Quickly some updates...
We did indeed move. I suppose that is why it has been awhile since I posted. We have been settling in and it has been glorious to be this close to Jason's work. He even came home for lunch one day. Amazing! He says the stress level has shrunk so much just knowing that when he leaves our home he isn't going to go sit in traffic.
Sweet Wyatt has regressed a bit in the potty training...sigh...but alas his little world has been rocked the past month with his buddy going to school and us moving. Although I will say almost every day he looks at me and says, "Momma, I love our new house." And when he has an accident and we chat about what to do next time. As he is running up the stairs to grab a clean pair of underwear I hear him calling down to me saying, "Next time momma, I am going to go on the potty. I am not gonna let you down." Sigh. Precious and distressing all at the same time. I don't think I have ever told him that it "let's me down" when he doesn't go on the potty...but I am sure my body language communicates such.
Caroline has adjusted so great to her new school. She is making friends, and we are finding kids in her class that go to our church! So excited about that. It has been interested to have her come home with the first PTA fundraiser and it cause the need for a discussion that I didn't know would have to happen between J and I. Hilarious....really. Who knew we would have differing opinions on whether or not you participate in the fundraisers. Ha!
Hope is 16 months and ALL OVER the place! She is so active...and falling off of and into most anything. As her world expands I find myself praying this, "Lord as Hope's world and boundaries expands please protect her when I don't know where she is, or can't see the danger in her path." I pray this often right now.
This past week was pretty emotional for me. I found myself missing little glory baby often. It comes out of the blue and surprises me that I will still need to grieve this child. More on that in another post. Just updating.
Ok...so moving on to today's post. I had a good friend ask me to post some of my thoughts and resource ideas on what homeschooling a 3 year old looks like. Not sure I really know. Most of it I got from my mom and sister-in-law as Teri (my brother's wife) home schools her 4 kiddos.
I also had the privilege of doing this with a dear friend/neighbor who also had kiddos my kids ages. So we tackled this together, and actually this fall will be the first I have done it without her.
We set up a schedule and each "class" or segment really only lasted like 20ish min. Sometimes those 20 felt VERY long and other times they flew. I think you can put the classes in whatever order you would like, but I think it is important to begin always w/ Bible time.
Here are classes and what they kind of looked like.
Bible time: get creative. I either read a story from a children's version of the bible and then might have them draw a picture about the story. I might have them listen to the audio bible we have a draw a picture while listening to it. Sometimes we would read the story and then assign parts and act it out. Then we would go over the Catechism. This was AWESOME! I watched my sister in law do this with her kids and to hear them recite these truths about God touched my heart so I knew I wanted it in my "curriculum". We would teach 1-2 of these a week. After that, then it was memory verse time. Then share prayer requests and pray as a class. After that it would be worship time. This helped get the wiggles out. We would move from the table to the living room and I would put on something like the "Praise Baby" DVD or some other kids Praise DVD and we would do about 2-3 songs. This segment of school would last the longest almost taking 25-30 for ALL of this.
Next would be handwriting. I chose this next mainly b/c it was hard and it would get it out of the way. I use a book called "Handwriting Without Tears". The first one I use is called "My First School Book" (it is the green one) you can get it from lots of places but on line at www.getsetforschool.com. I would usually just do 2 pages a day...this made the book last all year b/c I only do this homeschooling w/ a pre-k kids 2 days a week. For us, Tuesday and Thursday.
After Handwriting was Math time. At this age it is number recognition, counting, sequences, shapes, colors etc. There are lots of manipulatives you can use. I got these small rubber cars/trucks etc and animals. They come in like 5 different colors. I could then use these to talk about groups, and sequences of colors or numbers. You can have flash cards of the numerals and then ask them to put that number of beans or coins on top of the flash card.
After Math was PE. Time for some more wiggle time. This would involve learning about kicking a ball, throwing a ball, balancing, hopping on one foot, skipping, marching etc. We ran a lot of races down the sidewalk! :)
After PE they would come in for some additional "language arts" time...this was one of those that could be let go if they are just done with school for the day, or you need to get out the door...but basically we talked about rhyming words, and opposites, we would play games and read books.
That's it. That is our hour and a half to two hours of school time. I will say it is going to look different this fall because I don't have Shannon to do this with. Both of us had kids that weren't pre-k age yet and we would tag team them. So while I was doing handwriting with the older kids, she would have the littler ones upstairs singing songs, reading books, and racing cars. Then when she did math with the big kids I took the little ones on a walk outside...so I will have some thinking to do about this concerning Hope...but I do know for probably 30-45 min of the time she will be in her pack-n-play having her independent play time again. She will do bible time with us, then go to the pack-n-play while I am trying to do handwriting and math and then she can come outside with us for PE. I may save the puzzle, game, opposites stuff for a bit later in the day when she goes down for a nap about an hour before Wyatt does.
