A Lone Horse

When you see the words "best friend" what do you think of? Is it that girl that you talk to every day be it relative or not? Is it that girl that you share everything with...probably more than you should? Is it that girl that you share clothes with, finish their sentences, have in the birthing room with you...have to see daily or for sure weekly? Is it that necklace you had in middle school that you wore half and your best friend wore the other?

Do you have a best friend as an adult? I have thought on this subject often. See...I don't think I have a best girl friend...NOR do I think there is a girl out there that is calling me her best friend. I don't share this for the "Oh sweet Allison, I'll be your friend." No, I have friends...I just don't believe that I am, or have a best girl friend.

I have always grown up much more interested in guy friendships. I always seemed to have more guy friends, and honestly preferred them. Girls (growing up) seemed shallow, petty, back stabbing, dis-loyal. Now, don't get me wrong I had some good girl friends growing up...they were in my wedding and I love them. But who I wanted to talk to, and make sure was in my day to day were guys. If I could have had a guy be my maid of honor...I would have.

Interesting, in college I had a best friend who was a guy my freshman year. We grew up in the same church and found ourselves at TCU together. We did everything together and talked almost every day if we didn't see each other at some point. I would go on dates w/ his friends and he with mine. When we came back to school for our sophomore year we had been apart our whole summer doing different summer jobs and as we were riding in his car to his off campus house to hang w/ our friends he told me we couldn't be best friends anymore. I was shocked. I was hurt. He was right. He went on to say that he knew he wasn't going to marry me and because of that and in hope of his future wife I couldn't be his best friend. I learned many things from this friend on mine in those college years and this was one of the huge lessons. I couldn't and shouldn't have a boy be my best friend...in hopes of my husband some day.

I think what I am trying to say is that sometimes I feel weird that I don't have a best girl friend...nor do I really want one. I will see someones fb status and it will say something like, "I can't wait to hang w/ my bestie tonight." I can't even imagine typing that. Honestly...for me it is Jason. I want to be with him every day. I can't go a day without talking to him. I like the occasional girls night out...but weirdly I seem to always be checking my watch excited to go home to him.

I think on this and realize that I didn't grow up watching a mom have girl friends that she hung out with. Mom says I am genetically predisposed to this. It was always our family doing things together. Then on the other side I watch my mother in law have a group of girls that she has known forever. They do tons of stuff together. From lunches to trips. This concept is so foreign to me.

I think I keep wanting to be someone's best friend. But that takes a lot of work. I don't feel like I am a good enough listener to be someone's best friend. But then I think about Jason. He is my best friend. I don't say that cheesily...I am good with this. It is different than the norm,I think....but maybe you reader find yourself like this too and it's helpful to know that you aren't alone.

So today...I am deciding to be okay with being a lone horse. When I have a problem honestly I find myself talking to the Lord about it or Jason. I journal and write it down. It is rare that I pick up the phone and call a girl friend to ask their advice. I think it's great if you have that. But I am deciding that I don't need to be like others. I need to stop looking to my left and right to see how I am doing (Thanks Andy Stanley for a great sermon series called The Comparison Trap).

*pics from this years GA bowl game, our wedding and honeymoon in Aruba