Forgiving Ada

About this time last year the Lord began a work in my heart concerning my grandmother. I had an interesting relationship with her. I never really felt like I measured up to her standards of what she would want for my life. I felt her disapproval when I quit teaching to work in ministry. I felt her disapproval when I quit working all together to stay at home. I never called or wrote enough. I remember when I called to tell her we were pregnant with Hope, our 3rd, and she said "why would you do that, you already have a boy and a girl." Wow...any way...I want to share what the Lord did in my heart concerning my relationship with her and how very grateful I am. I am just going to copy what I wrote in my journal. It is a reminder to me that the Lord is never finished shaping our hearts and out of the blue he could be whispering things to us...I just need to be still enough sometimes so I don't miss what He is up to. I hope this is encouraging to someone out there who might need to forgive.

January 3, 2011
...On that note-it is interesting the last couple of days I feel like there's been this whisper to "forgive Ada". I honestly didn't know that there was forgiving that needed to happen. I just thought I'd become indifferent towards her- not pursuing or pushing away-just doing nothing. I guess however when I get talking about her there is true hurt there. Her manipulation of my words or actions needs to be forgiven every time. I don't really want to forgive her-not from an actuality standpoint, but from an effort standpoint. Maybe the desire to pursue her will follow the forgiving. I love her out of duty not genuine feeling. Show me Lord where/how to do this. I don't think I need to call her-and tell her I forgive her-but need in the quietness with you Lord to do so.

January 4, 2011
Forgiveness is good. I woke up again knowing I just needed to forgive grandma. Instead I began with reading my book-under the guise of "when I have more time..I need to look up some verses on forgiveness and how to do it...or watch a message on forgiveness" - all when I have more time...
Bull
I put the book down and I stopped trying to make it...

-Caroline crying I'll finish later

January 5, 2011
...so hard. I know how to forgive, had done it lots in my life. So Allison-just do it and I did. Not very emotional, didn't take but a few minutes. I listed out all the ways she'd hurt me or others and forgave her-it was GREAT! One of my prayers that kept surfacing while doing that was that I would truly be finished with this. For protection mentally to not let the sin of harboring unforgiveness creep up.

January 11, 2011
Grandma is very ill. Mom called yesterday to say they were taking her to the hospital.She won't likely live but a couple days. Daddy, said this is all just so different from PePaw because she is mentally so very sharp. We all believe she is ready. She told Ruthy (my aunt - her daughter) yesterday afternoon that she wished she could just take a bunch of pills and go be with the Lord and see PePaw again. Ease her pain. Father, I am so thankful for last week and what you did in my heart towards her. Thanks for telling me. I am thankful I know you and your voice-your gentle prodding. My conversation with her was good last night. Simple- "pray for me, I hear you have lots of snow, the children liked it-the game that was on TV that night- and Allison, I love you very very much."

January 12, 2011
Ada Katherine Ruth Unruh passed away last night a little before 11pm CST. I can't imagine what the reunion with PePaw, her parents, brother, friends, Darin (her grandson) was like. Seeing you Jesus for the 1st time.
I found out this am when I came downstairs. I have cried much more about this the last couple of days than I expected. I am so thankful you asked me to forgive her. I think a lot of my grief is over that generation being gone, while she was alive it was still a little bit of PePaw here, the reality that my parents will be the next generation to go, sadness to not be there with my family at a time like this. I am thankful she doesn't hurt anymore. She is restored!

*the picture is of Ada holding Wyatt for the first time at my parents home in Kansas.