You can add other books in there as well for additional book pages to help with everything and just for varying things. I used a book called BIG Preschool workbook ages 3-5 with both Caroline and Wyatt and it was a good supplemental book as well.
We would also have parties throughout the year for things like Halloween (scandalous I am sure), Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentines, St. Patricks, Holy Week to set up Easter.
This always feels daunting to me before we begin...but then when I am in the midst of it with my children I LOVE this time with them. I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to have this time with Caroline before we sent her out the door to kindergarten this fall. I am thankful for friends to circle around with me to do this. I am even thankful for this new season of figuring out how to do this alone in this new season.
Have fun. Pour into them. It will be amazing to you that by the end of the year your little 3 year will probably be able to write their names. Recognize all the letters, and sounds, shapes, and numbers! This is an awesome time. Go for it.
I hope this has been helpful. It has been good to write about this as it gets me excited to get going with Wyatt this Tuesday! I am doing a good work and I can not come down. So are you!
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Moving on Up...or Over
There are those things that you tuck away in your heart. There are those dreams that you talk about with your spouse. There is life change that happens and families adjust.
I remember when we first got married people talked about those big life change things that happen and more than one in a year is quite a bit. We're talking things like, birth-death-job change-moving...Well in the last 20 months the Hodges (or as close friends like to refer to us as the Hodgi) family will have accomplished all of those things.
1. Jason took a new job at Watermarke Church as SPD director - Jan 2011
2. Hope was born - our 3rd - April 2011
3. Miscarriage of our 4th child - April 2012
4. Moving over to Canton, GA - August 2012
That's right. We are MOVING! This has all come about so suddenly. It was something we have dreamed about since he took the job over there. He has a 45 min commute one way each day. That makes for 7.5 HOURS a week he spends driving. To a job he loves thankfully. We have also talked about wanting to be a part of that community over there. That if we are going to invest in this church...we needed to be a part of the community too....
As you know in this housing market that just isn't an easy thing. So we were waiting...and waiting...and waiting. We had decided we wouldn't even really discuss it anymore until next spring 2013 after the election, and Caroline's first year of school and see where we were. I had talked with a few people about the notion of renting our home out since selling wasn't an option right now. No one seemed interested. That was fine. But we had these friends who wanted to get up here...but we just weren't sure our home would be a fit. But as Jason and I talked about maybe finding renters we kept saying..."Well, if they could be someone we would know...like the Jones'...then maybe we would consider renting." But no one was wanting to. But then about 4 weeks ago...the Jones' actually called and said "Hey what would you think about us renting your home...and we are selling our home at the end of August...." AHHHHHH so many thoughts began running through our brain...what? how? now? But Caroline will have just begun Kindergarten...does this mean we should home school now? But wait we felt such a peace about her going to public school...
So we took some deep breaths. We prayed a bunch. Had some very candid conversations. Spoke with our financial dude...and lo and behold it is happening. We found a home to rent. The lease has been signed...and we are moving...NEXT WEEK!!!
When I was sharing with my parents about all of this I was so encouraged by my mom's perspective. I might be surprised by the timing. But you (my mom speaking) have been praying about moving since Jason took the job, 1.5 years ago...the Lord is not surprised by the timing -nor does He think it is fast.
So true. Just when I feel overwhelmed by the pace of all of this...I am reminded that my Lord...the once I claim as Savior...The One whom I trust knows all of this and then some. I refer to a talk I heard Dr. Charles Stanley given once at a conference at our church often and he said this. "If the Lord is asking you to be obedient. He has already assumed all of the responsibility of the consequences of your obedience." Amen. So us taking a step in faith and acting out of obedience to move our family means the Lord has assumed the responsibility of our obedience. Thank you Lord. Doesn't mean hardship won't ever come. But it does mean my GOD has it all figured out.
So. For some out of the Atlanta area you might be thinking but your still in "Atlanta" right. Well, yes...but here it might as well be moving to another state. It feels like a really big deal. I have told Jason over and over that I am so thankful that I do life with him. We are a good team. We falter and fail one another yet still choose to do this life with each other despite our shortcomings. So very thankful for him.
I wonder dear reader what perhaps the Lord might be asking you to be obedient about. Take comfort in knowing he has the consequences of your obedience under his responsibility. So take that step and go. We are.
I remember when we first got married people talked about those big life change things that happen and more than one in a year is quite a bit. We're talking things like, birth-death-job change-moving...Well in the last 20 months the Hodges (or as close friends like to refer to us as the Hodgi) family will have accomplished all of those things.
1. Jason took a new job at Watermarke Church as SPD director - Jan 2011
2. Hope was born - our 3rd - April 2011
3. Miscarriage of our 4th child - April 2012
4. Moving over to Canton, GA - August 2012
That's right. We are MOVING! This has all come about so suddenly. It was something we have dreamed about since he took the job over there. He has a 45 min commute one way each day. That makes for 7.5 HOURS a week he spends driving. To a job he loves thankfully. We have also talked about wanting to be a part of that community over there. That if we are going to invest in this church...we needed to be a part of the community too....
