First before I delve into today's deal is this. If you are new to the blog and wanted to know why I am writing check out the first post titled "New Words". If you want to know why I titled it "A Penny for Your Thoughts" go to the post titled "Intentional Time".
Okay...so this morning was one of the hardest 30 minutes in parenting we've had in awhile. I feel like Caroline's 4th year has been the most difficult. Soon after we welcomed Hope here in April it began a summer of tantrums. We hadn't had any of those in the previous years w/ her. I felt like we had jumped over them...we had other push back from her, but not the kicking, screaming can not communicate her out of it kind of moment. So we weathered this summer storm. We told her this kind of behavior wasn't acceptable and that if she chose to behave that way various things could be the consequence. Privileges. Spanks. Time in room.
Then all of a sudden we were kind of finished with it. We went almost 2 months with out any tantrums. I don't know what clicked it in her head...but something did.
Then this morning happened. You know I have a child much like me who likes to determine how things are going to happen. I think we are doing the same old routine as always. It's time to get ready for ballet and all of a sudden her world began to fall apart b/c I asked her to go try to potty (it always comes back to this ha) b/c once she is all in her tights and leotard and skirt it is much more difficult to get on the potty fast. I'm on her team - right? No! She was literally having none of it. It began to send her into screams (what I feel are out of nowhere) of "NO" as she is walking to the potty. I tell her that that isn't an acceptable way to talk to mom. If she doesn't calm down then she will loose TV privileges. It continues. Privilege lost - more melting (over the last several weeks the thought of loosing a privilege stops her) - more screaming. I again remind her that this isn't acceptable (mind you Wyatt is walking by covering his ears w/ his hands) she needs to get control of her emotions - she doesn't stop the screaming so now she looses computer time while Wyatt goes down for nap - more melting...
This continues. There literally seems to be nothing to stop her. All of this happening while she is also yelling that she doesn't want to go to ballet, that she doesn't like it anymore (which I know isn't true)...I think spanks happen in there somewhere. Jason steps in and does the whole "You may not talk to my wife this way." She begins to calm down. He tells her she has a choice to either go to mommy and get dressed or we will hold her down and dress her for ballet and we are going. We have committed to ballet, we have paid for it...we are going (this is when as a parent you don't know if you are making the right decision but we decided so we are going for it). I am sure if we could have seen it happening I don't know if we would've laughed or cried about it...but Jason held her while she was kicking and I was putting tights, leotard on. He carried her to the car and strapped her down in her seat. She began to calm a bit...she and I then began a conversation.
I asked her why she didn't like ballet anymore. She said she really did like her friends there ... I got her distracted w/ all different kinds of questions. She calmed. Occasionally she would well up with tears again...but she would calm down. So we got there a few min early and I just climbed in the back and had another conversation with her. I told her I loved her no matter what as I wiped tears away. I asked her why all this started and she said that she just didn't need to go to the potty (OMG really!!! All of this is because I asked her to go potty). So I told her that next time I would try to do a better job of trusting her instincts about needing or not needing to go potty. But that she needed to speak to me respectfully when she tells me that she doesn't need to go. I apologized for the miscommunication. I put her hair in a ponytail and then tear streaked splotchy skin Caroline climbed in my arms and I carried her into ballet.
Woah! Many of you reading may say we should have backed down. Not make her go to ballet. Maybe I should've listened about the potty (and indeed I could've done that better...however she screamed no at me and that isn't acceptable). But here is the take away for me from this morning. ALL kids loose it. It is my job to help her realize and learn many things like how even when you don't want to you have to honor your commitments. How even when you are asked to do something you don't want to you still have to treat others, esp those in authority over you, with respect. I hope also that she learned today that no matter what her behavior is I will love her. I will hold her tight. I will work through the ugly with her.
So reader. Work through the ugly with your kids. My mom always says that you can be a pretty good parent with out a lot of time on your part. However, if you want to be an excellent parent that takes time. I think the Lord takes great time with me. I am thankful. That when, in my adult way, I am kicking and screaming about something I don't want to do...he reminds me that I am loved and that He will work through the ugly with me.
*sweet pic of Caroline from a different Saturday heading out to ballet.
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