Treasuring Things Up

You know how in the bible in Luke 2:19 it says, "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." I was overcome today trying to figure out how to make my heart do this.

I see something happen in or with my kids and it's like I am memorizing for an exam all over again...I repeat what was just said, or stare a little longer at the situation, or actually speak out loud "Don't forget this" trying to impress on my heart and mind the need to never forget this specific "thing." Then I got a bit sad...because I know I will forget.

Then my prayer turned to, "Lord let me be ever present not looking back wishing I had more time in a specific season with my children. Let me be good where I am at."

I wonder if that's what it means to treasure things up in your heart. It doesn't say mind. I wonder if treasuring in my heart means that I allow my children to impress on my heart in such a way that it transforms me...that what the Lord teaches me through them will permanently be fixed in my heart...that it will change me.

I have to come to grips that I will forget the nuances of their baby laugh...their toothless grin...their need to show me every boo boo...the first time they say my name...all the lunch conversations...all the snuggling...the flashlights under sheets...blanket tents...the glance in the back of the car and your eyes meet and you just know you love one another...oh my heart...

I have said before that from the time they are born the "letting go" process begins. It is my job to work myself out of a job. This is hard. It sometimes feels like it could very well break my heart instead of shape it...that the expansion I go through every time I have a child (not my size - ha, but my heart) just might very well cause it to explode.

Oh Lord...today...I want you to teach me about treasuring these things up in my heart. Not so much that I feel the pressure to remember all of the nuances...but that I feel the pressure to learn what you want to teach me through my children so my heart might change.

Thank you for this most awesome gift.

*pic of my three babes and me! Sigh.

Leading your Husband

I am independent, strong, don't like to be told what to do...in case you hadn't picked up on that in any previous post. I got married when I was 29. I think I had a notion of what "the spiritual leader" in the home was supposed to look like. I had this kind of story book picture of that man. Honestly, I am thankful Jason isn't what I thought I needed all along...or what was supposed to be opposite me. The Lord knew what I would need.

For awhile in our early years of marriage I would get frustrated b/c I wanted him to say let's pray, or let's read this book together...that's not him. My husband is most definitely the head of our household. I was waiting for him to initiate some of the learning and time spent together...this wasn't happening and I was growing increasingly frustrated.

Then we spent the best couple hundred bucks on our marriage we have ever spent. We hired some time w/ a counselor who specializes in the myers briggs personality tests. We took them. He analyzed them. Then he spent about 1.5 hours on the phone with us talking through our results, encouraging us, and challenging us to love and work with one another in the personalities that God has given us. We hung up the phone, looked at each other and were so thankful for how the Lord has made each of us different.

I then asked Jason...what he thought about me getting on our calendar and planning out 4 overnight get a ways for the next year and going ahead and putting it on our calendars. He said great. I had no idea he would be okay with that. I am a planner. He is not, but if it is on the calendar he is pumped about it and totally wants to do it. Then I asked if he would be okay if I went and chose a book for us to read together and said things like..."Ok tomorrow night we'll discuss chapter 2. Are you cool with that?" He totally was. I told him I would still love for him to lead the conversation ....but he just needed someone to take the initiative-choose the book-and get us going.

Ahhh Team Hodges once again at play. It takes both of our strengths to make this thing work. All it took was me asking Jason if he would be okay if I took the lead on getting us started...see I had been afraid that I would be stepping on his "head of the home/spiritual leader" shoes if I did any of that. No...what I realized was that I was setting him up in a better way TO lead our family by assisting him.

So thankful I realized this. So thankful we asked for help instead of allowing frustration to fester and lead to bitterness which can only destroy instead of build up. So reader...what are those unique things to your personalities with your spouse that if you could see them as strengths it would change your perspective of your mate? Be willing to acknowledge where you need help. Be willing to seek it out. Be willing to NEED your spouse.

*pic from our honeymoon right before we went and rode ATV's. Loved it!

Teaching for the Future

Today has seemed to be just one of those days as a parent. Hard. Not awful. Just hard. You know that you need to address an issue, yet that is going to take time and effort and you know it won't be this one time you have to talk about it.

Thursdays we meet up with two other families and do home school together for a couple of hours. I have been doing this the past two years 1-2 days a week and it has been great. Each mom teaches something different and we all help. We even have one of the gals mother-in-laws over to teach art b/c she used to teach it herself...it has been great.

I teach bible. So that means we do some kind of devotion, then work on the catechism, and then do worship time together.
The next mom then does some kind of science book and experiment.
Then we divide the little ones from the big kids. Big kids stay and do art while we moms take little ones up stairs and do a craft about one of the letters of the alphabet.
Then we all do lunch together usually and have some play time.

