You are Lovely

I have been reading the book "Bringing Up Girls" by James Dobson recently and have been blown away by all that I learned-scared the bejezus out of me! But toward the end there is this part I wanted to share and then expound on...from Chapter 22

"We have all heard it said that a woman is most beautiful when she is in love. It's true. You've seen it yourself. When a woman knows that she is loved and loved deeply,she glows from the inside. This radiance stems from a heart that has had it's deepest question answered. 'Am I lovely? Am I worth fighting for? Have I been and will I continue to be romanced?' When these questions are answered, Yes, a restful quiet spirit settles in a woman's heart. And every woman can have these questions answered, Yes. You have been and will continue to be romanced all your life. Yes. Our God finds you lovely."

When I read that today I began to cry. I have known this for a long time...but still reading it, knowing He thinks I am lovely...takes my breath away. Then, I pause and think how will I teach this to my girls. By telling them yes...that God made them he finds them beautiful, lovely...Jason and I sharing it with them...but also me believing it - and sharing with them how their Daddy finds me lovely...and how their Daddy finds them lovely.
It all started in the middle of August 2003. I was in the middle of starting the KidStuf program at Buckhead Church (one of NPCC campuses). We were building the set, I needed help so they sent a couple guys to help unload the lumber one day. I met two guys, both cute...but pretty sure they were much younger than me. The one red head needed the work so he kept coming around helping out now with actually building the set. We would talk...we would share about how over the last 12 months our hearts had been shattered and then stomped on by someone we were dating and were fairly certain we would marry...I enjoyed his company...too much. I began praying for him b/c he was in such a time of uncertainty w/ where the Lord wanted to use him in ministry (he had just left a teaching/coaching job to pursue ministry), his heart was broken...he was a wreck...a cute wreck...but a wreck all the same. As I prayed for him I told the Lord (like how I do that - ha) that I didn't need any more guy friends and could he just take him out of my life. Fine to have met him and know him, but don't need him around. As we got more and more comfortable with one another - the flirting began - harmless...right...well, when you have had your heart smashed flirting hurts. I didn't want another friend. However, as I prayed for him I felt like the Lord just kept saying over and over - Be his friend. AHHHH! Really Lord? So I would listen to him as he needed to talk about "her"...his heart. It was very difficult to watch him heal. Towards the end of September. September 25, 2003 actually he was at church helping w/ some things on the set, not quite sure how it happened but a bet was placed- I lost which meant I owed him dinner. So I invited him to my apartment for dinner that night! What!? He came. He stayed until 2am and we laughed. At the end of the night he thanked me for helping him laugh again. We began talking on the phone - spending more and more time together. I kept praying - Lord I don't need another friend. The Lord kept saying - Be his friend. See, here is where I deviated from what I had done in the past. I began to feel things for this man, that I didn't want to feel. When I began to feel these things in the past I just ran with it. No stopping me...but this time I asked the Lord's permission. I wanted to love him. This time I asked the Lord and he said - No. Be his friend. Really, but he just kissed me. My heart is falling for him...I would listen to him. I would encourage him. I would laugh, and flirt...and be his friend. Every month or so I would visit that question again with the Lord and he kept saying - Be his friend. Be his friend. But then, after Christmas something happened in his heart. He began to allow himself to love again. As he handed me a gift he told me "Thank you for teaching me how to love." Woah. So he actually began pursuing me. Telling me I was beautiful. Complementing my heart, my character...and then one night at 7:22 in the middle of worshiping beside him, I asked the Lord again...When do I get to love him? The answer -NOW! Oh my heart beamed. It shone. I wanted to grab him and tell him what the Lord had said to my heart...that would've been a bit much. But I knew, then...that I had gotten the Lord's blessing - not my own construed idea of love or who I should love - but the Lord's idea of it...so I began to love Jason with all of my heart. We were engaged on April 21, and then married September 25, 2004 - 12 months exactly after our first night hanging out.
I share this story, one because I love it! But mostly b/c this kind of story is what the Lord intended all along for me. It was when I stepped out of his boundaries that my heart got smashed. I don't know why it never dawned on me to ask the Lord's permission to fall in love before. I knew He believed me to be beautiful - to be lovely....but I wonder if I believed it. Because a woman who knows-trusts-believes she is beautiful to the Father will I think - wait to believe she is beautiful from a man. So, I think it is important for Jason and I to show them-tell them our love story. For us to tell them about the Lord's love of them. But my prayers need to change for their "special man" (that's what we call him) ...our prayers need to be that they will believe they are lovely to the Lord. Help me Lord, to honestly show our children what it is to love a spouse. To love you and be loved in return.