Baby Food

I always seem to get weird looks when people see the baby food that I feed my kids. Doesn't seem weird to me...but that's only b/c this is all I know. The idea came from that 3rd book I mentioned in the "Babies, Babies, Babies" post. The book is titled "Dr. Denmark Said It!" by Madia L. Bowman. Again take what you want from parenting books etc...I didn't like her infant schedule recommendations however, I did LOVE the nutrition stuff and thought it made sense. So here is the basic idea.

She says that you can begin pureed baby food w/ your infant at 12 weeks of age b/c that is when salivary glands begin to function. Made sense to me. I did actually start that early with Caroline b/c she was so darn little. I waited until 4 months w/ Wyatt and Hope. Whenever you start introduce the rice cereal first. Then begin adding the pureed foods to that as you introduce them. You can do store bought or home made. She says to begin w/ bananas @ 1/4 tsp for 3 days to introduce it and make sure there isn't any allergy. Then add to the banana and rice cereal, apples, or pears, or whatever fruit you're wanting to introduce next. After some fruits are introduced begin putting veggies into it. This was brilliant to me...babies are used to the sweet breast milk so by sweetening the veggies w/ the banana and apples (or peaches, pears, prunes) they are more likely to take it. Continue introducing veggies 1/4 tsp at a time. Then she says to introduce the protein. I wait until they are about 8 months to introduce the proteins only b/c for my babies it seemed to constipate them for some reason. Now with the protein I usually only do black eyed peas because they are supposedly the best protein food available! Cool.

Below are her recommendations on portion size and ratios etc. I work up to this amount and do not expect them to eat this much when just starting out...but this is where they have all seemed to get to rather quickly.

Breakfast
1 banana
2 T fruit
3 T protein
3 T starch

Lunch and Dinner are the same
1 banana
2 T fruit
3 T protein
3 T starch
3 T veggie

I do make our baby food mostly b/c it was the most cost effective on a one income family, and I knew exactly what was in it b/c I made it. The best part is I make it about one time every 2 months (the bananas I have to make the most often). I puree the food and then put it into ice cube trays and freeze. I have all my little zip lock sacks lined up in my freezer and just reach in there and pull out what I need for each meal. The great thing that I measured it out and each ice cube is about 2 T of food. I then measured what one banana would be and it is about 4 T pureed. So I pull out 2 cubes of banana, 1 cube of fruit, 1.5 cubs of veggies, 1.5 cube of black eyed peas, warm that up and add my 3 T of rice cereal and we're good to go! So stinkin' easy.

So this is just my take on baby food. It's what seemed easiest to me. Take it or leave it. I highly recommend putting all your food together into the goop. My babies haven't ever rejected a vegetable when served this way. They eat all of this food and could maybe go for more. Go for it! Have people stare at you when you feed your baby this not so appealing to look at baby food...but it does taste good (I've tried it!). Have fun feeding your baby!

The Perversion of Excellence

This is a blog I wrote almost 4 years ago about how I struggle w/ perfectionism. I thought it a good thing to revisit here. Sadly, I still struggle with it...perhaps that is why the Lord says he will "carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." I get to work on this stuff my whole life...but isn't it so good to know that He has the patience to teach me over and over about this stuff. Oh that I had the same patience w/ my children as they need to learn things over and over. I have edited the post a bit to fit for today.

So a pretty heavy title for this blog site...but I needed a place to share what the Lord has taught me this week and I think, or wonder perhaps if it might speak to some other mom's out there too..so here goes.

This week I came face to face with an "old friend" perfectionism again. I really struggle with this, and often become quite defensive when my life doesn't seem perfect. Those closest to me I am sure notice. I have known for awhile that my defensive nature and struggle w/ perfectionism would be dealt w/ from the Lord. So, this week it hit me. Perfectionism is the perversion of excellence. My mom and I have talked several times that any good and perfect thing from the Father, Satan has a perversion to counter it. And I believe the drive to be perfect is the perversion of what the Father would ask of me to be excellent.