As you know in this housing market that just isn't an easy thing. So we were waiting...and waiting...and waiting. We had decided we wouldn't even really discuss it anymore until next spring 2013 after the election, and Caroline's first year of school and see where we were. I had talked with a few people about the notion of renting our home out since selling wasn't an option right now. No one seemed interested. That was fine. But we had these friends who wanted to get up here...but we just weren't sure our home would be a fit. But as Jason and I talked about maybe finding renters we kept saying..."Well, if they could be someone we would know...like the Jones'...then maybe we would consider renting." But no one was wanting to. But then about 4 weeks ago...the Jones' actually called and said "Hey what would you think about us renting your home...and we are selling our home at the end of August...." AHHHHHH so many thoughts began running through our brain...what? how? now? But Caroline will have just begun Kindergarten...does this mean we should home school now? But wait we felt such a peace about her going to public school...
So we took some deep breaths. We prayed a bunch. Had some very candid conversations. Spoke with our financial dude...and lo and behold it is happening. We found a home to rent. The lease has been signed...and we are moving...NEXT WEEK!!!
When I was sharing with my parents about all of this I was so encouraged by my mom's perspective. I might be surprised by the timing. But you (my mom speaking) have been praying about moving since Jason took the job, 1.5 years ago...the Lord is not surprised by the timing -nor does He think it is fast.
So true. Just when I feel overwhelmed by the pace of all of this...I am reminded that my Lord...the once I claim as Savior...The One whom I trust knows all of this and then some. I refer to a talk I heard Dr. Charles Stanley given once at a conference at our church often and he said this. "If the Lord is asking you to be obedient. He has already assumed all of the responsibility of the consequences of your obedience." Amen. So us taking a step in faith and acting out of obedience to move our family means the Lord has assumed the responsibility of our obedience. Thank you Lord. Doesn't mean hardship won't ever come. But it does mean my GOD has it all figured out.
So. For some out of the Atlanta area you might be thinking but your still in "Atlanta" right. Well, yes...but here it might as well be moving to another state. It feels like a really big deal. I have told Jason over and over that I am so thankful that I do life with him. We are a good team. We falter and fail one another yet still choose to do this life with each other despite our shortcomings. So very thankful for him.
I wonder dear reader what perhaps the Lord might be asking you to be obedient about. Take comfort in knowing he has the consequences of your obedience under his responsibility. So take that step and go. We are.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
It's Coming...The Education
So a couple of weeks ago our family is out to Costco for our bi-monthly trip there...of course dining of the hot dog/pizza of choice for dinner. We run into another friend. We are chatting about life...school comes up. She asks where Caroline will attend. Then the discussion of when the first day of school is began. I was SURE it was Monday Aug. 13. She was SURE it was Thursday Aug. 9. I was not prepared for what happened in my heart. We looked it up...it's the 9th!
How did this happen?
How is it not correct in my calendar? Four less days....
I know, I know...is this really a big deal? For me...holy cow yes! This is our official last full week of summer. The last full week of life as we have known it. The last full week of lunches. I don't know why it gets me but the lunch thing is what puts a lump in my throat. Will she be able to open _____? Will she actually like the food I pack? Will she, will she, will she....miss me?
There is a part of me that desperately hopes she will miss me. Then there is that part of me as well that truly hopes she doesn't. That as with other things in Caroline's life she would be looking ahead...see the challenge...be excited about what it holds and not look back. I believe this is how she will be. I am thankful for that.
Later that night Jason and I were folding laundry in our bedroom, the kids were already in bed...and I LOST it! Holy cow sobbing ensued. The loss of those 4 days hit me hard. I began to grieve some things about her entering school world (whether it had been home school, private, or public this all would be true) is that I CAN NOT shelter her from what is to come. I can not protect her heart for her. I can not keep kids from saying cruel things to her. I can not ...
I am thankful that I do believe she knows her protector. I think when she is afraid at school. Or hurt in her heart that she will remember the simple prayer we have said with the kids since they were babies. "Jesus help." I pray even as I type this that He will help her remember that. And when the hurtful words, and heart aches occur over the next several years in the growing up process that He will equip Jason and I with the right wisdom to help her, and she will say "Jesus help."
I am a sap. Sorry for all the photos.
How did this happen?
How is it not correct in my calendar? Four less days....
I know, I know...is this really a big deal? For me...holy cow yes! This is our official last full week of summer. The last full week of life as we have known it. The last full week of lunches. I don't know why it gets me but the lunch thing is what puts a lump in my throat. Will she be able to open _____? Will she actually like the food I pack? Will she, will she, will she....miss me?
There is a part of me that desperately hopes she will miss me. Then there is that part of me as well that truly hopes she doesn't. That as with other things in Caroline's life she would be looking ahead...see the challenge...be excited about what it holds and not look back. I believe this is how she will be. I am thankful for that.
