I have shared about a lot of people who have influenced my life, but I haven't shared about my big brother yet. Darren. A big brother should be lots of things (especially to a little sister)...antagonizer, defender, coach, counselor, team mate, judge, path paver, and friend...I believe Darren did all of that, and still does to some extent.
Darren was that big brother that when a big ol Kansas thunderstorm would sweep through in the middle of the night would let me crawl in bed with him and he would read me a story until I fell back asleep.
Darren was that big brother that tried new wrestling moves out on me.
Darren was that big brother who taught me how to shoot a basketball.
Darren was that big brother who would use me as target practice. Let me explain. We lived out in the country and our long driveway was made up of rock pebbles. I would ride my bike up and down the main road - so going horizontal to the house...our driveway was vertical to the main road (alright so my big brother just read this and corrected me through his laughter that actually it is perpendicular...ugghhh). Darren would stand in the driveway and have batting practice w/ the rock pebbles and I was his moving target. Ha!
There was a season when every time Darren would walk by me he would poke me in the stomach and smack me on my forehead...every time.
Darren was that big brother who used to charge me to wear his clothes (I know...it was the late 80's early 90's and baggy was in). That was quickly stopped once Dad heard about it and he began to charge Darren to wear his clothes.
Darren was the big brother who told me that I should never ever use the middle finger for anything. It was very bad. I was too young to know exactly what it meant. Fast forward a couple of days and we are at friends of the families house. Our parents have gone out to dinner...so it is Darren and me and then the other families daughter and one of her friends...they were older, maybe late middle or early high school...They began to do sign language. They wouldn't tell me what they were saying...I got so mad. I then proceeded to say, "Oh yeah, well here's a sign I bet you don't know." And I flashed that middle finger. Classy...oh yeah. They began to laugh. I immediately was horrified at my actions. My parents laughed.
But Darren was also the big brother who taught and challenged me in my choice of purity for my life. And he also taught me about what to expect on a date. Let me explain. My sophomore year of high school for Christmas my brother gave me a solid gold ring. It was a simple band. Looked like a wedding ring. He said this was my purity ring. He challenged me to remain a virgin until I got married. I took that challenge very seriously. Darren also would take me on dates. This didn't really happen that much until we were in college at TCU together. His senior year, my freshman. He would call early in the week and ask me out on a date. He would arrive on time, in a suit with flowers. He would open doors. He paid the check. He asked me questions and didn't totally dominate the conversation. He would take me home, walk me to the door and give me the biggest hug. My brother had this way (still does) of whispering these megga challenges or truths in my ear as he is parting ways with me...on these dates he would say things like, "This is what you deserve from a man, and what you should expect. Take nothing less."
On my wedding day I was able to give Jason my purity ring. I had it attached to the inside of his wedding ring. It was an awesome moment...he always has it with him. I am so very thankful for the challenges that my brother put before me.
I am not sure what my parents did to enable Darren and I to have a healthy sibling relationship. I think lots of things played into it...family vacations, family time together at home. Going to all his games...he to all my shows. Family dinners. We really didn't become friends until he went off to college. Something was fostered early...and bloomed as young adults. I am so very thankful.
I pray my children have adult relationships that are healthy. I pray that I can do little things now to foster that. That also means there will be the poking and slapping every time they walk by one another. It means they will climb in bed with one another to seek peace...I pray it means big truths will be whispered in each others ears as they part company...siblings...what a glorious gift from the Lord!
*pics are of Darren holding Caroline after she was born (he drove from Kansas for the birth, stayed less than 24 hours and drove back), and a pic from our rehearsal dinner...clearly he is telling me something important about marriage.
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