I am warning you reader that this post has the potential to be honest...emotional...and maybe a bit feisty. The thoughts might be jumbled as they are pouring out of my gut today....
Our Caroline will be in Kindergarten next fall. How has that happened? She seems so young...yet each day she surprises me with her independence..."Look Mommy I made my whole bed all by myself." "Look Mommy my room is not a disaster. I picked it all up by myself." "Can I vacuum my room and Hopey's?" What?!
I find myself in territory I didn't know I was going to be in. You might say, how is that possible...you knew she would be in school eventually didn't you? Well...yes...but I have ALWAYS assumed I would home school our children. I thought that was why I felt all those years ago at TCU that I was supposed to practically be a double major and get my teaching certificate alongside my theater degree. I never thought I would actually teach professionally, but that I would teach at home. I have been surrounded by people over the last decade who have really turned to home schooling or a university model (kids go 2 days to a school where they get instruction and they are home the other 3 for the parent to partner w/ the teacher and further instruct on those things but at home) education for their children. I have watched my mentor growing up home school her 5...my sis-in-law home school their 4...I have been vocal about home schooling here and doing the pre-k stuff here at our home and absolutely loving it.
Jason and I have had some heated conversations...where mostly I get defensive (such a beautiful quality) and think he is saying something about my ability to educate. He isn't. I want to protect. I want to "be a good steward" of these children and I think I have thought that that can only happen if I keep them at home.
I grew up in public school. Jason grew up in private Christian schools. I think I have always thought that because I could...I should home school. I am finding that the Lord might be asking something different for the Hodges family.
I think I have wanted to say that I want to do home school b/c of the morality stuff they will face in public school. I have been reminded that our children will face that stuff any where they go. That honestly, it is all in the teacher they get as to the experience they will have. If Jason and I are teaching biblical truth at home...that is what matters.
Also, I have always known every part of her day. Now begins the process of her selective sharing you know. None of us shared everything with our parents. But this is part of me working myself out of a job isn't it? Laying the foundation and then walking through the "world" with them. Coaching and teaching all along the way.
I called my parents and asked if they would be disappointed in us if we didn't home school. I love my parents. The first conversation was with my dad and he said absolutely not. He reminded me that it just means we will have to be really proactive in their experience...(wasn't that going to be the case if we home school? being really proactive). My dad reminded me that when I was in school if there were things that my parents didn't want me learning (ie: evolution) then I would be dismissed from class to go to the library to do an alternate assignment (this was in elementary school). They had gone into the administration saying some thing like this "According to the the Kansas State Law blah blah blah you have to provide an alternate assignment." Well...there you go. I had forgotten that I left class a bunch. Be a room mom...get to know the teacher...Allison you and Jason make sure that you are teaching the biblical truth at home you want them to know then walk along side them as they experience it in the world.
Now, here's the deal...I get all of that but I just thought we wouldn't do that until like middle school or high school. I feel like everyone I speak with on either side is very opinionated as to their way is the right way. I have to admit that prior to a few weeks ago...I was a bit judgmental of those who sent their kids to public school...(sorry friends - just being honest here)...I think I didn't understand why. But that's the deal. This decision is truly different for each family.
I am not looking for comments from those of you reading to let me know how passionate you too are about either side. I WANT to keep them home. But I am feeling the Lord tug on my heart to perhaps do something I never thought I would.
So here's where I am at today...the decision hasn't been made...we are touring schools over the next month. Praying. Researching. But here's my heart. I told Jason that what ever we decide will be a team decision. I don't want one of us thinking they have given in to the other. That is our biggest prayer request right now is for like minded spirits on this. My first choice is to do a home school/university model school thing. This costs money. As we were driving and discussing last night I told him that we don't live beyond our means in any area of our lives right now. We don't buy clothes we can't afford. We don't vacation in a way we can't afford (free). We don't live in a home or drive cars we can't afford. I don't want our schools for our kids to be beyond our means either and if we can't do this for all 3 then we can't do it.
This morning after working out I thought of Wyatt's verse. Amazing how something we chose for him...to shape him...just might be shaping me..."Oh that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory.." Seriously Lord. Ok. Our sphere of influence with people who aren't Christians is very small...like void. We always talk about needing to invite someone to church...but who? Everyone we know already goes. Are we reaching out? Is this a way the Lord wants to get us to reach out? Yikes that terrifies me too.
Sigh. I don't know our answer yet. I will share when we do know. I think that regardless of the decision the Lord is doing something in my heart. Perhaps the PROCESS to this decision is what the Lord really cares about and not so much the ANSWER to the decision. Jesus help.
*pics from the day Caroline was born, and this fall before ballet class.
oh sweet Allison how i have been in those shoes you are walking in right now. me, coming from a private christian schooling - and Tommy from all public. we started out private christian and it was wonderful. this year, we have decided to venture into public. i will tell you that i was frightened to DEATH.
ReplyDeleteit hasn't been bad. the teachers have been amazing - and 2 of the 3 our kids have are Christians.
it has totally opened my eyes that the kids were so used to seeing people JUST. LIKE. THEM. -- the first week they couldn't believe that special needs kids were actually IN their school.
this is real world. this is real life stuff they are learning.
annie's teacher is Jewish. as much as i wish i could have answered "YES" when she asked me if her teacher loved JESUS .... it was an opportunity for us to PRAY for a non Christian. it was the opportunity for me to show Annie how to LOVE people that don't do the things we do spiritually.
i'm still torn. it still tears me up to think about my kids being "Thrown to the wolves" or "having that security blanket ripped out from under them". -- but we talk a lot about LIGHT -- we talk a lot about WWJD.
we talk a lot about who do you want to invite to church?
and i feel like i have made some friends in the public school that i would have NEVER made -- an opportunity to get out of my 'holy huddle' and really practice what we are all preaching.
prayers for you today for unity.
i know how it feels to be where you are.
xo
HH
You guys are going to be great. You're seeking God's direction in this and He WILL be faithful in showing you the best place for your kids. I've been advised by some older, wiser woman that public/private/homeschool might look different for each child at difference points in their lives.
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to tell you where I stand on this, because my opinion doesn't matter. I believe Christian school is in our future. For right now, our oldest is at a public charter school where there are both Christians and non-Christians. It's been such a great learning experience for her of choosing friends. She has great friends - both Christians and those she's investing in. The days she comes home and tells me that she talked with someone about Jesus on the playground are the best... tears in my eyes the rest of the day! It's hard sometimes trusting God to lead her (I know that sounds ridiculous!). But she's learning real life stuff in a good place. We're grateful.
Focus on the next right step. And know it might not be that way for their entire school career.
I bet John Woodall would have some great advice on this. He takes such delight in watching how God leads and challenges his kids.
You remind me so much of my older sister. Your words are so encouraging. My sister who is a missionary in Sudan was home schooling she was totally against sending her oldest to Boarding school in another country but God had other plans. Gods plans are so much greater then our own and even though his plans are not clear to us sometimes the greatest lesson is letting God be God and for us to put all our trust in him.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note... have you looked into the Classical Christian Conversations? It's Christian based and taught through song and movement. Great for kinesthetic learners!