Later that night Jason and I were folding laundry in our bedroom, the kids were already in bed...and I LOST it! Holy cow sobbing ensued. The loss of those 4 days hit me hard. I began to grieve some things about her entering school world (whether it had been home school, private, or public this all would be true) is that I CAN NOT shelter her from what is to come. I can not protect her heart for her. I can not keep kids from saying cruel things to her. I can not ...
I am thankful that I do believe she knows her protector. I think when she is afraid at school. Or hurt in her heart that she will remember the simple prayer we have said with the kids since they were babies. "Jesus help." I pray even as I type this that He will help her remember that. And when the hurtful words, and heart aches occur over the next several years in the growing up process that He will equip Jason and I with the right wisdom to help her, and she will say "Jesus help."
We have bought the tennis shoes. We have bought the first day of school outfit. We will buy school supplies this weekend. The new lunch box from Grammy has arrived. It's gonna happen isn't it?
She is going to fly out that car door. She is going to leap into learning. She is going to love it. But what this momma realizes again...is that since the day she was born I have been learning to let go. Learning that she did need to sleep somewhere other than my shoulder, and in our room as an infant...so we let her go. I did need to attend worship without her...so to Waumba she went and we let her go. She needed to learn to play at someone elses home with out me...so we let her go. She needed to learn to swim without me...so we let her take off the floaties and go. She needs to learn from someone other than me...so we are letting her go.
My sweet Caroline. I can't wait to watch you grow and learn from ALL life has to offer you! I am continuing to learn what it means to let you go. Be patient with me. I might cry...but hopefully not until I turn around and leave you at your Kindergarten room.
Jesus help.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
First Time Obedience...Really?
I have been thinking about this concept of first time obedience for a long time. I have been using it as I parent. Knowing in my mind that I expect my children to obey the first time mommy asks something. The answer is to be "Yes ma'am." Action should follow. This is the dream, right? I think about my goal in wanting this desired behavior. When I have thought about it in the past it has been because I want to teach my children ultimately about submission to authority...that of Christ. I pray that that trickles down and they are able to show submission and respect to a boss, a teacher, us...but ultimately by teaching my child this...I hope it is to Christ.
Have you ever taken a step back and looked at yourself as a parent. Then thought about what does the Lord see as he watches you parent. What does He think as He parents us? So I did this. And I wonder if the Lord has shown something to my heart about this concept.
In nature this concept is great. I think it helps make a sound home. But what I found that was actually in practice was this. I would ask a child to do something (like pick up toys). Wouldn't happen, they were distracted. I am at the sink doing dishes so am calling across the room...don't really have their attention. I ask again. "Caroline, Wyatt do you hear my words?" "Yes ma'am." Still not action. I finally go over (as I should have the first time) and get their eyes, ask again, lay out the consequence or shall I say threat of what will happen, ask again, and finally there is action.
I have wondered is it okay that once the threat of punishment is reminded to my kids they typically jump into action. Is this okay? I mean, don't I want them to act without me having to threaten punishment.
....but then I had a moment with the Lord one morning while exercising. Often times I ask you Allison for action. You are distracted. You hear my voice in the background. You think I probably should address that...and yet still you sit...unmoved by my request. I call a bit louder and you begin to process maybe taking action, but that would take effort, or pain, or conflict....so I come and get your eyes on mine, remind you of the consequence of your actions of lack there of...you process...and you come. Oh sweet girl. I would love first time obedience out of you as well. It is not your nature. I am thankful however that you can process through. Even if it is the threat of the consequence that drives you to obedience...and not just out of respect for me that you come...the point is that you still come. I love you.
And that my dear readers is my new eyes open thoughts on first time obedience. I think as adults we process through everything that our kids process through. And, if we are honest it is the threat of the consequence that often times drives us to obedience, or making a wise choice.
So. Keep expecting obedience. Keep asking. Keep following through on punishments...but allow the process to happen. I don't want a robot. I want a child who can process through what is happening. Think it all the way through to the outcome...and make a choice. Hopefully it is a wise one.
Have you ever taken a step back and looked at yourself as a parent. Then thought about what does the Lord see as he watches you parent. What does He think as He parents us? So I did this. And I wonder if the Lord has shown something to my heart about this concept.
In nature this concept is great. I think it helps make a sound home. But what I found that was actually in practice was this. I would ask a child to do something (like pick up toys). Wouldn't happen, they were distracted. I am at the sink doing dishes so am calling across the room...don't really have their attention. I ask again. "Caroline, Wyatt do you hear my words?" "Yes ma'am." Still not action. I finally go over (as I should have the first time) and get their eyes, ask again, lay out the consequence or shall I say threat of what will happen, ask again, and finally there is action.
I have wondered is it okay that once the threat of punishment is reminded to my kids they typically jump into action. Is this okay? I mean, don't I want them to act without me having to threaten punishment.
