Monday, February 27, 2012
Leading your Husband
I am independent, strong, don't like to be told what to do...in case you hadn't picked up on that in any previous post. I got married when I was 29. I think I had a notion of what "the spiritual leader" in the home was supposed to look like. I had this kind of story book picture of that man. Honestly, I am thankful Jason isn't what I thought I needed all along...or what was supposed to be opposite me. The Lord knew what I would need.
For awhile in our early years of marriage I would get frustrated b/c I wanted him to say let's pray, or let's read this book together...that's not him. My husband is most definitely the head of our household. I was waiting for him to initiate some of the learning and time spent together...this wasn't happening and I was growing increasingly frustrated.
Then we spent the best couple hundred bucks on our marriage we have ever spent. We hired some time w/ a counselor who specializes in the myers briggs personality tests. We took them. He analyzed them. Then he spent about 1.5 hours on the phone with us talking through our results, encouraging us, and challenging us to love and work with one another in the personalities that God has given us. We hung up the phone, looked at each other and were so thankful for how the Lord has made each of us different.
I then asked Jason...what he thought about me getting on our calendar and planning out 4 overnight get a ways for the next year and going ahead and putting it on our calendars. He said great. I had no idea he would be okay with that. I am a planner. He is not, but if it is on the calendar he is pumped about it and totally wants to do it. Then I asked if he would be okay if I went and chose a book for us to read together and said things like..."Ok tomorrow night we'll discuss chapter 2. Are you cool with that?" He totally was. I told him I would still love for him to lead the conversation ....but he just needed someone to take the initiative-choose the book-and get us going.
Ahhh Team Hodges once again at play. It takes both of our strengths to make this thing work. All it took was me asking Jason if he would be okay if I took the lead on getting us started...see I had been afraid that I would be stepping on his "head of the home/spiritual leader" shoes if I did any of that. No...what I realized was that I was setting him up in a better way TO lead our family by assisting him.
So thankful I realized this. So thankful we asked for help instead of allowing frustration to fester and lead to bitterness which can only destroy instead of build up. So reader...what are those unique things to your personalities with your spouse that if you could see them as strengths it would change your perspective of your mate? Be willing to acknowledge where you need help. Be willing to seek it out. Be willing to NEED your spouse.
*pic from our honeymoon right before we went and rode ATV's. Loved it!
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