Wednesday, January 25, 2012

What I wasn't expecting

I thought another little bit of my story might be good.

It is the fall of 1999 and I have just left working for Kanakuk full time (this is a Christian sports camp in Branson, MO that I LOVE) and found myself back in Kansas working at the engineering firm my dad worked for in the marketing department. YIKES! This isn't a story about working there...but here's a little side bar...if you know me this next comment should make you laugh. My experience there was usually filled with looks and comments that they all just thought I was loud. Ha! I guess singing and dancing in between the cubicles isn't quite professional corporate behavior.

So I got sick with a high fever for a couple of days. Didn't think anything of it beyond I just got sick. Over the next couple of months I began to loose weight...I mean it was just falling off of me. I could eat anything. I wasn't exercising, and the weight just came off. I wasn't trying to loose weight either. My moods were even more extreme than usual (ha) and the thirst began to drive me batty.

In February I found myself trying all different kinds of drinks to quench my thirst. Nothing would work. One night I drank water. Didn't work, so I went to my fav (limeade concentrate and club soda). Didn't work, so went for the pop. Didn't work...went to milk. I mean I was thirsty like just played in a soccer game - cotton mouth kind of thirst ALL THE TIME!

My mom said, I wonder if you have diabetes. What?! There isn't any family history of that, but we asked our dear friends/neighbors who he was a doctor and she a nurse what they thought. He had me swing by his office the next morning to check my blood sugar. It was around 470. Not good! Normal is usually 80-140ish. He played it so calm and just said you know I think those test strips are out of date. Why don't come by tonight and we'll check it then. So I came after work...it was 476. I had diabetes. My parents were there. I started to cry. I think mom did too. Doug asked if I wanted to go talk about it. So we went in the basement and my mind was flooded with all of these questions. Will this kill me? (Not if you take care of yourself.) Will I go blind? (Not if you take care of yourself.) Will I loose a limb? (Not if you take care of yourself). And then my big question. Because all I know at this point about this disease is the movie "Steel Magnolias". Things don't end well for Shelby. So I asked - Will I be able to have babies and live? (Absolutely. If you take care of yourself.)

The next few weeks were all a blur. Lots of doctors. I didn't want to say I was Type 1 (insulin dependent) until we were sure. I just fit ALL of the criteria. It was amazing once I got on insulin how much better I felt. You know when you start to feel better you then realize how bad you really felt before. I began to get my levels down. Things began to normalize. I had to start wearing a medical bracelet. Weird. I adjusted my diet. I began to think that I was somehow tainted. Somehow less of a person. I was single at the time and thought that there wasn't going to be a boy that would want me and all the medical bills I would bring with myself (sad to think that way - but honest). I wondered if people could tell by looking at me that I had a disease.

It's now been 11 almost 12 years...wow! I moved to Atlanta to only by accident get one of the best nationally known endocrinologists in the country. I have had 3 babies. I am in excellent health. Sometimes I wonder why I have this. I know I could have much worse. I could have something that is painful - this isn't except for the poking...this wasn't what I was expecting Lord...but you know what - He was expecting this for me. He knew all along that this was going to be apart of my story. He wasn't surprised.

I pray that as I interact with all of the doctors that I do...that they will see joy despite my circumstance. That I am not defined by this disease. Sometimes those things we were never expecting can shape us. My choice in attitude determines if it shapes me for the better or worse. Prayerfully it is for the better.

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