....but then I had a moment with the Lord one morning while exercising. Often times I ask you Allison for action. You are distracted. You hear my voice in the background. You think I probably should address that...and yet still you sit...unmoved by my request. I call a bit louder and you begin to process maybe taking action, but that would take effort, or pain, or conflict....so I come and get your eyes on mine, remind you of the consequence of your actions of lack there of...you process...and you come. Oh sweet girl. I would love first time obedience out of you as well. It is not your nature. I am thankful however that you can process through. Even if it is the threat of the consequence that drives you to obedience...and not just out of respect for me that you come...the point is that you still come. I love you.
And that my dear readers is my new eyes open thoughts on first time obedience. I think as adults we process through everything that our kids process through. And, if we are honest it is the threat of the consequence that often times drives us to obedience, or making a wise choice.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Weeping...Still
I haven't written in awhile.
Must be summer.
Must be three kids.
Must be that my heart is still healing and I wonder do you truly want to know where I am? Do you dear reader, want to read about someone else's hurt...
This is the thing I know. Grief comes out of the blue. I truly have been doing really well. I wouldn't say that I think about loosing the baby even every day any more which is so nice to be honest. But the other night I found myself weeping .... again. Poor, sweet Jason. We are planning our first get-a-way (longer than 1-2 nights) from our kids since Caroline was born...so over 5 years. We knew this was an important thing to plan in our 2012 year and we are making it happen. As we were finalizing which week in October...I just all of a sudden lost it. I began to weep...see we will be going right when I would have been around 37 weeks pregnant....that's when our other 3 were delivered.
I wept the fact that we will be able to go. Isn't that silly? And I kept weeping. It came from the very gut of me. So sad to not know that little one. So so very sad.
I tell you this not because I am hoping for a bunch of encouraging comments that we will make it through this. Because see I know this. But I think that there are women out there who have lost little ones and you may not know that others still cry like you do....or that it is okay to cry...still.
I think that grief comes out of nowhere when Wyatt will come and lay his head on my tummy and say something about the baby in there. BAM! I will remind him that there isn't a baby any more. He sighs, and says "Oh yeah." Then later that same evening..."Mommy, we will have to have more water in the bath tub for when the new baby is in here with us." BAM! "No bud, remember there isn't any new baby anymore." "Oh yeah." Days will go by and he will talk about the names we should talk about for the baby. BAM! "No bud...." I pause...I tell him that would be a fun name (some thing CARS themed), but remember there isn't a baby to name any more.
I wept last night and the possible end of this season. For a woman, at least this woman, bearing children has been something I have dreamed about since being a little girl, and now the thought that that era is finished is daunting. I am not sure that I have dreamed past this stage...and for a dreamer that is interesting. My worth CAN NOT be in raising children. The weeping is honest. It's what I do with that weeping that will set forth my attitude towards the future. Does not bearing children anymore say something about my age...that my youth is ending...but that isn't a bad thing. I told Jason that stopping having children seems to mean that I have put and end so to speak to the length of time I will have this job. I am realizing I think as I type...that I haven't dreamed past children. I can't tell you what that looks like. What do you do after you've had your dream job?
Perhaps it's time to allow myself to dream. Do you?
Must be summer.
Must be three kids.
Must be that my heart is still healing and I wonder do you truly want to know where I am? Do you dear reader, want to read about someone else's hurt...
This is the thing I know. Grief comes out of the blue. I truly have been doing really well. I wouldn't say that I think about loosing the baby even every day any more which is so nice to be honest. But the other night I found myself weeping .... again. Poor, sweet Jason. We are planning our first get-a-way (longer than 1-2 nights) from our kids since Caroline was born...so over 5 years. We knew this was an important thing to plan in our 2012 year and we are making it happen. As we were finalizing which week in October...I just all of a sudden lost it. I began to weep...see we will be going right when I would have been around 37 weeks pregnant....that's when our other 3 were delivered.
I wept the fact that we will be able to go. Isn't that silly? And I kept weeping. It came from the very gut of me. So sad to not know that little one. So so very sad.
I tell you this not because I am hoping for a bunch of encouraging comments that we will make it through this. Because see I know this. But I think that there are women out there who have lost little ones and you may not know that others still cry like you do....or that it is okay to cry...still.
I think that grief comes out of nowhere when Wyatt will come and lay his head on my tummy and say something about the baby in there. BAM! I will remind him that there isn't a baby any more. He sighs, and says "Oh yeah." Then later that same evening..."Mommy, we will have to have more water in the bath tub for when the new baby is in here with us." BAM! "No bud, remember there isn't any new baby anymore." "Oh yeah." Days will go by and he will talk about the names we should talk about for the baby. BAM! "No bud...." I pause...I tell him that would be a fun name (some thing CARS themed), but remember there isn't a baby to name any more.