The more I thought about this the more I realized that while working in KidStuf I told the team on Sunday's that I wanted an excellent show, not a perfect one. I wanted a show that glorified the Lord and if it wasn't "perfect" I was okay, b/c I knew it was excellent. However, as I thought the other day, I do not apply that same principle at home. If dinner wasn't as flavorful as it could be then I would beat myself up, if Caroline struggled during the day I would beat myself up, if I hadn't vacuumed yet this week, again...I would beat myself up b/c it wasn't "perfect"....oh how I have believed the lie.

I opened my eyes the other morning and saw a clean home, a child who is joyful and on a good schedule, a great marriage, laundry done, and a home cooked meal on the stove...I have an excellent home. No longer will I believe the perversion....
The main thing here is that Christ is the only perfect thing, so to try to strive for that will only leave me in a chronic state of worthlessness...

I have an excellent marriage, child, home...

Thank you Lord for the freedom in this lesson....

Boundaries - Independent Playtime

I mentioned that from time to time I might post about how I go about doing stuff...like the post a few days ago...babies, babies, babies - all about schedules and sleep training and the 3 resources that I have used a ton w/ our babies. I hope this info is just that information...again remember this is just how we do it - not the only way.

So yesterday I started Independent Playtime w/ Hope. Honestly it has gone great the last two days. Basically this is a plan to help teach her how to play by herself. I did it w/ Caroline and Wyatt and I am so very thankful b/c even though they love playing with one another they really are great at playing by themselves also. I am so very thankful that my girl friend taught me about this before Caroline was born.

Basically, I have the pack-n-play set up in a room that is still on the same level as the rest of us, but where she can't easily see me working in the kitchen. I have several age appropriate toys in there that will rotate w/ other toys maybe once a week. In the morning when she is alert like after breakfast and her clothes have been changed for the day I place her in there, tell her to have fun playing and walk away. I then set the timer for 15 min and don't go in there at all. The first day she cried the last 3 min but she wasn't hysterical or hurt or anything like that, and today there was maybe a moment of fussing towards the end. I will gradually increase the time - perhaps up to 30 min for her to learn about some structured alone play time. I am hopeful that I can use this time even into next fall as we are thinking about home schooling and that would give me at least 30 min w/ Hope occupied. I am only 2 days in but it seems like Hope is adjusting to this easier than the other two. With Caroline I waited until she was about 10 months old to start and it was very difficult for her. She cried a good portion of the time in there and I only did it for about 10 min. I think that is directly related to waiting so late to begin to teach her this life skill. Wouldn't you agree that this really is a life skill?

This concept is talked about in "Growing Kids God's Way" in the Preparation for Toddler Years book. These are the basic why's behind doing it and doing it in a playpen.

1. It provides a safe environment
2. It offers a structured learning center
a. mental focusing skills
b. sustained attention span
c. creativity
d. self-play adeptness
e. orderliness

It is also important that this be roughly at the same time each day. This is a great quote from the book, that is honestly a wonderful reminder about my other two as well.

"As a word of encouragement, children of all ages have a love/hate relationship with boundaries. They hate boundaries simply because they are there, yet love them because of the security they provide. That is true with the playpen. If your child does not appear to like it at first, stay with it, and he will end up loving the playpen later on."

I don't necessarily like boundaries sometimes either...or maybe I don't like setting them up and explaining them - but once they are there I feel safe and more independent. Isn't that interesting...that with boundaries a sense of independence follows. A good reminder Allison...(talking to myself now)...boundaries are good, perhaps hard to establish, but worth the freedom it provides.

Be encouraged reader...whoever you are...you too can establish healthy boundaries for your kids and yourself. Remember you are doing a good work and you can not come down from it!

Tone of Voice - I'm Horrible at This!

I think since forever I have struggled with my tone of voice. I can still hear my mom saying to me, "It's not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it." Ugggh I feel like I am battling this as of late. I am thankful that the Lord doesn't seem to have us work on everything we need to work on all at once.

Sigh.

