Treasuring Things Up

You know how in the bible in Luke 2:19 it says, "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." I was overcome today trying to figure out how to make my heart do this.

I see something happen in or with my kids and it's like I am memorizing for an exam all over again...I repeat what was just said, or stare a little longer at the situation, or actually speak out loud "Don't forget this" trying to impress on my heart and mind the need to never forget this specific "thing." Then I got a bit sad...because I know I will forget.

Then my prayer turned to, "Lord let me be ever present not looking back wishing I had more time in a specific season with my children. Let me be good where I am at."

I wonder if that's what it means to treasure things up in your heart. It doesn't say mind. I wonder if treasuring in my heart means that I allow my children to impress on my heart in such a way that it transforms me...that what the Lord teaches me through them will permanently be fixed in my heart...that it will change me.

I have to come to grips that I will forget the nuances of their baby laugh...their toothless grin...their need to show me every boo boo...the first time they say my name...all the lunch conversations...all the snuggling...the flashlights under sheets...blanket tents...the glance in the back of the car and your eyes meet and you just know you love one another...oh my heart...

I have said before that from the time they are born the "letting go" process begins. It is my job to work myself out of a job. This is hard. It sometimes feels like it could very well break my heart instead of shape it...that the expansion I go through every time I have a child (not my size - ha, but my heart) just might very well cause it to explode.

Oh Lord...today...I want you to teach me about treasuring these things up in my heart. Not so much that I feel the pressure to remember all of the nuances...but that I feel the pressure to learn what you want to teach me through my children so my heart might change.

Thank you for this most awesome gift.

*pic of my three babes and me! Sigh.

Leading your Husband

I am independent, strong, don't like to be told what to do...in case you hadn't picked up on that in any previous post. I got married when I was 29. I think I had a notion of what "the spiritual leader" in the home was supposed to look like. I had this kind of story book picture of that man. Honestly, I am thankful Jason isn't what I thought I needed all along...or what was supposed to be opposite me. The Lord knew what I would need.

For awhile in our early years of marriage I would get frustrated b/c I wanted him to say let's pray, or let's read this book together...that's not him. My husband is most definitely the head of our household. I was waiting for him to initiate some of the learning and time spent together...this wasn't happening and I was growing increasingly frustrated.

Then we spent the best couple hundred bucks on our marriage we have ever spent. We hired some time w/ a counselor who specializes in the myers briggs personality tests. We took them. He analyzed them. Then he spent about 1.5 hours on the phone with us talking through our results, encouraging us, and challenging us to love and work with one another in the personalities that God has given us. We hung up the phone, looked at each other and were so thankful for how the Lord has made each of us different.

I then asked Jason...what he thought about me getting on our calendar and planning out 4 overnight get a ways for the next year and going ahead and putting it on our calendars. He said great. I had no idea he would be okay with that. I am a planner. He is not, but if it is on the calendar he is pumped about it and totally wants to do it. Then I asked if he would be okay if I went and chose a book for us to read together and said things like..."Ok tomorrow night we'll discuss chapter 2. Are you cool with that?" He totally was. I told him I would still love for him to lead the conversation ....but he just needed someone to take the initiative-choose the book-and get us going.

Ahhh Team Hodges once again at play. It takes both of our strengths to make this thing work. All it took was me asking Jason if he would be okay if I took the lead on getting us started...see I had been afraid that I would be stepping on his "head of the home/spiritual leader" shoes if I did any of that. No...what I realized was that I was setting him up in a better way TO lead our family by assisting him.

So thankful I realized this. So thankful we asked for help instead of allowing frustration to fester and lead to bitterness which can only destroy instead of build up. So reader...what are those unique things to your personalities with your spouse that if you could see them as strengths it would change your perspective of your mate? Be willing to acknowledge where you need help. Be willing to seek it out. Be willing to NEED your spouse.

*pic from our honeymoon right before we went and rode ATV's. Loved it!

Teaching for the Future

Today has seemed to be just one of those days as a parent. Hard. Not awful. Just hard. You know that you need to address an issue, yet that is going to take time and effort and you know it won't be this one time you have to talk about it.

