difference in your little one.
I often find myself saying to my children..."This is my job. It is my job to protect you that's why I don't want you playing in the front yard with out an adult." OR "It is my job to protect you that's why I don't want you jumping off the back of the couch onto your baby sister. It's not safe for either of you." But I didn't take into account sometimes about the mind.
I work very hard to create an environment here at home that hopefully is peaceful, playful, and filled with the opportunity to praise (each other and the Lord). In my efforts to also find the uniqueness of each child and meet those needs be it with discipline, words, time, touch, stories, fun....sometimes the balance gets out of whack.
If you have read any of my previous posts about our dear Wyatt Christopher you know he is all boy. He is 3. He loves to laugh and have fun...and he is testing us with his anger and lack of self-control. In my last post I mentioned that a new sheriff had arrived and we were going to try to teach him to gain some self-control and thrive. While there was remarkable improvement right away...I realized that if I had heard some of his answers to me from other kids to their parents I would think that the kid might be running the show. The spoon began to travel in the diaper bag...I would lay out my expectations before a specific situation...and still although no on the floor kicks, screams, or even all out bursts of tears...there was an underlying growl that seemed to still be surfacing. There was not an acknowledging of disappointment filled with obedient action. He was still saying "NO" and maybe crossing his arms. The HEART issue was still around.
Now...I don't know if you have ever noticed in your children that when they have had a few days of too much TV that their behavior is rough shall we say. I notice it. That is why on most days (not Sat or Sun am) there is one 30 min show that they watch as we are winding down for the night. I totally see a correlation between their behavior and how much TV they are allowed to watch.
This is when the light bulb went off for me. You might be saying "Oh I could've told you that..." well I figured it out for me...and maybe it will help you too.
One way I have mentioned in a previous post that we had tried to make going to potty fun for Wyatt was when he went he got to play "Cars 2" on my phone. He would go squeeze out a few drops just at the thought that he might get to play. He would manipulate situations to get to play more. He would pitch fits when it was time for it to end...but by golly it got him on the potty. Here's the light bulb. That phone was wrecking havoc on my boy. He is good at that game. He replays it in his mind. He will recount moves he's made on that game to me like he is living a race himself. I think he was so jacked up on adrenaline rushes...that he needed another "fix" and he would do what was necessary to get that adrenaline rush of a fix. I really believe the Lord laid this idea on my heart. I mentioned it to Jason and said I would like to just try removing this from his day and see if there was any change. Honestly, at this point there was nothing to loose.
That night while tucking Wyatt in Jason and I TOGETHER (that is key I think) talked with him. I told him that Daddy and I had made a decision that we knew he wasn't going to like. We also told him that there were going to be lots of decisions in his life that we would make that maybe he wouldn't understand, that he might be mad with, that would disappoint him...BUT that it was our job to protect him and do what is best for him. We told him that he would no longer be able to play on my phone for anything until we could see him choose to have self-control and respect for those around him. We still expected him to go potty and we could find a different kind of reward...but the phone was not an option any more. He hung his head. There was no fit. There was no push back. He understood.
The next day he did ask in the morning. I reminded him about the conversation daddy and I had with him the night before. He hung his head, grabbed his lovie, and was clearly sad. BUT...there was no fit.
I need to tell you dear reader that I feel like I have my boy back. I hadn't realized how affected he had become from playing a few min at a time a few times a day...it was robbing us of Wyatt. The change has been utterly remarkable I think. Now, this is not to say that we still haven't had a spank or two in there...or a few times up in his room to calm down. But this is NORMAL 3 year old behavior as opposed to the unchecked 3 year old that seemed to be taking over my boy.
Reader...be willing to protect your child even when you know they aren't going to like what you are going to do. It is our job. Have courage. You are in charge. They are not.
You are doing a good work and you can not come down. I hope this has been helpful. Blessings to you dear sweet moms as you are shaping these sweet sweet lives.
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