This is great.

But you know that moment as a mom where you are watching your child behave poorly and its all you can do to not defend them. "They aren't usually like this." But then I am looking at Wyatt not have self-control w/ his body and is keeping other kids from being able to do worship so I have to take him to the stairs to calm down...he cries so hard.
But then you have a moment when you are away from a child and the older one is being instructed by another adult and they make poor behavior choices as well. So much so that after 3 warnings she came to get me. Really?! This is going to take time. I am slightly embarrassed for me (honestly) and for her. We talk about it and she goes in to apologize and ask for forgiveness. In that moment I have all the extreme emotions of "Oh my gosh she will never be ready for school we definitely can't send her to public school...does she know how to respect authority?" ---- "She must go to public school she has to begin having some instruction away from me to learn about how to behave toward other people."

My children misbehave. Don't get me wrong...it's just I think today it confirmed again that my children are sinful. I know that...but I KNOW it in a whole different way today. I see that there are going to be times when I can't step in and stop them from sinning...I won't be able to always be there to remind them to have self-control...or to respect the authority figure that is over them. Their choices in those moments will shape them. So even as I type this I am reminded that much of parenting is for the future...not the now. I don't want a teen age son who can't exhibit self-control with the young girl he is dating and keep his hands to himself. I don't want a daughter who is a young woman that can't hold down a job because she questions the authority figure over her.

Lord- give me wisdom in the now for the future you are shaping in my children. When I am weary...give me endurance to parent and to parent well. To remember I am not meant to be their friend...or necessarily even have them like me so much right now...I am in charge. I am the parent. Help me remember that they too have a choice. It is not mine to control, but to shape toward living a life that honors you. I pray mine does today!

*pic of Wyatt and Caroline with our dog Zeke

Personalities

Last night I was at Birds on a Wire! So thankful for Karen Stubbs and her ministry to young moms!

We were talking/learning about the 4 different personality types. There is a great book called "Personality Plus" that talks about all of this in more detail, but basically...

Sanguine - inventive, imaginative, cheerful, innocent, charming, fun-loving, energized by people, impulsive, dramatic, they want affirmation, approval, affection, and acceptance

Choleric - they see a goal and go after it, move very quickly, competitive, leaders/assertive, self confident, trust worthy, they can make you question your competence as a mom, make their own rules...they want control

Melancholy - thinkers, creative, musicians, organized, quiet, high standards for themselves and others, sensitive to others, good students, sweet spirits, literal, they need sensitivity, support, space and silence

Phlegmatic - easy going, dependable, loveable, hide their emotions, pleasers, will be a leader if they are pushed, look for easy way to do things - can be lazy, like to sleep, stubborn and strong willed, always give them options, and push out of their comfort zone

So what Karen was saying is that it is so important for us to know what we are ourselves, what our spouse is, and then what our kids are. This will make parenting clearer. Also...remembering that all 4 of these are created by God. None of them are "better" than the other.

Being a choleric/sanguine myself it is hard to not think my way is the only way. No, I have little ones who very well are the other personality types and they won't respond necessarily to my choleric view points...esp if I end up w a phlegmatic.

As a child I honestly didn't think I was being disrespectful to my parents. I wasn't trying to be...I just literally thought I knew a better way to do things.

This goes back to Wyatt's potty training too (read The Humor in Potty Training post if you want a good laugh)...he is my sanguine...he needed the act of going to the potty to be a blast...to be hilarious...

I am thankful for the reminder last night that it is my job to figure my kids out. To look at their personalities as gifts from the Lord...they will need shaping, they will need guidance - but if I expect them to learn about life the way I did...that is misguided. I need to make sure I am giving space where it is needed. I am offering up that attention and affection where needed. And I am giving a little push out the door where needed...

This is also so key in looking at my relationship with Jason. He is phlegmatic/sanguine...my choleric and his phlegmatic sides will conflict but when I remember he too is created in the image of God this helps to diffuse my need for control...my need to set the pace and the schedule. I am so thankful Jason is different from me. I am so thankful there is a balance there. A balance I didn't know I needed.

So reader, figure out yourself, spouse and kids. Then as you realize what it is they are I think it will enable us to be more intentional in how we parent. This job is not for the faint of heart. You are doing a good work and you can not come down from it!

*pics are of Hope sporting her new hair style, Wyatt at his Mimi's 60th bday party, and Caroline in a tent at home! Enjoy.

