So I have been stewing over these thoughts for a couple of weeks...well actually since Christmas Eve service. Andy Stanley our senior pastor was talking about several different things, but one thing that has stuck out was this statement he made that sometimes he finds himself hesitating to say that hard thing to his children b/c he doesn't want to hurt the relationship. His kids are older now (one in college and two in high school), and where speaking to them when they were little was easier he now finds himself hesitating b/c they are older and the relationship is well different from when they were little.
I loved that he said this. The word hesitate is where I have been sitting. We hesitate. We ponder, do I really say this. Do I share w/ my friend, my spouse, my children something that I see that I think they are unaware? We hesitate. As Andy was speaking on Christmas Eve it immediately made me think about a letter that my mom wrote to me when I was a sophomore in college. A letter I am sure she prayed hard about, and perhaps hesitated writing. I am so very thankful she wrote it. It forever changed me...for the good. I was mad when I got it. I read it. I re-read it...I was mad. And then I sat in it for awhile...and allowed the Lord to do with it what he intended with those words from the time mom wrote it. He had something to say to me...he just chose to use mom to say it. I have kept the letter since then in my bible...I candidly share it now. I pray that the words here will be an encouragement to you if you are hesitating...don't...(I am changing some of the names b/c those aren't important. Mom wrote this to me about one month after a hard break up)...
3/25/95
My dear Allison,
So many thoughts flood my mind and heart for you. I wonder why the Lord has allowed so many perplexing obstacles in our life now...all at the same time...He hasn't given me a direct answer, but I do believe He has asked me to write you a bout behavior patterns when dealing with adversity. It is exciting to see His great care in molding His children. Though it isn't much fun to have Him use His pruning sheers on us, the beautiful fruit that results in season surely makes the whole process worth it.
I believe the Lord wants to instruct you about love...falling too fast, having every thought absorbed with, talking to your friends and his friends too much about "him", and generally, moving too fast! What a hard thing for you to analyze! You have so much love to give...the incessant talking seems so innocent..I understand all that, Allison, but I believe the Lord would have you handle things differently.
The easy thing to do right now is to defend your actions-boy! do I understand that! However, I honestly believe that it is time for you to not defend your actions, but rather to squarely look at your past behavior patterns with guys who capture your heart.
Perhaps grabbing paper and pen would be good. As you pray through the process, I suspect he Lord will be very specific...Remember he only prunes the suckers-the branches that take nutrients from the majority of good branches and render them less able to produce fruit. I think, dear Allison, some suckers have sprung up amidst all the good branches...let Him prune them.
Ask the Lord questions-hard questions about the process of falling in love. Ask Him about the things that are tucked in your heart that are hard to express. Ask Him if you frightened "Joe"..."Alex"...ask Him about talking to friends-I believe so much that this "talking" is pivotal in what He wants to teach you. I believe you are on the road to such happiness...but, you have to "let it happen."
Please make a conscious decision to quit talking about "Alex"-quit analyzing-quit fixing your sights on him. It will be good for your friends and very good for you! I love you very much, and am anxious to see your new fruit in bloom. Blessings-mom
Oh Lord let me speak to my children with this kind of courage when it is necessary. Thank you mom for not hesitating.
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