I wept last night and the possible end of this season. For a woman, at least this woman, bearing children has been something I have dreamed about since being a little girl, and now the thought that that era is finished is daunting. I am not sure that I have dreamed past this stage...and for a dreamer that is interesting. My worth CAN NOT be in raising children. The weeping is honest. It's what I do with that weeping that will set forth my attitude towards the future. Does not bearing children anymore say something about my age...that my youth is ending...but that isn't a bad thing. I told Jason that stopping having children seems to mean that I have put and end so to speak to the length of time I will have this job. I am realizing I think as I type...that I haven't dreamed past children. I can't tell you what that looks like. What do you do after you've had your dream job?
Perhaps it's time to allow myself to dream. Do you?
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Teaching Modesty...
It is an interesting thing...modesty. Wanting to look trendy, cute, stylish, thin, fun, expressive, pretty...yet teaching that in today's world is difficult. I know that I can't expect to have a conversation with my girls when they are teens about appropriate or modest clothing if I haven't been having the conversation with them from the beginning. And I can't expect Wyatt to look at girls with respect about their bodies if he hasn't seen me model it and teach it to our girls.
I had a friend stop me today and ask where I got my running shorts because her teenage daughter noticed that I was dressed modestly and wanted to know where I got them. It caught me a bit of guard. I hadn't thought about my shorts being modest...but I guess in today's fashion they are. The mom said, "You never know who is watching you to see how you choose to dress." I guess I had thought about it in relation to what my kids see, but not as much about what my friends kids see. It is possible to have influence without meaning to.
I guess choosing modest clothing has been instilled in me since a young age. No bikini's were allowed in our household. My mom always said that she trusted me she just didn't trust the guy looking at me. I didn't understand that, and probably didn't until I got married. I have heard from some friends that living in the south you just can't say no to bikini's because we all vacation at the beach. Really? Is that the reason. (Sorry not trying to offend, I thought that was a silly reason.) I remember a very specific time in a department store. I wanted a mini-skirt so bad. My parents and I were out shopping. We found one. So cute. But it was a mini-skirt. My parents had me try it on and then they began asking me questions like. "How will you pick something up off of the ground if it falls?" I started to bend over. They stopped me and said, "No if you are going to wear this skirt then you squat down and pick it up keeping your knees together." Then I had to show them how I would sit in a chair. I remember it like it was yesterday. I don't think before that moment I had given much thought to how I bent down to pick something up or how I would sit in regards to my clothing. I would forever think about it from that moment on. All it took was my parents teaching me. I got to get the skirt by the way.
Another time in high school I was wearing a looser fitting shirt that I hadn't thought much about what would happen when I bent over. I didn't look at myself as a sexual being if that makes sense. I didn't look at my body and think some boy would lust over it. But I remember leaning over someone at a basketball game and a boy I knew commented that he liked my bra. I was horrified. I would forever put my hand up on my chest when I bent over now. All it took was someone making me aware. One time in the safety of my parents...another in the lustful comment of a teenage boy. I guess I would prefer for my children to have those comments coming from the safety of a parents voice.
Caroline and I have begun to talk about this since she was being potty trained. Talking about what is appropriate. What is modest. As we look at swim suits, we look at modest ones. Trying to find a tankini (because going potty for a little kid is way easier in a two piece that's for sure) that is modest. Because there is going to come the time when she is going shopping, and I hope she sees one of my friends and comments that she likes their clothing even though it is modest and wants to know where she can get it.
This applies to SO MUCH in parenting in general I think. I can't expect my child to learn and know about how to manage finances when they are older if we don't begin teaching them the "give-save-spend" lesson now. I can't expect them to know about what the consistent time with God can do in your life if I don't model it and begin teaching about it now...when they are young. I can't expect them to know what it means to respect the authority of a boss if I don't expect them to respect my authority. I can't expect my girls to know how to protect the thoughts of the boys they will date if I don't begin teaching modesty now.
So, I have to look at what I am teaching them. It's okay to say we can't afford something. That's good for them to hear. It's okay for me to say I'm choosing not to eat something because I want to be healthy. It's good for me to look in the mirror and ask myself if what I am wearing is appropriate. They are watching...Wyatt too. I don't want to discount what I hope this lesson teaches Wyatt, not just Caroline and Hope. It is my job to teach them. What am I saying...what are they seeing? Dear reader what are you saying...what are your kids seeing? It's a hard question to ask. But their future selves will appreciate it. Be bold. Be different. Start young. You are doing a good work and you can not come down from it!
I had a friend stop me today and ask where I got my running shorts because her teenage daughter noticed that I was dressed modestly and wanted to know where I got them. It caught me a bit of guard. I hadn't thought about my shorts being modest...but I guess in today's fashion they are. The mom said, "You never know who is watching you to see how you choose to dress." I guess I had thought about it in relation to what my kids see, but not as much about what my friends kids see. It is possible to have influence without meaning to.
