Work Ethic with Rest

I grew up in a home where having a strong work ethic seemed understood. I honestly can't think of many times where I didn't see my parents working hard w/ their jobs or working hard at home on jobs there. Basically I didn't see my parents rest that often...perhaps on the family vacation they did rest. If we were home though it seemed filled w/ work.

Now, I don't know if it is possible to say they didn't rest b/c I think all of the work it took to maintain our home/land was somewhat relaxing to them. I mean they enjoyed it at least. I rarely saw them spend a whole Saturday relaxing...watching "the boob tube" (as my dad would call it), or reading a book, or ________. There was ALWAYS something to be done around the house/property so they did it. What a great thing I learned. Work ethic. The Lord had entrusted this home to them so they worked to maintain it themselves. They used the land to feed us. I mean a massive garden every year. I know this b/c I was out there every day weeding or picking the ready to harvest food daily. I learned to observe a situation and see what needs to be done and then go and do it.

When I say that we were in the garden daily esp in the summer I mean it. We didn't get to play that day until we had brought in the ready vegetables or fruit (strawberries mostly) for that day. I remember mom trying to make it fun out there. We would play games (back to her being intentional with her time with us) about numbers or "name that tune" kinds of games while we worked. Now, when work was finished we played hard. Usually running up the hill to our neighbors house and jumping in the pond to go swimming. Sometimes after things were picked we still had a couple of hours of sorting or shucking...we got to do this in the shade. I remember sitting under the huge trees in our yard shucking corn. Kansas is hot in the summer. Somehow though, I think the food we ate tasted better b/c I was a part of bringing it in.

While these are great, I mean great things to have learned as a child...I now find myself struggling as an adult. Jason and I have had many conversations about rest. He will tell me that I don't rest. He will say he observes my family not resting even now. I don't really know what to do with that. I do believe that resting is important. Heck, God rested on the 7th day! He said that that was a good thing to do. To observe all that you had worked so hard to do the days before and rest...then get back to it the next day. I am able to rest when we go away on vacation. But it takes me getting out of my house and away to rest. I don't know that that is healthy long term. I think I need to figure out a way to rest here at home. To acknowledge a day where we rest. A sabbath if you will. Now I have actually tried this before. Taking one day a week to be our sabbath day of rest. Working in ministry full time is difficult to make the traditional Sunday our sabbath...so Friday or Saturday could be it...but honestly - I stink at it.

Here's the kicker...I have 3 little ones watching us to see if we are able to just rest. To be. To breathe. To not do laundry, or house work, or yard work, or _______ one day a week and just be together. I would like to learn this. I would like to learn it so I can teach it.

I think it's funny what my maiden name means. Unruh is a German surname that: Refers to a restless, fidgety, nervous person, from German unruhe, meaning "unrest".


Hmmm. Unrest. I don't want to be this way. I desire to teach my children all the benefits of a strong work ethic like my parents did...but I want to couple that with teaching them about resting - at home - that it shouldn't take a vacation to get me to rest. I guess acknowledging it is the first step huh? I best get working on resting...that didn't come out quite right!

*pic is of the property where I grew up and got married. I miss it.

This parenting thing is HARD!

First before I delve into today's deal is this. If you are new to the blog and wanted to know why I am writing check out the first post titled "New Words". If you want to know why I titled it "A Penny for Your Thoughts" go to the post titled "Intentional Time".

Okay...so this morning was one of the hardest 30 minutes in parenting we've had in awhile. I feel like Caroline's 4th year has been the most difficult. Soon after we welcomed Hope here in April it began a summer of tantrums. We hadn't had any of those in the previous years w/ her. I felt like we had jumped over them...we had other push back from her, but not the kicking, screaming can not communicate her out of it kind of moment. So we weathered this summer storm. We told her this kind of behavior wasn't acceptable and that if she chose to behave that way various things could be the consequence. Privileges. Spanks. Time in room.

Then all of a sudden we were kind of finished with it. We went almost 2 months with out any tantrums. I don't know what clicked it in her head...but something did.

Then this morning happened. You know I have a child much like me who likes to determine how things are going to happen. I think we are doing the same old routine as always. It's time to get ready for ballet and all of a sudden her world began to fall apart b/c I asked her to go try to potty (it always comes back to this ha) b/c once she is all in her tights and leotard and skirt it is much more difficult to get on the potty fast. I'm on her team - right? No! She was literally having none of it. It began to send her into screams (what I feel are out of nowhere) of "NO" as she is walking to the potty. I tell her that that isn't an acceptable way to talk to mom. If she doesn't calm down then she will loose TV privileges. It continues. Privilege lost - more melting (over the last several weeks the thought of loosing a privilege stops her) - more screaming. I again remind her that this isn't acceptable (mind you Wyatt is walking by covering his ears w/ his hands) she needs to get control of her emotions - she doesn't stop the screaming so now she looses computer time while Wyatt goes down for nap - more melting...

This continues. There literally seems to be nothing to stop her. All of this happening while she is also yelling that she doesn't want to go to ballet, that she doesn't like it anymore (which I know isn't true)...I think spanks happen in there somewhere. Jason steps in and does the whole "You may not talk to my wife this way." She begins to calm down. He tells her she has a choice to either go to mommy and get dressed or we will hold her down and dress her for ballet and we are going. We have committed to ballet, we have paid for it...we are going (this is when as a parent you don't know if you are making the right decision but we decided so we are going for it). I am sure if we could have seen it happening I don't know if we would've laughed or cried about it...but Jason held her while she was kicking and I was putting tights, leotard on. He carried her to the car and strapped her down in her seat. She began to calm a bit...she and I then began a conversation.