Thursdays we meet up with two other families and do home school together for a couple of hours. I have been doing this the past two years 1-2 days a week and it has been great. Each mom teaches something different and we all help. We even have one of the gals mother-in-laws over to teach art b/c she used to teach it herself...it has been great.

I teach bible. So that means we do some kind of devotion, then work on the catechism, and then do worship time together.
The next mom then does some kind of science book and experiment.
Then we divide the little ones from the big kids. Big kids stay and do art while we moms take little ones up stairs and do a craft about one of the letters of the alphabet.
Then we all do lunch together usually and have some play time.

This is great.

But you know that moment as a mom where you are watching your child behave poorly and its all you can do to not defend them. "They aren't usually like this." But then I am looking at Wyatt not have self-control w/ his body and is keeping other kids from being able to do worship so I have to take him to the stairs to calm down...he cries so hard.
But then you have a moment when you are away from a child and the older one is being instructed by another adult and they make poor behavior choices as well. So much so that after 3 warnings she came to get me. Really?! This is going to take time. I am slightly embarrassed for me (honestly) and for her. We talk about it and she goes in to apologize and ask for forgiveness. In that moment I have all the extreme emotions of "Oh my gosh she will never be ready for school we definitely can't send her to public school...does she know how to respect authority?" ---- "She must go to public school she has to begin having some instruction away from me to learn about how to behave toward other people."

My children misbehave. Don't get me wrong...it's just I think today it confirmed again that my children are sinful. I know that...but I KNOW it in a whole different way today. I see that there are going to be times when I can't step in and stop them from sinning...I won't be able to always be there to remind them to have self-control...or to respect the authority figure that is over them. Their choices in those moments will shape them. So even as I type this I am reminded that much of parenting is for the future...not the now. I don't want a teen age son who can't exhibit self-control with the young girl he is dating and keep his hands to himself. I don't want a daughter who is a young woman that can't hold down a job because she questions the authority figure over her.

Lord- give me wisdom in the now for the future you are shaping in my children. When I am weary...give me endurance to parent and to parent well. To remember I am not meant to be their friend...or necessarily even have them like me so much right now...I am in charge. I am the parent. Help me remember that they too have a choice. It is not mine to control, but to shape toward living a life that honors you. I pray mine does today!

*pic of Wyatt and Caroline with our dog Zeke

Personalities

Last night I was at Birds on a Wire! So thankful for Karen Stubbs and her ministry to young moms!

We were talking/learning about the 4 different personality types. There is a great book called "Personality Plus" that talks about all of this in more detail, but basically...

Sanguine - inventive, imaginative, cheerful, innocent, charming, fun-loving, energized by people, impulsive, dramatic, they want affirmation, approval, affection, and acceptance

Choleric - they see a goal and go after it, move very quickly, competitive, leaders/assertive, self confident, trust worthy, they can make you question your competence as a mom, make their own rules...they want control

Melancholy - thinkers, creative, musicians, organized, quiet, high standards for themselves and others, sensitive to others, good students, sweet spirits, literal, they need sensitivity, support, space and silence

Phlegmatic - easy going, dependable, loveable, hide their emotions, pleasers, will be a leader if they are pushed, look for easy way to do things - can be lazy, like to sleep, stubborn and strong willed, always give them options, and push out of their comfort zone

So what Karen was saying is that it is so important for us to know what we are ourselves, what our spouse is, and then what our kids are. This will make parenting clearer. Also...remembering that all 4 of these are created by God. None of them are "better" than the other.

Being a choleric/sanguine myself it is hard to not think my way is the only way. No, I have little ones who very well are the other personality types and they won't respond necessarily to my choleric view points...esp if I end up w a phlegmatic.

As a child I honestly didn't think I was being disrespectful to my parents. I wasn't trying to be...I just literally thought I knew a better way to do things.

This goes back to Wyatt's potty training too (read The Humor in Potty Training post if you want a good laugh)...he is my sanguine...he needed the act of going to the potty to be a blast...to be hilarious...

I am thankful for the reminder last night that it is my job to figure my kids out. To look at their personalities as gifts from the Lord...they will need shaping, they will need guidance - but if I expect them to learn about life the way I did...that is misguided. I need to make sure I am giving space where it is needed. I am offering up that attention and affection where needed. And I am giving a little push out the door where needed...