I have been saying over and over to my kids "Big girl voice please." or "Big boy voice please." As most drama and he said/she said, he did this/she did this begins with the most horrible whine. Or, the firmness in their voices to one another. I think its the tone that gets me more that what they are actually saying. So it is like my mom said...it's not what they are saying but how they are saying it to one another and to me. I feel lately like I have been asking them to slow down and try their words again. Getting them to realize that they have a "voice" they can have opinions it is how they expressed that will determine how they are received by the other person.
Oh if I could just remember this myself. The tone they use must have been learned somewhere.

Sigh.

So my prayer this morning was please Lord silent my tongue before I say something in a manner that will affect them. Silent my tongue before I hurt them, or make them feel they must always hurry, or get with it.
I find that my tone struggles the most at the end of the day. Bath, books, and bed time are just flat out tiring even with a good system. I want to love that time of day. I often don't. So, Lord again I ask will you please give me an extra dose of patience, seeing the moment for what it is kind of perspective. There will come a time when they don't need me to bathe them, or even want me to necessarily tuck them in anymore.

Sigh.

Today...as Jason might say (as all things now days have these silly little hash tags...no I have not gone over to the twit side of life. I did type that as I meant it...twit) #fail.

Yet...I will sigh again...pray as I head up at the end of naps at 4pm, ready to read stories, change yet another diaper, fix dinner and not just survive but thrive as Karen Stubbs would say. Help me thrive Lord!

*the pic is moments after Wyatt's birth. Kind of how I feel! :)

Forgiving Ada

About this time last year the Lord began a work in my heart concerning my grandmother. I had an interesting relationship with her. I never really felt like I measured up to her standards of what she would want for my life. I felt her disapproval when I quit teaching to work in ministry. I felt her disapproval when I quit working all together to stay at home. I never called or wrote enough. I remember when I called to tell her we were pregnant with Hope, our 3rd, and she said "why would you do that, you already have a boy and a girl." Wow...any way...I want to share what the Lord did in my heart concerning my relationship with her and how very grateful I am. I am just going to copy what I wrote in my journal. It is a reminder to me that the Lord is never finished shaping our hearts and out of the blue he could be whispering things to us...I just need to be still enough sometimes so I don't miss what He is up to. I hope this is encouraging to someone out there who might need to forgive.

January 3, 2011
...On that note-it is interesting the last couple of days I feel like there's been this whisper to "forgive Ada". I honestly didn't know that there was forgiving that needed to happen. I just thought I'd become indifferent towards her- not pursuing or pushing away-just doing nothing. I guess however when I get talking about her there is true hurt there. Her manipulation of my words or actions needs to be forgiven every time. I don't really want to forgive her-not from an actuality standpoint, but from an effort standpoint. Maybe the desire to pursue her will follow the forgiving. I love her out of duty not genuine feeling. Show me Lord where/how to do this. I don't think I need to call her-and tell her I forgive her-but need in the quietness with you Lord to do so.

January 4, 2011
Forgiveness is good. I woke up again knowing I just needed to forgive grandma. Instead I began with reading my book-under the guise of "when I have more time..I need to look up some verses on forgiveness and how to do it...or watch a message on forgiveness" - all when I have more time...
Bull
I put the book down and I stopped trying to make it...

-Caroline crying I'll finish later

January 5, 2011
...so hard. I know how to forgive, had done it lots in my life. So Allison-just do it and I did. Not very emotional, didn't take but a few minutes. I listed out all the ways she'd hurt me or others and forgave her-it was GREAT! One of my prayers that kept surfacing while doing that was that I would truly be finished with this. For protection mentally to not let the sin of harboring unforgiveness creep up.

January 11, 2011
Grandma is very ill. Mom called yesterday to say they were taking her to the hospital.She won't likely live but a couple days. Daddy, said this is all just so different from PePaw because she is mentally so very sharp. We all believe she is ready. She told Ruthy (my aunt - her daughter) yesterday afternoon that she wished she could just take a bunch of pills and go be with the Lord and see PePaw again. Ease her pain. Father, I am so thankful for last week and what you did in my heart towards her. Thanks for telling me. I am thankful I know you and your voice-your gentle prodding. My conversation with her was good last night. Simple- "pray for me, I hear you have lots of snow, the children liked it-the game that was on TV that night- and Allison, I love you very very much."