I asked her why she didn't like ballet anymore. She said she really did like her friends there ... I got her distracted w/ all different kinds of questions. She calmed. Occasionally she would well up with tears again...but she would calm down. So we got there a few min early and I just climbed in the back and had another conversation with her. I told her I loved her no matter what as I wiped tears away. I asked her why all this started and she said that she just didn't need to go to the potty (OMG really!!! All of this is because I asked her to go potty). So I told her that next time I would try to do a better job of trusting her instincts about needing or not needing to go potty. But that she needed to speak to me respectfully when she tells me that she doesn't need to go. I apologized for the miscommunication. I put her hair in a ponytail and then tear streaked splotchy skin Caroline climbed in my arms and I carried her into ballet.

Woah! Many of you reading may say we should have backed down. Not make her go to ballet. Maybe I should've listened about the potty (and indeed I could've done that better...however she screamed no at me and that isn't acceptable). But here is the take away for me from this morning. ALL kids loose it. It is my job to help her realize and learn many things like how even when you don't want to you have to honor your commitments. How even when you are asked to do something you don't want to you still have to treat others, esp those in authority over you, with respect. I hope also that she learned today that no matter what her behavior is I will love her. I will hold her tight. I will work through the ugly with her.

So reader. Work through the ugly with your kids. My mom always says that you can be a pretty good parent with out a lot of time on your part. However, if you want to be an excellent parent that takes time. I think the Lord takes great time with me. I am thankful. That when, in my adult way, I am kicking and screaming about something I don't want to do...he reminds me that I am loved and that He will work through the ugly with me.

*sweet pic of Caroline from a different Saturday heading out to ballet.

Talking - Sign Language

Here's another what my husband might call a "Hodges Helpful Hint" or a "Triple H". Remember this is just something that worked for us and has been great.

So I read a book called "Baby Signs" with Caroline and it has been so very helpful now w/ all 3. I used to watch friends of mine sign with their babies before I had kids and I was skeptical if it would really work...but I had read that if a baby can learn to wave "bye bye" then they can learn to sign. Also...now here's the brain scratcher...they can start to understand you at 6 months old but don't have the skill yet to verbally answer back. That's why as Hope is sitting in her high chair eating and she begins to blow raspberries w/ her mouth and food is going everywhere and it takes all kinds of self-control on my part to not fall apart in laughter - I can say "No ma'am" - and she gets it. She actually stops. That's why when she is crawling toward an outlet or the fireplace more often than not I can tell her "No ma'am" and she will stop. It truly is amazing how our brains have been created.

One thought I have had all through parenting is that it is my job to yes expect things from my children - however, I need to give them the tools to be able to meet those expectations. So if I don't want a little one to be throwing food - then I have to teach them not to. If I want a little one who doesn't bang on the table with their hands - then I have to teach them how to tap their fingers so they still get the same basic sensory motion out of their systems. If I don't want a little one who screams at meal time, or in the tub, or....insert situation when they want something...then I need to teach them a way to communicate with me what they need.

This has been huge! I am already working w/ Hope on "all done", "more", "please", and "thank you". As she gets older and finds herself needing help...(this is huge when you are in that season where they are walking behind something and don't know how to turn it. Or then can't get things out of where they need it b/c they are stuck) I would teach the sign for "help" that way they could walk right up to me and get my attention and sign for help and take me to where they needed help. I had to give them a voice.

As I figured out what they were interested in as they would get a bit bigger I would learn that sign and teach it to them...so "ball" or "butterfly" etc it has been a huge help. Their frustration and mine lessened as I tried to give them a voice and they embraced it full on.

The studies written about in this book "Baby Signs" also say that the verbal skills of those that use baby sign language is dramatically increased. That's a good thing right?

So...be encouraged. You're little ones want to tell you what they need they just don't know how. So, give them a voice. Also, be encouraged that like me, I might start doing the signs now (she is 9 months old) but I may not see her able to do the signs until closer to 1 year...but go ahead and start they are sponges. Have fun learning to talk with you little one. Hopefully it will set the stage for your interest in things they have to say their whole life.

*pics are of Wyatt and Daddy bowling over Christmas and Hope showing off her new trick of pulling up!

What I wasn't expecting

I thought another little bit of my story might be good.

It is the fall of 1999 and I have just left working for Kanakuk full time (this is a Christian sports camp in Branson, MO that I LOVE) and found myself back in Kansas working at the engineering firm my dad worked for in the marketing department. YIKES! This isn't a story about working there...but here's a little side bar...if you know me this next comment should make you laugh. My experience there was usually filled with looks and comments that they all just thought I was loud. Ha! I guess singing and dancing in between the cubicles isn't quite professional corporate behavior.

So I got sick with a high fever for a couple of days. Didn't think anything of it beyond I just got sick. Over the next couple of months I began to loose weight...I mean it was just falling off of me. I could eat anything. I wasn't exercising, and the weight just came off. I wasn't trying to loose weight either. My moods were even more extreme than usual (ha) and the thirst began to drive me batty.

In February I found myself trying all different kinds of drinks to quench my thirst. Nothing would work. One night I drank water. Didn't work, so I went to my fav (limeade concentrate and club soda). Didn't work, so went for the pop. Didn't work...went to milk. I mean I was thirsty like just played in a soccer game - cotton mouth kind of thirst ALL THE TIME!

My mom said, I wonder if you have diabetes. What?! There isn't any family history of that, but we asked our dear friends/neighbors who he was a doctor and she a nurse what they thought. He had me swing by his office the next morning to check my blood sugar. It was around 470. Not good! Normal is usually 80-140ish. He played it so calm and just said you know I think those test strips are out of date. Why don't come by tonight and we'll check it then. So I came after work...it was 476. I had diabetes. My parents were there. I started to cry. I think mom did too. Doug asked if I wanted to go talk about it. So we went in the basement and my mind was flooded with all of these questions. Will this kill me? (Not if you take care of yourself.) Will I go blind? (Not if you take care of yourself.) Will I loose a limb? (Not if you take care of yourself). And then my big question. Because all I know at this point about this disease is the movie "Steel Magnolias". Things don't end well for Shelby. So I asked - Will I be able to have babies and live? (Absolutely. If you take care of yourself.)