I guess choosing modest clothing has been instilled in me since a young age. No bikini's were allowed in our household. My mom always said that she trusted me she just didn't trust the guy looking at me. I didn't understand that, and probably didn't until I got married. I have heard from some friends that living in the south you just can't say no to bikini's because we all vacation at the beach. Really? Is that the reason. (Sorry not trying to offend, I thought that was a silly reason.) I remember a very specific time in a department store. I wanted a mini-skirt so bad. My parents and I were out shopping. We found one. So cute. But it was a mini-skirt. My parents had me try it on and then they began asking me questions like. "How will you pick something up off of the ground if it falls?" I started to bend over. They stopped me and said, "No if you are going to wear this skirt then you squat down and pick it up keeping your knees together." Then I had to show them how I would sit in a chair. I remember it like it was yesterday. I don't think before that moment I had given much thought to how I bent down to pick something up or how I would sit in regards to my clothing. I would forever think about it from that moment on. All it took was my parents teaching me. I got to get the skirt by the way.
Another time in high school I was wearing a looser fitting shirt that I hadn't thought much about what would happen when I bent over. I didn't look at myself as a sexual being if that makes sense. I didn't look at my body and think some boy would lust over it. But I remember leaning over someone at a basketball game and a boy I knew commented that he liked my bra. I was horrified. I would forever put my hand up on my chest when I bent over now. All it took was someone making me aware. One time in the safety of my parents...another in the lustful comment of a teenage boy. I guess I would prefer for my children to have those comments coming from the safety of a parents voice.
Caroline and I have begun to talk about this since she was being potty trained. Talking about what is appropriate. What is modest. As we look at swim suits, we look at modest ones. Trying to find a tankini (because going potty for a little kid is way easier in a two piece that's for sure) that is modest. Because there is going to come the time when she is going shopping, and I hope she sees one of my friends and comments that she likes their clothing even though it is modest and wants to know where she can get it.
This applies to SO MUCH in parenting in general I think. I can't expect my child to learn and know about how to manage finances when they are older if we don't begin teaching them the "give-save-spend" lesson now. I can't expect them to know about what the consistent time with God can do in your life if I don't model it and begin teaching about it now...when they are young. I can't expect them to know what it means to respect the authority of a boss if I don't expect them to respect my authority. I can't expect my girls to know how to protect the thoughts of the boys they will date if I don't begin teaching modesty now.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
A Lesson in Conflict Resolution
I do not proclaim to know how to do this...
I am not very good at it myself...
But I watch my children struggle...and I know I have to help even if it is feeble at best.
I had a conversation with a friend of mine the other day and she shared something about one of her children retreating away from a situation when she is teased, or has a toy taken away...basically when she is treated badly she will go and hide (this a pre-schooler by the way). We were talking about if this was alright or should she be made to not leave and deal with this hurt right there.
Then there is the typical day in our household where the Caroline and Wyatt tend to play well with one another...but there is the standard "He won't share." or "I don't want to play with him anymore." or "She hurt my feelings." or "Ahhhhhh NO (followed with some version of a push)".
All of these situations are so very normal. But it is in the teaching of my little guys, and you yours how to handle these situations that I think will shape their ability to handle conflict resolution as teens and adults in a healthy way. That's scary right? I mean...if I am bad at this and would rather retreat how the heck am I going to teach this to my children.
Prayer. Yes of course you say. Patience. Thankful the Lord's mercies are new every morning. One more...TIME. This conflict resolution stuff takes time...took Wyatt an hour the other day. He would not apologize to his sister for hitting and pushing her down. So, he sat in his room on his bed (until he decided he would crawl under the covers and take a little snooze ...ummm no), then on the floor by his bed until he could ask the Lord to help him apologize for his inappropriate behavior. But that took an HOUR. Geez you would think a kid would snap out of it and want to play....
Oh but wait he is cut from the same DNA as his momma and daddy...and let's be honest don't we stew in it a bit before we go and ask for forgiveness or say "Hey can we talk about what happened that hurt my feelings?" We take awhile. So do they.
So in my opinion my friends child who is wanting to retreat when in a hurtful situation - honestly isn't that bad b/c wouldn we want ours to leave a situation where people are hurting them. But, it's what that child does with it in a few minutes or days. I think we do have to teach our children about going back...circling back around to the hard situations in life and handling them head on.
I wonder how many of our marriages would be different if we could learn about the circling back...after the emotions have died down...after the hurt has somewhat subsided. Would some of the marriages been actually saved?
So this prayer, patience and time that are hard to come by...come in amply supply from our Father. I have actually prayed that the Lord would somehow stretch the time when I felt like I needed more of it...I don't know if time was actually stretched or he just helped me to be more efficient in the use of that time. The patience I so desperately need when I lay my head on the pillow at night not quite sure how I will handle another day if it is like today....I wake up with new mercies - not just for my children but also for myself as a mother. The prayer...well...isn't it wonderful how scripture says that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us when just can't utter another word....
The Lord knows you. He knows your children. I believe He would have us learn and then also teach conflict resolution to our little ones. In our household it is going to the person you have wronged. Look them in the eye. Say I am sorry AND ask for forgiveness. Then the other person answers back, Yes I forgive you.