January 12, 2011
Ada Katherine Ruth Unruh passed away last night a little before 11pm CST. I can't imagine what the reunion with PePaw, her parents, brother, friends, Darin (her grandson) was like. Seeing you Jesus for the 1st time.
I found out this am when I came downstairs. I have cried much more about this the last couple of days than I expected. I am so thankful you asked me to forgive her. I think a lot of my grief is over that generation being gone, while she was alive it was still a little bit of PePaw here, the reality that my parents will be the next generation to go, sadness to not be there with my family at a time like this. I am thankful she doesn't hurt anymore. She is restored!

*the picture is of Ada holding Wyatt for the first time at my parents home in Kansas.

Saying Hard Things to our Kids

So I have been stewing over these thoughts for a couple of weeks...well actually since Christmas Eve service. Andy Stanley our senior pastor was talking about several different things, but one thing that has stuck out was this statement he made that sometimes he finds himself hesitating to say that hard thing to his children b/c he doesn't want to hurt the relationship. His kids are older now (one in college and two in high school), and where speaking to them when they were little was easier he now finds himself hesitating b/c they are older and the relationship is well different from when they were little.
I loved that he said this. The word hesitate is where I have been sitting. We hesitate. We ponder, do I really say this. Do I share w/ my friend, my spouse, my children something that I see that I think they are unaware? We hesitate. As Andy was speaking on Christmas Eve it immediately made me think about a letter that my mom wrote to me when I was a sophomore in college. A letter I am sure she prayed hard about, and perhaps hesitated writing. I am so very thankful she wrote it. It forever changed me...for the good. I was mad when I got it. I read it. I re-read it...I was mad. And then I sat in it for awhile...and allowed the Lord to do with it what he intended with those words from the time mom wrote it. He had something to say to me...he just chose to use mom to say it. I have kept the letter since then in my bible...I candidly share it now. I pray that the words here will be an encouragement to you if you are hesitating...don't...(I am changing some of the names b/c those aren't important. Mom wrote this to me about one month after a hard break up)...

3/25/95

My dear Allison,
So many thoughts flood my mind and heart for you. I wonder why the Lord has allowed so many perplexing obstacles in our life now...all at the same time...He hasn't given me a direct answer, but I do believe He has asked me to write you a bout behavior patterns when dealing with adversity. It is exciting to see His great care in molding His children. Though it isn't much fun to have Him use His pruning sheers on us, the beautiful fruit that results in season surely makes the whole process worth it.
I believe the Lord wants to instruct you about love...falling too fast, having every thought absorbed with, talking to your friends and his friends too much about "him", and generally, moving too fast! What a hard thing for you to analyze! You have so much love to give...the incessant talking seems so innocent..I understand all that, Allison, but I believe the Lord would have you handle things differently.
The easy thing to do right now is to defend your actions-boy! do I understand that! However, I honestly believe that it is time for you to not defend your actions, but rather to squarely look at your past behavior patterns with guys who capture your heart.
Perhaps grabbing paper and pen would be good. As you pray through the process, I suspect he Lord will be very specific...Remember he only prunes the suckers-the branches that take nutrients from the majority of good branches and render them less able to produce fruit. I think, dear Allison, some suckers have sprung up amidst all the good branches...let Him prune them.
Ask the Lord questions-hard questions about the process of falling in love. Ask Him about the things that are tucked in your heart that are hard to express. Ask Him if you frightened "Joe"..."Alex"...ask Him about talking to friends-I believe so much that this "talking" is pivotal in what He wants to teach you. I believe you are on the road to such happiness...but, you have to "let it happen."
Please make a conscious decision to quit talking about "Alex"-quit analyzing-quit fixing your sights on him. It will be good for your friends and very good for you! I love you very much, and am anxious to see your new fruit in bloom. Blessings-mom

Oh Lord let me speak to my children with this kind of courage when it is necessary. Thank you mom for not hesitating.