The next few weeks were all a blur. Lots of doctors. I didn't want to say I was Type 1 (insulin dependent) until we were sure. I just fit ALL of the criteria. It was amazing once I got on insulin how much better I felt. You know when you start to feel better you then realize how bad you really felt before. I began to get my levels down. Things began to normalize. I had to start wearing a medical bracelet. Weird. I adjusted my diet. I began to think that I was somehow tainted. Somehow less of a person. I was single at the time and thought that there wasn't going to be a boy that would want me and all the medical bills I would bring with myself (sad to think that way - but honest). I wondered if people could tell by looking at me that I had a disease.

It's now been 11 almost 12 years...wow! I moved to Atlanta to only by accident get one of the best nationally known endocrinologists in the country. I have had 3 babies. I am in excellent health. Sometimes I wonder why I have this. I know I could have much worse. I could have something that is painful - this isn't except for the poking...this wasn't what I was expecting Lord...but you know what - He was expecting this for me. He knew all along that this was going to be apart of my story. He wasn't surprised.

I pray that as I interact with all of the doctors that I do...that they will see joy despite my circumstance. That I am not defined by this disease. Sometimes those things we were never expecting can shape us. My choice in attitude determines if it shapes me for the better or worse. Prayerfully it is for the better.

The Education

I am warning you reader that this post has the potential to be honest...emotional...and maybe a bit feisty. The thoughts might be jumbled as they are pouring out of my gut today....

Our Caroline will be in Kindergarten next fall. How has that happened? She seems so young...yet each day she surprises me with her independence..."Look Mommy I made my whole bed all by myself." "Look Mommy my room is not a disaster. I picked it all up by myself." "Can I vacuum my room and Hopey's?" What?!

I find myself in territory I didn't know I was going to be in. You might say, how is that possible...you knew she would be in school eventually didn't you? Well...yes...but I have ALWAYS assumed I would home school our children. I thought that was why I felt all those years ago at TCU that I was supposed to practically be a double major and get my teaching certificate alongside my theater degree. I never thought I would actually teach professionally, but that I would teach at home. I have been surrounded by people over the last decade who have really turned to home schooling or a university model (kids go 2 days to a school where they get instruction and they are home the other 3 for the parent to partner w/ the teacher and further instruct on those things but at home) education for their children. I have watched my mentor growing up home school her 5...my sis-in-law home school their 4...I have been vocal about home schooling here and doing the pre-k stuff here at our home and absolutely loving it.

Jason and I have had some heated conversations...where mostly I get defensive (such a beautiful quality) and think he is saying something about my ability to educate. He isn't. I want to protect. I want to "be a good steward" of these children and I think I have thought that that can only happen if I keep them at home.

I grew up in public school. Jason grew up in private Christian schools. I think I have always thought that because I could...I should home school. I am finding that the Lord might be asking something different for the Hodges family.

I think I have wanted to say that I want to do home school b/c of the morality stuff they will face in public school. I have been reminded that our children will face that stuff any where they go. That honestly, it is all in the teacher they get as to the experience they will have. If Jason and I are teaching biblical truth at home...that is what matters.

Also, I have always known every part of her day. Now begins the process of her selective sharing you know. None of us shared everything with our parents. But this is part of me working myself out of a job isn't it? Laying the foundation and then walking through the "world" with them. Coaching and teaching all along the way.

I called my parents and asked if they would be disappointed in us if we didn't home school. I love my parents. The first conversation was with my dad and he said absolutely not. He reminded me that it just means we will have to be really proactive in their experience...(wasn't that going to be the case if we home school? being really proactive). My dad reminded me that when I was in school if there were things that my parents didn't want me learning (ie: evolution) then I would be dismissed from class to go to the library to do an alternate assignment (this was in elementary school). They had gone into the administration saying some thing like this "According to the the Kansas State Law blah blah blah you have to provide an alternate assignment." Well...there you go. I had forgotten that I left class a bunch. Be a room mom...get to know the teacher...Allison you and Jason make sure that you are teaching the biblical truth at home you want them to know then walk along side them as they experience it in the world.

Now, here's the deal...I get all of that but I just thought we wouldn't do that until like middle school or high school. I feel like everyone I speak with on either side is very opinionated as to their way is the right way. I have to admit that prior to a few weeks ago...I was a bit judgmental of those who sent their kids to public school...(sorry friends - just being honest here)...I think I didn't understand why. But that's the deal. This decision is truly different for each family.

I am not looking for comments from those of you reading to let me know how passionate you too are about either side. I WANT to keep them home. But I am feeling the Lord tug on my heart to perhaps do something I never thought I would.

So here's where I am at today...the decision hasn't been made...we are touring schools over the next month. Praying. Researching. But here's my heart. I told Jason that what ever we decide will be a team decision. I don't want one of us thinking they have given in to the other. That is our biggest prayer request right now is for like minded spirits on this. My first choice is to do a home school/university model school thing. This costs money. As we were driving and discussing last night I told him that we don't live beyond our means in any area of our lives right now. We don't buy clothes we can't afford. We don't vacation in a way we can't afford (free). We don't live in a home or drive cars we can't afford. I don't want our schools for our kids to be beyond our means either and if we can't do this for all 3 then we can't do it.

This morning after working out I thought of Wyatt's verse. Amazing how something we chose for him...to shape him...just might be shaping me..."Oh that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory.." Seriously Lord. Ok. Our sphere of influence with people who aren't Christians is very small...like void. We always talk about needing to invite someone to church...but who? Everyone we know already goes. Are we reaching out? Is this a way the Lord wants to get us to reach out? Yikes that terrifies me too.

