Today has seemed to be just one of those days as a parent. Hard. Not awful. Just hard. You know that you need to address an issue, yet that is going to take time and effort and you know it won't be this one time you have to talk about it.
Thursdays we meet up with two other families and do home school together for a couple of hours. I have been doing this the past two years 1-2 days a week and it has been great. Each mom teaches something different and we all help. We even have one of the gals mother-in-laws over to teach art b/c she used to teach it herself...it has been great.
I teach bible. So that means we do some kind of devotion, then work on the catechism, and then do worship time together.
The next mom then does some kind of science book and experiment.
Then we divide the little ones from the big kids. Big kids stay and do art while we moms take little ones up stairs and do a craft about one of the letters of the alphabet.
Then we all do lunch together usually and have some play time.
This is great.
But you know that moment as a mom where you are watching your child behave poorly and its all you can do to not defend them. "They aren't usually like this." But then I am looking at Wyatt not have self-control w/ his body and is keeping other kids from being able to do worship so I have to take him to the stairs to calm down...he cries so hard.
But then you have a moment when you are away from a child and the older one is being instructed by another adult and they make poor behavior choices as well. So much so that after 3 warnings she came to get me. Really?! This is going to take time. I am slightly embarrassed for me (honestly) and for her. We talk about it and she goes in to apologize and ask for forgiveness. In that moment I have all the extreme emotions of "Oh my gosh she will never be ready for school we definitely can't send her to public school...does she know how to respect authority?" ---- "She must go to public school she has to begin having some instruction away from me to learn about how to behave toward other people."
My children misbehave. Don't get me wrong...it's just I think today it confirmed again that my children are sinful. I know that...but I KNOW it in a whole different way today. I see that there are going to be times when I can't step in and stop them from sinning...I won't be able to always be there to remind them to have self-control...or to respect the authority figure that is over them. Their choices in those moments will shape them. So even as I type this I am reminded that much of parenting is for the future...not the now. I don't want a teen age son who can't exhibit self-control with the young girl he is dating and keep his hands to himself. I don't want a daughter who is a young woman that can't hold down a job because she questions the authority figure over her.
Lord- give me wisdom in the now for the future you are shaping in my children. When I am weary...give me endurance to parent and to parent well. To remember I am not meant to be their friend...or necessarily even have them like me so much right now...I am in charge. I am the parent. Help me remember that they too have a choice. It is not mine to control, but to shape toward living a life that honors you. I pray mine does today!
*pic of Wyatt and Caroline with our dog Zeke
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