This is also so key in looking at my relationship with Jason. He is phlegmatic/sanguine...my choleric and his phlegmatic sides will conflict but when I remember he too is created in the image of God this helps to diffuse my need for control...my need to set the pace and the schedule. I am so thankful Jason is different from me. I am so thankful there is a balance there. A balance I didn't know I needed.

So reader, figure out yourself, spouse and kids. Then as you realize what it is they are I think it will enable us to be more intentional in how we parent. This job is not for the faint of heart. You are doing a good work and you can not come down from it!

*pics are of Hope sporting her new hair style, Wyatt at his Mimi's 60th bday party, and Caroline in a tent at home! Enjoy.

The Classifieds

Okay so another little nugget of learning about Allison. I think it is important to be able to laugh at oneself...or at least to tell a story in a way that others for sure can laugh at you. This dear reader I hope does just that.

I think I have mentioned in previous posts that I am a bit naive. That...I just have never seen the perverted side of things. Honestly, I am thankful for this quality. I am thankful that I think people are generally good, honest, loyal etc...this has also been the cause for some heartbreak over the years...but in general I am thankful that I see the world the way I do.

It is the summer before my freshman year of college. Mom and dad have said that it is time for me to find that ever coveted summer job. Uggghh! Really...a summer job? Ok...I think about what I like/love to do and think surely can't there be a job that I can do for the summer that I would like/love? Mom suggests that I look in the classifieds. No problem.

Now with my background in theater and dance I am of course drawn to anything with any kind of performing background. I begin to scan the paper...there it is...the perfect job it reads "Dancer wanted". Perfect. I call in to my mom and say there is a place looking for a dancer. Mom thinks it surely has to be divine (again remember the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree). She says to call. I do.
Me: Hello, yes sir I just saw your add in the paper looking for a dancer. I have a long resume of dance experience and would love to talk to you about auditioning.
Man: Yeah you got a problem going topless?
Me: Excuse me?
Man: Yeah topless.
Me: Ummm yes sir I have a problem going topless.
(we hang up)
Mom you won't believe it. He wanted to know if I would go topless.
(Both of us extremely horrified at the events that have just taken place. I pick the paper up and begin looking again.)

Me: Oh mom, here's another ad saying "Dancer wanted". I think I will call.

Now...let's pause here. Most of you would say that you detected the kind of establishment before the first phone call. Many of you would say that you sure as heck could determine what kind of place it was going to be the 2nd time around especially after the first phone call. Not me. No sir. I call the second one.

Me: Yes sir I see your ad looking for a dancer and I wanted to ask you...
Man: Yeah you got a problem going topless?
Me: Yes sir, yes sir I do.

And there you have it. My quest for a summer job in Kansas City. Wow! Who knew dancers were in such high demand. Who knew, there would be a dupe like me to not figure it out at least before the 2nd phone call.

I guess the beautiful thing here is that I didn't go down there to apply in person! Yikes can you imagine? I hope you have enjoyed a little laugh, or a big one for that matter. And remember, if the ad says "Dancer Wanted" it is not for a Macaroni Grill kind of place but with dancing instead of singing...no...no it's not at all.

A Lone Horse

When you see the words "best friend" what do you think of? Is it that girl that you talk to every day be it relative or not? Is it that girl that you share everything with...probably more than you should? Is it that girl that you share clothes with, finish their sentences, have in the birthing room with you...have to see daily or for sure weekly? Is it that necklace you had in middle school that you wore half and your best friend wore the other?

Do you have a best friend as an adult? I have thought on this subject often. See...I don't think I have a best girl friend...NOR do I think there is a girl out there that is calling me her best friend. I don't share this for the "Oh sweet Allison, I'll be your friend." No, I have friends...I just don't believe that I am, or have a best girl friend.

I have always grown up much more interested in guy friendships. I always seemed to have more guy friends, and honestly preferred them. Girls (growing up) seemed shallow, petty, back stabbing, dis-loyal. Now, don't get me wrong I had some good girl friends growing up...they were in my wedding and I love them. But who I wanted to talk to, and make sure was in my day to day were guys. If I could have had a guy be my maid of honor...I would have.