Sigh. I don't know our answer yet. I will share when we do know. I think that regardless of the decision the Lord is doing something in my heart. Perhaps the PROCESS to this decision is what the Lord really cares about and not so much the ANSWER to the decision. Jesus help.

*pics from the day Caroline was born, and this fall before ballet class.

Team Hodges

I am opinionated. I am scheduled. I like my things just so. I can tell when things have been moved around in my home...didn't like it growing up if mom moved things in my room...don't like it now. I take things personally. I get defensive. I am emotional. I am thorough. I am a hot mess sometimes...well...a good portion of the time. All of that beautiful stuff said...somehow a lot of those emotions that come out of me get diffused by the most amazing blessing in my life. My man - Jason.

I can't tell you when it started...but I have heard other people even say it to me like they have heard us say it enough that they know it's kind of our mantra..."TEAM HODGES". We truly function as a team around here. It's far from perfect...but it's in those moments of imperfection where one of us can just look at the other and say "Hey I'm on your team." Immediately my defenses go down...my flag that I just threw down gets picked back up and put away. In that easy phrase Jason and I remind each other that we have the others best interests at heart. It doesn't always work mind you...but it is that verbal cue that we are in this together.

It can be something so lame about dinner...did he like it...he might say something so honest and not awful at all like maybe next time you could __________. Well, my defenses go up and he just looks at me and says I'm on your team. Or...I begin to ask clarifying questions about our finances...he gets defensive b/c that is his area...I just remind him that I am on his team...and somehow we can proceed.

I also say this a thousand times a day to my kids. Before we go into Target (or insert wherever the errand has taken us) I remind them what our purpose is and that we are going to work as a team to get our task accomplished.

Some might balk at this but most of our cleaning up time is done together as a team. There will come a time when the mess they make they will be solely responsible for...but right now...we do it together (myself included) as a team.

I guess I have noticed that there seems to be such a push to "get your kids out of the house" - "aren't you sick of them" - "you do pre-school at home" - "I can't wait for the kids to get back to school" speak...that it saddens me. OR "My husband won't do anything around the house." - "My husband is never home." "My husband has no clue about the kids." Well...I feel a great sense to protect my team. To guard well their hearts...to not just function as an individual...but rather to recognize this unique living environment that I have...Jason and I have to function as a team...our kids have to function as a team or honestly I will begin to speak the same way...loving when my husband isn't at home and my kids are away with other people.

For us...this is what works...Team Hodges!

*pics are: 1st anniversary, Awesome trip to Boston we are at Fenway Park, and our trip to Alaska before Caroline was born.

Breathing

Before I was married...in what felt like those long single years...I had lots of time. Sometimes I hated how much time I had to myself. I longed for it to be taken up with children, and home responsibilities, and schedules. One thing that I was so very thankful for all the time for was my time alone with the Lord. It was a precious season those post-college/pre-marriage years. I am realizing it was 7 years of long moments with Him.

I woke up early enough to spend on average about an hour studying, then exercise, then getting ready. I think I woke up almost 3 hours before I had to leave for work. Gosh if I woke up 3 hours before "work" began now that would be 4am...yikes. Anyway, that study time allowed for me to do those intense studies. They were emotional, they were thought provoking, they made me scratch my head and have to reread paragraphs (especially when I was reading John Piper)...I had the time and luxury to do so. Those were precious stolen moments of study and journaling and prayer. I am forever grateful. I think those 7 years were a time of preparation for what lay ahead. It was a training ground.

Once I got married it immediately changed. I don't know why exactly but it did. And now with 3 little ones, those early morning moments still happen but not by the hour any more...sometimes just by the breath before I walk into their rooms in the morning to get them up. I hope for more time in the am...but sometimes that doesn't happen. It has been a mental don't judge yourself conversation that I have had with myself over the last almost 5 years since we had our first child...it's okay that the depth and breadth of time are not the same...I am thankful the Lord knows my heart, and knows me and I Him.

One helpful thing that my mom told me about that she used to do as a young mom was using the different areas around the house as prayer subjects...her prayer life really took off as a young mom (don't I know it!) no - for real...for instance...while ironing my dad's shirts she would use that time to pray for my dad - his business dealings -safety etc. When she was doing dishes that is when she would pray for______(maybe that missionary they were supporting), when she folded laundry she would pray for ______(maybe each person as she was folding their clothes her prayers would fall for that person specifically). This has been really helpful. I know my mother in law as assigned certain days to certain subjects...like Monday: prays for all children and their spouses and children, Tuesday: prays for political authorities (President, Congress, ...on down to local gov't), Wednesday: prays for teachers/coaches of her children (back when they were little) etc etc etc. These are just suggestions. All of this to say, that two women that I really respect (my mom and mother in law) b/c of their walks with the Lord found that that relationship with the Lord looked different as a young mom than it did at other times in their lives. I am so very thankful to know that. It has helped me not beat myself up.

Currently I am reading a little daily devotional called "Jesus Calling". It is AWESOME! Then I try to journal some thoughts about what I am struggling with or hoping for. I love the mornings when Caroline comes down at literally 7:01 am (they aren't allowed out of their rooms before 7am) and finds me finishing my journal and she climbs up in my lap and listens to me pray for my day. I love her hearing that.

So moms...be encouraged to know that our Lord loves us right where we are at. He longs for time with us. He knows that sometimes that is just a breath before we begin our day with our little ones. However, when I remember that that breath continues all day long... I am reminded that He too is with me all day long. I can converse with him as I go about my day. Sometimes the prayer is just "Jesus Help!" And he does. So take a breath. Ask Him to help. And know that if I do my job well I will actually work myself out of a job someday and have lots of time to spend in deep study. But until that day I think I will breathe.