I think the asking for forgiveness part is crucial. I must admit that when I asked this of Jason in our early marriage he would say you don't need to ask for forgiveness for that. To which I would answer, but I do. I disrespected you, or hurt you...or (fill in the blank) against you...please forgive me. It's probably because my mom drilled in my head as a child, teen and young adult this phrase and it has stuck with me.
"Are you sorry you did it or are you sorry you got caught?" (note to self...it might be time to begin saying that around here)
I think most of us would say - if we were honest - we are sorry we got caught. But that isn't the true repentant heart. Sometimes I would answer my mom that I was genuinely sorry I did something...I think the punishment changed if that was the answer...but they created such a climate at home that we also knew it was okay to answer that we were sorry we got caught.
I want to be sorry I did something. I want to teach that to my children. I want them to have healthy interpersonal relationships with those around them. Not stuffing anger away, but learning that sometimes you need a little space to calm down, but then how to go and circle back and make it right.
Teach me Lord. Teach my children through me. I am doing a good work and I can not come down from it.
I am not very good at it myself...
But I watch my children struggle...and I know I have to help even if it is feeble at best.
I had a conversation with a friend of mine the other day and she shared something about one of her children retreating away from a situation when she is teased, or has a toy taken away...basically when she is treated badly she will go and hide (this a pre-schooler by the way). We were talking about if this was alright or should she be made to not leave and deal with this hurt right there.
Then there is the typical day in our household where the Caroline and Wyatt tend to play well with one another...but there is the standard "He won't share." or "I don't want to play with him anymore." or "She hurt my feelings." or "Ahhhhhh NO (followed with some version of a push)".
All of these situations are so very normal. But it is in the teaching of my little guys, and you yours how to handle these situations that I think will shape their ability to handle conflict resolution as teens and adults in a healthy way. That's scary right? I mean...if I am bad at this and would rather retreat how the heck am I going to teach this to my children.
Prayer. Yes of course you say. Patience. Thankful the Lord's mercies are new every morning. One more...TIME. This conflict resolution stuff takes time...took Wyatt an hour the other day. He would not apologize to his sister for hitting and pushing her down. So, he sat in his room on his bed (until he decided he would crawl under the covers and take a little snooze ...ummm no), then on the floor by his bed until he could ask the Lord to help him apologize for his inappropriate behavior. But that took an HOUR. Geez you would think a kid would snap out of it and want to play....
Oh but wait he is cut from the same DNA as his momma and daddy...and let's be honest don't we stew in it a bit before we go and ask for forgiveness or say "Hey can we talk about what happened that hurt my feelings?" We take awhile. So do they.
So in my opinion my friends child who is wanting to retreat when in a hurtful situation - honestly isn't that bad b/c wouldn we want ours to leave a situation where people are hurting them. But, it's what that child does with it in a few minutes or days. I think we do have to teach our children about going back...circling back around to the hard situations in life and handling them head on.
I wonder how many of our marriages would be different if we could learn about the circling back...after the emotions have died down...after the hurt has somewhat subsided. Would some of the marriages been actually saved?
So this prayer, patience and time that are hard to come by...come in amply supply from our Father. I have actually prayed that the Lord would somehow stretch the time when I felt like I needed more of it...I don't know if time was actually stretched or he just helped me to be more efficient in the use of that time. The patience I so desperately need when I lay my head on the pillow at night not quite sure how I will handle another day if it is like today....I wake up with new mercies - not just for my children but also for myself as a mother. The prayer...well...isn't it wonderful how scripture says that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us when just can't utter another word....
The Lord knows you. He knows your children. I believe He would have us learn and then also teach conflict resolution to our little ones. In our household it is going to the person you have wronged. Look them in the eye. Say I am sorry AND ask for forgiveness. Then the other person answers back, Yes I forgive you.
I think the asking for forgiveness part is crucial. I must admit that when I asked this of Jason in our early marriage he would say you don't need to ask for forgiveness for that. To which I would answer, but I do. I disrespected you, or hurt you...or (fill in the blank) against you...please forgive me. It's probably because my mom drilled in my head as a child, teen and young adult this phrase and it has stuck with me.
"Are you sorry you did it or are you sorry you got caught?" (note to self...it might be time to begin saying that around here)
I think most of us would say - if we were honest - we are sorry we got caught. But that isn't the true repentant heart. Sometimes I would answer my mom that I was genuinely sorry I did something...I think the punishment changed if that was the answer...but they created such a climate at home that we also knew it was okay to answer that we were sorry we got caught.
I want to be sorry I did something. I want to teach that to my children. I want them to have healthy interpersonal relationships with those around them. Not stuffing anger away, but learning that sometimes you need a little space to calm down, but then how to go and circle back and make it right.
Teach me Lord. Teach my children through me. I am doing a good work and I can not come down from it.
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