Interesting, in college I had a best friend who was a guy my freshman year. We grew up in the same church and found ourselves at TCU together. We did everything together and talked almost every day if we didn't see each other at some point. I would go on dates w/ his friends and he with mine. When we came back to school for our sophomore year we had been apart our whole summer doing different summer jobs and as we were riding in his car to his off campus house to hang w/ our friends he told me we couldn't be best friends anymore. I was shocked. I was hurt. He was right. He went on to say that he knew he wasn't going to marry me and because of that and in hope of his future wife I couldn't be his best friend. I learned many things from this friend on mine in those college years and this was one of the huge lessons. I couldn't and shouldn't have a boy be my best friend...in hopes of my husband some day.

I think what I am trying to say is that sometimes I feel weird that I don't have a best girl friend...nor do I really want one. I will see someones fb status and it will say something like, "I can't wait to hang w/ my bestie tonight." I can't even imagine typing that. Honestly...for me it is Jason. I want to be with him every day. I can't go a day without talking to him. I like the occasional girls night out...but weirdly I seem to always be checking my watch excited to go home to him.

I think on this and realize that I didn't grow up watching a mom have girl friends that she hung out with. Mom says I am genetically predisposed to this. It was always our family doing things together. Then on the other side I watch my mother in law have a group of girls that she has known forever. They do tons of stuff together. From lunches to trips. This concept is so foreign to me.

I think I keep wanting to be someone's best friend. But that takes a lot of work. I don't feel like I am a good enough listener to be someone's best friend. But then I think about Jason. He is my best friend. I don't say that cheesily...I am good with this. It is different than the norm,I think....but maybe you reader find yourself like this too and it's helpful to know that you aren't alone.

So today...I am deciding to be okay with being a lone horse. When I have a problem honestly I find myself talking to the Lord about it or Jason. I journal and write it down. It is rare that I pick up the phone and call a girl friend to ask their advice. I think it's great if you have that. But I am deciding that I don't need to be like others. I need to stop looking to my left and right to see how I am doing (Thanks Andy Stanley for a great sermon series called The Comparison Trap).

*pics from this years GA bowl game, our wedding and honeymoon in Aruba

Big Rocks

As we were getting ready to leave Kansas this past Christmas my dear sweet sister-in-law handed us a gift. It was a large glass container w/ a plant in it and several rocks. She and my brother wanted to encourage Jason and I to determine what our "big rocks" were going to be for 2012 and put those in first and let all the little ones come in after it.

I remembered reading that kind of idea and actually heard Andy speak on it once at our church. Still such a good hands on kind of exercise for our family to set in place those things that will take priority for our family in 2012. We did the exercise and wrote the words in sharpie on the rocks and they are a visual reminder of what we said is important for 2012.

I asked our kids some of their ideas for what they thought was most important for the next year. They said some great things...like dates w/ mom and dad. I love that. That idea turned into the big rock of "intentional one on one time with each child".

They said going to the beach. For us that turned into the big rock of "family of 5 vacation time". We may not be able to go to a specific place, but we can be specific in our time together.

We have some other financial, marriage, and health kinds of rocks too. But the one that seems to stick out in my head is this one thing of "protecting our nucleus of 5".

I am kind of coming to terms with the fact that I will be 37 this March. I am my own adult. We have a mortgage. We, ourselves have 3 children. We alone are a family. As our children get older I am realizing the need to protect our family. Meaning...there will be times when we have to say no to friends and other family members because it isn't what is best for our family. I had this conversation with my mom when they were here a couple of weeks ago. She received it so well and agrees with how Jason and I are processing the thought that we are a family first, and then siblings and parents come in to play. Mom and I discussed that that might mean I don't drive to Kansas AS often as before b/c it just might be too difficult. It might mean holidays look different...I love how mom received that. We might never wake up in Kansas on Christmas any more...we may choose to make sure our kids have Christmas in their own home and then travel. Mom said that's great. Most families do that.

So...I guess this is to say that Jason and I are growing up. Prioritizing our family first...then letting the rest of the rocks settle into place. I just want to encourage you reader to protect your little nucleus also. To figure out what works for your clan and then let the rest fall. What are your big rocks?