*the pictures are from Hope's baby dedication back in November

Impress it

When I was turning 18 my parents gave me a beautiful cross necklace w/ the scripture reference Proverbs 3:3-6 on it. I asked my parents why they put that verse on the cross and they both said that that was the life verse that they had chosen for me. That they prayed for me. Honestly, I had never heard that from them before. That's neither good nor bad...but there was a part of me that wished I would've known that they had chosen those verses for me.

I remember in the years that followed when I would find myself day dreaming about having children someday that I wanted to choose life verses for them as well...but I wanted to make sure that they knew those verses and as they grew why we chose them for them.

So with Caroline we chose "Teach me your way and I will walk in your truth. Give me an undivided heart and I will fear your name. Psalm 86:11" This verse had been important to me in college and I just felt that if we could do this...if Jason and I could remain focused on the challenge, the mission the Lord had laid before us...if we could teach her His way...then she would walk in His truth. Know that writing this I am fully aware that her decision to follow or not follow the Lord will in fact be her decision. The 2nd part praying that her heart would be protected from being divided between boys, the Lord, her passions in the life...but that she would be focused on the Lord and the rest would fall into place.

Wyatt is the prayer of Jabez. "Oh that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory. That your hand would be with me, that you would keep me from evil that I may not cause pain. 1 Chronicles 4:10" We wanted a blessing upon him from a boy to a man...it seems that boys go further away from home. That he would be willing to spread out - to go where the Lord might call him to go. Praying also that the Lord would help point his eyes away from all that could entangle him and that as he pursues girls that he would do his best to not hurt them or cause them pain. So for Jason and I to teach him about how to protect a girls heart.

Hope's is "What ever you do work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord and not for men. Colossians 3:23" This one came at a special time in Jason's life. He had felt this verse impressed on his own life around the time that we found out we were pregnant with Hope. So when it came time to choose a verse he really wanted this one for her. What a wonderful reminder to her to hold her hands open as she works...whether it is at Starbucks, the lead in a show, in a cubicle, a mom...whatever it is...to work with her WHOLE heart to please the Lord and not the people around her.

Oh, that that would be my aim in life. To please the Lord and not the people around me. I think sometimes that the kids verses are more of a ministry to my heart. Each night since they have come home from the hospital we have prayed their verses over them. It is really fun to hear them as they begin to learn to speak that they start helping to say their verses each night. I love that these words will be impressed on their hearts. We pray that if they don't remember anything else that they will call to mind these verses as they are older and it will help to direct them in decisions they make and paths they take. I want to make sure that I share with my kids as they get older those things that are tucked away in my heart that I hope for them...these verses are just a few.

I am challenged today to make sure that scripture is still finding its way to penetrate my heart as an adult. In order for that to happen I need to find a way to make sure that it is read, and thought about. To not rush that process. I don't want it rushed w/ my kids...so I need to make sure it's not rushed with me either. Lord, penetrate my heart still...thanks for always meeting me in the season of life that I find myself in! I love you Lord!

*the pics posted are of the kids verses. Thank you to Abby Jartos and Jennifer Tanksley for being the amazing artists.

Baby Food

I always seem to get weird looks when people see the baby food that I feed my kids. Doesn't seem weird to me...but that's only b/c this is all I know. The idea came from that 3rd book I mentioned in the "Babies, Babies, Babies" post. The book is titled "Dr. Denmark Said It!" by Madia L. Bowman. Again take what you want from parenting books etc...I didn't like her infant schedule recommendations however, I did LOVE the nutrition stuff and thought it made sense. So here is the basic idea.

She says that you can begin pureed baby food w/ your infant at 12 weeks of age b/c that is when salivary glands begin to function. Made sense to me. I did actually start that early with Caroline b/c she was so darn little. I waited until 4 months w/ Wyatt and Hope. Whenever you start introduce the rice cereal first. Then begin adding the pureed foods to that as you introduce them. You can do store bought or home made. She says to begin w/ bananas @ 1/4 tsp for 3 days to introduce it and make sure there isn't any allergy. Then add to the banana and rice cereal, apples, or pears, or whatever fruit you're wanting to introduce next. After some fruits are introduced begin putting veggies into it. This was brilliant to me...babies are used to the sweet breast milk so by sweetening the veggies w/ the banana and apples (or peaches, pears, prunes) they are more likely to take it. Continue introducing veggies 1/4 tsp at a time. Then she says to introduce the protein. I wait until they are about 8 months to introduce the proteins only b/c for my babies it seemed to constipate them for some reason. Now with the protein I usually only do black eyed peas because they are supposedly the best protein food available! Cool.

Below are her recommendations on portion size and ratios etc. I work up to this amount and do not expect them to eat this much when just starting out...but this is where they have all seemed to get to rather quickly.

Breakfast
1 banana
2 T fruit
3 T protein
3 T starch

Lunch and Dinner are the same
1 banana
2 T fruit
3 T protein
3 T starch
3 T veggie

I do make our baby food mostly b/c it was the most cost effective on a one income family, and I knew exactly what was in it b/c I made it. The best part is I make it about one time every 2 months (the bananas I have to make the most often). I puree the food and then put it into ice cube trays and freeze. I have all my little zip lock sacks lined up in my freezer and just reach in there and pull out what I need for each meal. The great thing that I measured it out and each ice cube is about 2 T of food. I then measured what one banana would be and it is about 4 T pureed. So I pull out 2 cubes of banana, 1 cube of fruit, 1.5 cubs of veggies, 1.5 cube of black eyed peas, warm that up and add my 3 T of rice cereal and we're good to go! So stinkin' easy.

So this is just my take on baby food. It's what seemed easiest to me. Take it or leave it. I highly recommend putting all your food together into the goop. My babies haven't ever rejected a vegetable when served this way. They eat all of this food and could maybe go for more. Go for it! Have people stare at you when you feed your baby this not so appealing to look at baby food...but it does taste good (I've tried it!). Have fun feeding your baby!