The Classifieds

Okay so another little nugget of learning about Allison. I think it is important to be able to laugh at oneself...or at least to tell a story in a way that others for sure can laugh at you. This dear reader I hope does just that.

I think I have mentioned in previous posts that I am a bit naive. That...I just have never seen the perverted side of things. Honestly, I am thankful for this quality. I am thankful that I think people are generally good, honest, loyal etc...this has also been the cause for some heartbreak over the years...but in general I am thankful that I see the world the way I do.

It is the summer before my freshman year of college. Mom and dad have said that it is time for me to find that ever coveted summer job. Uggghh! Really...a summer job? Ok...I think about what I like/love to do and think surely can't there be a job that I can do for the summer that I would like/love? Mom suggests that I look in the classifieds. No problem.

Now with my background in theater and dance I am of course drawn to anything with any kind of performing background. I begin to scan the paper...there it is...the perfect job it reads "Dancer wanted". Perfect. I call in to my mom and say there is a place looking for a dancer. Mom thinks it surely has to be divine (again remember the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree). She says to call. I do.
Me: Hello, yes sir I just saw your add in the paper looking for a dancer. I have a long resume of dance experience and would love to talk to you about auditioning.
Man: Yeah you got a problem going topless?
Me: Excuse me?
Man: Yeah topless.
Me: Ummm yes sir I have a problem going topless.
(we hang up)
Mom you won't believe it. He wanted to know if I would go topless.
(Both of us extremely horrified at the events that have just taken place. I pick the paper up and begin looking again.)

Me: Oh mom, here's another ad saying "Dancer wanted". I think I will call.

Now...let's pause here. Most of you would say that you detected the kind of establishment before the first phone call. Many of you would say that you sure as heck could determine what kind of place it was going to be the 2nd time around especially after the first phone call. Not me. No sir. I call the second one.

Me: Yes sir I see your ad looking for a dancer and I wanted to ask you...
Man: Yeah you got a problem going topless?
Me: Yes sir, yes sir I do.

And there you have it. My quest for a summer job in Kansas City. Wow! Who knew dancers were in such high demand. Who knew, there would be a dupe like me to not figure it out at least before the 2nd phone call.

I guess the beautiful thing here is that I didn't go down there to apply in person! Yikes can you imagine? I hope you have enjoyed a little laugh, or a big one for that matter. And remember, if the ad says "Dancer Wanted" it is not for a Macaroni Grill kind of place but with dancing instead of singing...no...no it's not at all.

A Lone Horse

When you see the words "best friend" what do you think of? Is it that girl that you talk to every day be it relative or not? Is it that girl that you share everything with...probably more than you should? Is it that girl that you share clothes with, finish their sentences, have in the birthing room with you...have to see daily or for sure weekly? Is it that necklace you had in middle school that you wore half and your best friend wore the other?

Do you have a best friend as an adult? I have thought on this subject often. See...I don't think I have a best girl friend...NOR do I think there is a girl out there that is calling me her best friend. I don't share this for the "Oh sweet Allison, I'll be your friend." No, I have friends...I just don't believe that I am, or have a best girl friend.

I have always grown up much more interested in guy friendships. I always seemed to have more guy friends, and honestly preferred them. Girls (growing up) seemed shallow, petty, back stabbing, dis-loyal. Now, don't get me wrong I had some good girl friends growing up...they were in my wedding and I love them. But who I wanted to talk to, and make sure was in my day to day were guys. If I could have had a guy be my maid of honor...I would have.

Interesting, in college I had a best friend who was a guy my freshman year. We grew up in the same church and found ourselves at TCU together. We did everything together and talked almost every day if we didn't see each other at some point. I would go on dates w/ his friends and he with mine. When we came back to school for our sophomore year we had been apart our whole summer doing different summer jobs and as we were riding in his car to his off campus house to hang w/ our friends he told me we couldn't be best friends anymore. I was shocked. I was hurt. He was right. He went on to say that he knew he wasn't going to marry me and because of that and in hope of his future wife I couldn't be his best friend. I learned many things from this friend on mine in those college years and this was one of the huge lessons. I couldn't and shouldn't have a boy be my best friend...in hopes of my husband some day.

I think what I am trying to say is that sometimes I feel weird that I don't have a best girl friend...nor do I really want one. I will see someones fb status and it will say something like, "I can't wait to hang w/ my bestie tonight." I can't even imagine typing that. Honestly...for me it is Jason. I want to be with him every day. I can't go a day without talking to him. I like the occasional girls night out...but weirdly I seem to always be checking my watch excited to go home to him.