Babies Babies Babies

In the last 5 days I have been in the car 28 hours...it is good to be home! Thankful for time with my family back in Kansas and thankful for a couple of days away just Jason and me...alas I am home and excited to be writing again.

While I was out on the road I got a text from a friend asking me some specific questions about her little guy and getting him to stretch through the night on feedings. She thanked me...and I thought "Gosh I LOVE this stuff! I love helping people trouble shoot baby schedules, baby sleep patterns, feedings - all of it!" So I thought I might dedicate a couple of blog posts to some practical baby things that I have discovered and have worked.

Let me preface this again as I did in that very first post - New Words - this is what has worked for our family. Everyone is different. Choose what works for you all. So no pressure here saying this is the only way. Nope, this is just A way.

All of the info that is to come was thought about and prayed about. I wanted a system (b/c that's how I am wired) to help me know what to do w/ a new born. Because I am the primary care giver this is where I landed. If Jason had been the primary care giver we might have ended up with a different system. Also, I took bits and pieces from these different resources and applied them to our family. Here goes.

The 3 books I would recommend reading.
1. "Growing Kids Gods Way" by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo
2. "Twelve Hours Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old" by Suzy Giordano
3. "Dr. Denmark Says" by Madia L. Bowman

The first one was such a great biblical and "this is why" we wanted to train our kids from the day we brought them home from the hospital kind of stuff. It also gave great physiological reason to let an infant cry it out (great exercise for their lungs, only way to get rid of any kind of frustration etc) - awesome information for new parents.

The 2nd one was/is a huge blessing. While I love "Growing Kids Gods Way" I didn't feel like it offered the practical ways of getting your child to stretch between feedings during the day and through those oh so precious night time hours. This book gave a step by step (go in order people...I tried it out of order with Wyatt b/c I simply forgot and it didn't work) way to cut those feedings back. It made sense to me. I would say to Jason - "Ok babe the next two weeks are baby boot camp weeks." He would know what that meant and we were able to be a team in the middle of the night as we let our little ones figure it out. That is a blessing as our last one did it on her own with out any major "boot camp" from me at 7 weeks. That means 12 hours moms! Now it is important to keep in mind that I do not believe that our kiddos are sleeping for a solid 12 hours - some nights maybe - but what they have learned is that they are okay in their beds and they can self soothe back to sleep again. Sometimes I hear them in there in the middle of the night talking or blowing raspberries and then after awhile they fall back asleep. This is a great life skill for them to have. On a side note that phrase is often said in my mind as I think about training our kids with anything. You know, potty training is a great life skill to have. Eating with utensils is a great life skill to have. Even teaching your little one (we will be doing this with Hope soon) how to crawl up and down the stairs is a great life skill to have.

Book #3 is a unique one. Dr. Denmark is an amazing pediatrician I believe around 109 years old and happened to be my husbands pediatrician when he was a little boy. So yes, she was practicing medicine well into her 80's I think. Now this book, while I didn't like her infant schedule (didn't make sense to me - for some it does) I did love her thoughts on nutrition and home remedy medical advice. Her baby food "goop" that I feed my kids has been amazing for their diets and getting them to eat ALL foods! So thankful. Another great thing I took from her book was tummy sleeping our kids. With Caroline it took me about 3 days to do it...the other two they were tummy sleeping in the hospital. Her thoughts on it and SIDS just flat out made sense to me. In a nut shell...we are the only animal species that tries to lay its young on their back. They feel like they are falling when on their back which is why they have that startle jerk. Laying them on their tummies also helps w/ tons of reflux issues. For me it was peace of mind to know that when spit up happened they weren't on their backs and likely to choke on it. Being on their tummy means I change sheets a lot, but no choking! Thankful for this resource.

Finally, I also did this stuff to set Jason up for success. I have had to do some contract work outside of the home to earn money and I think this system enabled Jason to know what was next and how to implement it with our kids while I was away.

All of this information I hope is an encouragement to you to try to figure it out with your infant. You are doing a good work and you can not come down from it! Press on. I say this as I am "training" sweet Hope that nap time is not over yet. I still have 45 minutes!