The Perversion of Excellence

This is a blog I wrote almost 4 years ago about how I struggle w/ perfectionism. I thought it a good thing to revisit here. Sadly, I still struggle with it...perhaps that is why the Lord says he will "carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." I get to work on this stuff my whole life...but isn't it so good to know that He has the patience to teach me over and over about this stuff. Oh that I had the same patience w/ my children as they need to learn things over and over. I have edited the post a bit to fit for today.

So a pretty heavy title for this blog site...but I needed a place to share what the Lord has taught me this week and I think, or wonder perhaps if it might speak to some other mom's out there too..so here goes.

This week I came face to face with an "old friend" perfectionism again. I really struggle with this, and often become quite defensive when my life doesn't seem perfect. Those closest to me I am sure notice. I have known for awhile that my defensive nature and struggle w/ perfectionism would be dealt w/ from the Lord. So, this week it hit me. Perfectionism is the perversion of excellence. My mom and I have talked several times that any good and perfect thing from the Father, Satan has a perversion to counter it. And I believe the drive to be perfect is the perversion of what the Father would ask of me to be excellent.

The more I thought about this the more I realized that while working in KidStuf I told the team on Sunday's that I wanted an excellent show, not a perfect one. I wanted a show that glorified the Lord and if it wasn't "perfect" I was okay, b/c I knew it was excellent. However, as I thought the other day, I do not apply that same principle at home. If dinner wasn't as flavorful as it could be then I would beat myself up, if Caroline struggled during the day I would beat myself up, if I hadn't vacuumed yet this week, again...I would beat myself up b/c it wasn't "perfect"....oh how I have believed the lie.

I opened my eyes the other morning and saw a clean home, a child who is joyful and on a good schedule, a great marriage, laundry done, and a home cooked meal on the stove...I have an excellent home. No longer will I believe the perversion....
The main thing here is that Christ is the only perfect thing, so to try to strive for that will only leave me in a chronic state of worthlessness...

I have an excellent marriage, child, home...

Thank you Lord for the freedom in this lesson....

Boundaries - Independent Playtime

I mentioned that from time to time I might post about how I go about doing stuff...like the post a few days ago...babies, babies, babies - all about schedules and sleep training and the 3 resources that I have used a ton w/ our babies. I hope this info is just that information...again remember this is just how we do it - not the only way.

So yesterday I started Independent Playtime w/ Hope. Honestly it has gone great the last two days. Basically this is a plan to help teach her how to play by herself. I did it w/ Caroline and Wyatt and I am so very thankful b/c even though they love playing with one another they really are great at playing by themselves also. I am so very thankful that my girl friend taught me about this before Caroline was born.

Basically, I have the pack-n-play set up in a room that is still on the same level as the rest of us, but where she can't easily see me working in the kitchen. I have several age appropriate toys in there that will rotate w/ other toys maybe once a week. In the morning when she is alert like after breakfast and her clothes have been changed for the day I place her in there, tell her to have fun playing and walk away. I then set the timer for 15 min and don't go in there at all. The first day she cried the last 3 min but she wasn't hysterical or hurt or anything like that, and today there was maybe a moment of fussing towards the end. I will gradually increase the time - perhaps up to 30 min for her to learn about some structured alone play time. I am hopeful that I can use this time even into next fall as we are thinking about home schooling and that would give me at least 30 min w/ Hope occupied. I am only 2 days in but it seems like Hope is adjusting to this easier than the other two. With Caroline I waited until she was about 10 months old to start and it was very difficult for her. She cried a good portion of the time in there and I only did it for about 10 min. I think that is directly related to waiting so late to begin to teach her this life skill. Wouldn't you agree that this really is a life skill?

This concept is talked about in "Growing Kids God's Way" in the Preparation for Toddler Years book. These are the basic why's behind doing it and doing it in a playpen.

1. It provides a safe environment
2. It offers a structured learning center
a. mental focusing skills
b. sustained attention span
c. creativity
d. self-play adeptness
e. orderliness

It is also important that this be roughly at the same time each day. This is a great quote from the book, that is honestly a wonderful reminder about my other two as well.

"As a word of encouragement, children of all ages have a love/hate relationship with boundaries. They hate boundaries simply because they are there, yet love them because of the security they provide. That is true with the playpen. If your child does not appear to like it at first, stay with it, and he will end up loving the playpen later on."

I don't necessarily like boundaries sometimes either...or maybe I don't like setting them up and explaining them - but once they are there I feel safe and more independent. Isn't that interesting...that with boundaries a sense of independence follows. A good reminder Allison...(talking to myself now)...boundaries are good, perhaps hard to establish, but worth the freedom it provides.

Be encouraged reader...whoever you are...you too can establish healthy boundaries for your kids and yourself. Remember you are doing a good work and you can not come down from it!

Tone of Voice - I'm Horrible at This!

I think since forever I have struggled with my tone of voice. I can still hear my mom saying to me, "It's not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it." Ugggh I feel like I am battling this as of late. I am thankful that the Lord doesn't seem to have us work on everything we need to work on all at once.

Sigh.

I have been saying over and over to my kids "Big girl voice please." or "Big boy voice please." As most drama and he said/she said, he did this/she did this begins with the most horrible whine. Or, the firmness in their voices to one another. I think its the tone that gets me more that what they are actually saying. So it is like my mom said...it's not what they are saying but how they are saying it to one another and to me. I feel lately like I have been asking them to slow down and try their words again. Getting them to realize that they have a "voice" they can have opinions it is how they expressed that will determine how they are received by the other person.
Oh if I could just remember this myself. The tone they use must have been learned somewhere.

Sigh.

So my prayer this morning was please Lord silent my tongue before I say something in a manner that will affect them. Silent my tongue before I hurt them, or make them feel they must always hurry, or get with it.
I find that my tone struggles the most at the end of the day. Bath, books, and bed time are just flat out tiring even with a good system. I want to love that time of day. I often don't. So, Lord again I ask will you please give me an extra dose of patience, seeing the moment for what it is kind of perspective. There will come a time when they don't need me to bathe them, or even want me to necessarily tuck them in anymore.

Sigh.

Today...as Jason might say (as all things now days have these silly little hash tags...no I have not gone over to the twit side of life. I did type that as I meant it...twit) #fail.

Yet...I will sigh again...pray as I head up at the end of naps at 4pm, ready to read stories, change yet another diaper, fix dinner and not just survive but thrive as Karen Stubbs would say. Help me thrive Lord!

*the pic is moments after Wyatt's birth. Kind of how I feel! :)

Forgiving Ada

About this time last year the Lord began a work in my heart concerning my grandmother. I had an interesting relationship with her. I never really felt like I measured up to her standards of what she would want for my life. I felt her disapproval when I quit teaching to work in ministry. I felt her disapproval when I quit working all together to stay at home. I never called or wrote enough. I remember when I called to tell her we were pregnant with Hope, our 3rd, and she said "why would you do that, you already have a boy and a girl." Wow...any way...I want to share what the Lord did in my heart concerning my relationship with her and how very grateful I am. I am just going to copy what I wrote in my journal. It is a reminder to me that the Lord is never finished shaping our hearts and out of the blue he could be whispering things to us...I just need to be still enough sometimes so I don't miss what He is up to. I hope this is encouraging to someone out there who might need to forgive.

January 3, 2011
...On that note-it is interesting the last couple of days I feel like there's been this whisper to "forgive Ada". I honestly didn't know that there was forgiving that needed to happen. I just thought I'd become indifferent towards her- not pursuing or pushing away-just doing nothing. I guess however when I get talking about her there is true hurt there. Her manipulation of my words or actions needs to be forgiven every time. I don't really want to forgive her-not from an actuality standpoint, but from an effort standpoint. Maybe the desire to pursue her will follow the forgiving. I love her out of duty not genuine feeling. Show me Lord where/how to do this. I don't think I need to call her-and tell her I forgive her-but need in the quietness with you Lord to do so.

January 4, 2011
Forgiveness is good. I woke up again knowing I just needed to forgive grandma. Instead I began with reading my book-under the guise of "when I have more time..I need to look up some verses on forgiveness and how to do it...or watch a message on forgiveness" - all when I have more time...
Bull
I put the book down and I stopped trying to make it...

-Caroline crying I'll finish later

January 5, 2011
...so hard. I know how to forgive, had done it lots in my life. So Allison-just do it and I did. Not very emotional, didn't take but a few minutes. I listed out all the ways she'd hurt me or others and forgave her-it was GREAT! One of my prayers that kept surfacing while doing that was that I would truly be finished with this. For protection mentally to not let the sin of harboring unforgiveness creep up.

January 11, 2011
Grandma is very ill. Mom called yesterday to say they were taking her to the hospital.She won't likely live but a couple days. Daddy, said this is all just so different from PePaw because she is mentally so very sharp. We all believe she is ready. She told Ruthy (my aunt - her daughter) yesterday afternoon that she wished she could just take a bunch of pills and go be with the Lord and see PePaw again. Ease her pain. Father, I am so thankful for last week and what you did in my heart towards her. Thanks for telling me. I am thankful I know you and your voice-your gentle prodding. My conversation with her was good last night. Simple- "pray for me, I hear you have lots of snow, the children liked it-the game that was on TV that night- and Allison, I love you very very much."

January 12, 2011
Ada Katherine Ruth Unruh passed away last night a little before 11pm CST. I can't imagine what the reunion with PePaw, her parents, brother, friends, Darin (her grandson) was like. Seeing you Jesus for the 1st time.
I found out this am when I came downstairs. I have cried much more about this the last couple of days than I expected. I am so thankful you asked me to forgive her. I think a lot of my grief is over that generation being gone, while she was alive it was still a little bit of PePaw here, the reality that my parents will be the next generation to go, sadness to not be there with my family at a time like this. I am thankful she doesn't hurt anymore. She is restored!

*the picture is of Ada holding Wyatt for the first time at my parents home in Kansas.

Saying Hard Things to our Kids

So I have been stewing over these thoughts for a couple of weeks...well actually since Christmas Eve service. Andy Stanley our senior pastor was talking about several different things, but one thing that has stuck out was this statement he made that sometimes he finds himself hesitating to say that hard thing to his children b/c he doesn't want to hurt the relationship. His kids are older now (one in college and two in high school), and where speaking to them when they were little was easier he now finds himself hesitating b/c they are older and the relationship is well different from when they were little.
I loved that he said this. The word hesitate is where I have been sitting. We hesitate. We ponder, do I really say this. Do I share w/ my friend, my spouse, my children something that I see that I think they are unaware? We hesitate. As Andy was speaking on Christmas Eve it immediately made me think about a letter that my mom wrote to me when I was a sophomore in college. A letter I am sure she prayed hard about, and perhaps hesitated writing. I am so very thankful she wrote it. It forever changed me...for the good. I was mad when I got it. I read it. I re-read it...I was mad. And then I sat in it for awhile...and allowed the Lord to do with it what he intended with those words from the time mom wrote it. He had something to say to me...he just chose to use mom to say it. I have kept the letter since then in my bible...I candidly share it now. I pray that the words here will be an encouragement to you if you are hesitating...don't...(I am changing some of the names b/c those aren't important. Mom wrote this to me about one month after a hard break up)...

3/25/95

My dear Allison,
So many thoughts flood my mind and heart for you. I wonder why the Lord has allowed so many perplexing obstacles in our life now...all at the same time...He hasn't given me a direct answer, but I do believe He has asked me to write you a bout behavior patterns when dealing with adversity. It is exciting to see His great care in molding His children. Though it isn't much fun to have Him use His pruning sheers on us, the beautiful fruit that results in season surely makes the whole process worth it.
I believe the Lord wants to instruct you about love...falling too fast, having every thought absorbed with, talking to your friends and his friends too much about "him", and generally, moving too fast! What a hard thing for you to analyze! You have so much love to give...the incessant talking seems so innocent..I understand all that, Allison, but I believe the Lord would have you handle things differently.
The easy thing to do right now is to defend your actions-boy! do I understand that! However, I honestly believe that it is time for you to not defend your actions, but rather to squarely look at your past behavior patterns with guys who capture your heart.
Perhaps grabbing paper and pen would be good. As you pray through the process, I suspect he Lord will be very specific...Remember he only prunes the suckers-the branches that take nutrients from the majority of good branches and render them less able to produce fruit. I think, dear Allison, some suckers have sprung up amidst all the good branches...let Him prune them.
Ask the Lord questions-hard questions about the process of falling in love. Ask Him about the things that are tucked in your heart that are hard to express. Ask Him if you frightened "Joe"..."Alex"...ask Him about talking to friends-I believe so much that this "talking" is pivotal in what He wants to teach you. I believe you are on the road to such happiness...but, you have to "let it happen."
Please make a conscious decision to quit talking about "Alex"-quit analyzing-quit fixing your sights on him. It will be good for your friends and very good for you! I love you very much, and am anxious to see your new fruit in bloom. Blessings-mom

Oh Lord let me speak to my children with this kind of courage when it is necessary. Thank you mom for not hesitating.

Babies Babies Babies

In the last 5 days I have been in the car 28 hours...it is good to be home! Thankful for time with my family back in Kansas and thankful for a couple of days away just Jason and me...alas I am home and excited to be writing again.

While I was out on the road I got a text from a friend asking me some specific questions about her little guy and getting him to stretch through the night on feedings. She thanked me...and I thought "Gosh I LOVE this stuff! I love helping people trouble shoot baby schedules, baby sleep patterns, feedings - all of it!" So I thought I might dedicate a couple of blog posts to some practical baby things that I have discovered and have worked.

Let me preface this again as I did in that very first post - New Words - this is what has worked for our family. Everyone is different. Choose what works for you all. So no pressure here saying this is the only way. Nope, this is just A way.

All of the info that is to come was thought about and prayed about. I wanted a system (b/c that's how I am wired) to help me know what to do w/ a new born. Because I am the primary care giver this is where I landed. If Jason had been the primary care giver we might have ended up with a different system. Also, I took bits and pieces from these different resources and applied them to our family. Here goes.

The 3 books I would recommend reading.
1. "Growing Kids Gods Way" by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo
2. "Twelve Hours Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old" by Suzy Giordano
3. "Dr. Denmark Says" by Madia L. Bowman

The first one was such a great biblical and "this is why" we wanted to train our kids from the day we brought them home from the hospital kind of stuff. It also gave great physiological reason to let an infant cry it out (great exercise for their lungs, only way to get rid of any kind of frustration etc) - awesome information for new parents.

The 2nd one was/is a huge blessing. While I love "Growing Kids Gods Way" I didn't feel like it offered the practical ways of getting your child to stretch between feedings during the day and through those oh so precious night time hours. This book gave a step by step (go in order people...I tried it out of order with Wyatt b/c I simply forgot and it didn't work) way to cut those feedings back. It made sense to me. I would say to Jason - "Ok babe the next two weeks are baby boot camp weeks." He would know what that meant and we were able to be a team in the middle of the night as we let our little ones figure it out. That is a blessing as our last one did it on her own with out any major "boot camp" from me at 7 weeks. That means 12 hours moms! Now it is important to keep in mind that I do not believe that our kiddos are sleeping for a solid 12 hours - some nights maybe - but what they have learned is that they are okay in their beds and they can self soothe back to sleep again. Sometimes I hear them in there in the middle of the night talking or blowing raspberries and then after awhile they fall back asleep. This is a great life skill for them to have. On a side note that phrase is often said in my mind as I think about training our kids with anything. You know, potty training is a great life skill to have. Eating with utensils is a great life skill to have. Even teaching your little one (we will be doing this with Hope soon) how to crawl up and down the stairs is a great life skill to have.

Book #3 is a unique one. Dr. Denmark is an amazing pediatrician I believe around 109 years old and happened to be my husbands pediatrician when he was a little boy. So yes, she was practicing medicine well into her 80's I think. Now this book, while I didn't like her infant schedule (didn't make sense to me - for some it does) I did love her thoughts on nutrition and home remedy medical advice. Her baby food "goop" that I feed my kids has been amazing for their diets and getting them to eat ALL foods! So thankful. Another great thing I took from her book was tummy sleeping our kids. With Caroline it took me about 3 days to do it...the other two they were tummy sleeping in the hospital. Her thoughts on it and SIDS just flat out made sense to me. In a nut shell...we are the only animal species that tries to lay its young on their back. They feel like they are falling when on their back which is why they have that startle jerk. Laying them on their tummies also helps w/ tons of reflux issues. For me it was peace of mind to know that when spit up happened they weren't on their backs and likely to choke on it. Being on their tummy means I change sheets a lot, but no choking! Thankful for this resource.

Finally, I also did this stuff to set Jason up for success. I have had to do some contract work outside of the home to earn money and I think this system enabled Jason to know what was next and how to implement it with our kids while I was away.

All of this information I hope is an encouragement to you to try to figure it out with your infant. You are doing a good work and you can not come down from it! Press on. I say this as I am "training" sweet Hope that nap time is not over yet. I still have 45 minutes!