I think on this and realize that I didn't grow up watching a mom have girl friends that she hung out with. Mom says I am genetically predisposed to this. It was always our family doing things together. Then on the other side I watch my mother in law have a group of girls that she has known forever. They do tons of stuff together. From lunches to trips. This concept is so foreign to me.

I think I keep wanting to be someone's best friend. But that takes a lot of work. I don't feel like I am a good enough listener to be someone's best friend. But then I think about Jason. He is my best friend. I don't say that cheesily...I am good with this. It is different than the norm,I think....but maybe you reader find yourself like this too and it's helpful to know that you aren't alone.

So today...I am deciding to be okay with being a lone horse. When I have a problem honestly I find myself talking to the Lord about it or Jason. I journal and write it down. It is rare that I pick up the phone and call a girl friend to ask their advice. I think it's great if you have that. But I am deciding that I don't need to be like others. I need to stop looking to my left and right to see how I am doing (Thanks Andy Stanley for a great sermon series called The Comparison Trap).

*pics from this years GA bowl game, our wedding and honeymoon in Aruba

Big Rocks

As we were getting ready to leave Kansas this past Christmas my dear sweet sister-in-law handed us a gift. It was a large glass container w/ a plant in it and several rocks. She and my brother wanted to encourage Jason and I to determine what our "big rocks" were going to be for 2012 and put those in first and let all the little ones come in after it.

I remembered reading that kind of idea and actually heard Andy speak on it once at our church. Still such a good hands on kind of exercise for our family to set in place those things that will take priority for our family in 2012. We did the exercise and wrote the words in sharpie on the rocks and they are a visual reminder of what we said is important for 2012.

I asked our kids some of their ideas for what they thought was most important for the next year. They said some great things...like dates w/ mom and dad. I love that. That idea turned into the big rock of "intentional one on one time with each child".

They said going to the beach. For us that turned into the big rock of "family of 5 vacation time". We may not be able to go to a specific place, but we can be specific in our time together.

We have some other financial, marriage, and health kinds of rocks too. But the one that seems to stick out in my head is this one thing of "protecting our nucleus of 5".

I am kind of coming to terms with the fact that I will be 37 this March. I am my own adult. We have a mortgage. We, ourselves have 3 children. We alone are a family. As our children get older I am realizing the need to protect our family. Meaning...there will be times when we have to say no to friends and other family members because it isn't what is best for our family. I had this conversation with my mom when they were here a couple of weeks ago. She received it so well and agrees with how Jason and I are processing the thought that we are a family first, and then siblings and parents come in to play. Mom and I discussed that that might mean I don't drive to Kansas AS often as before b/c it just might be too difficult. It might mean holidays look different...I love how mom received that. We might never wake up in Kansas on Christmas any more...we may choose to make sure our kids have Christmas in their own home and then travel. Mom said that's great. Most families do that.

So...I guess this is to say that Jason and I are growing up. Prioritizing our family first...then letting the rest of the rocks settle into place. I just want to encourage you reader to protect your little nucleus also. To figure out what works for your clan and then let the rest fall. What are your big rocks?

Having a Big Brother

I have shared about a lot of people who have influenced my life, but I haven't shared about my big brother yet. Darren. A big brother should be lots of things (especially to a little sister)...antagonizer, defender, coach, counselor, team mate, judge, path paver, and friend...I believe Darren did all of that, and still does to some extent.

Darren was that big brother that when a big ol Kansas thunderstorm would sweep through in the middle of the night would let me crawl in bed with him and he would read me a story until I fell back asleep.

Darren was that big brother that tried new wrestling moves out on me.

Darren was that big brother who taught me how to shoot a basketball.

Darren was that big brother who would use me as target practice. Let me explain. We lived out in the country and our long driveway was made up of rock pebbles. I would ride my bike up and down the main road - so going horizontal to the house...our driveway was vertical to the main road (alright so my big brother just read this and corrected me through his laughter that actually it is perpendicular...ugghhh). Darren would stand in the driveway and have batting practice w/ the rock pebbles and I was his moving target. Ha!

There was a season when every time Darren would walk by me he would poke me in the stomach and smack me on my forehead...every time.

Darren was that big brother who used to charge me to wear his clothes (I know...it was the late 80's early 90's and baggy was in). That was quickly stopped once Dad heard about it and he began to charge Darren to wear his clothes.

Darren was the big brother who told me that I should never ever use the middle finger for anything. It was very bad. I was too young to know exactly what it meant. Fast forward a couple of days and we are at friends of the families house. Our parents have gone out to dinner...so it is Darren and me and then the other families daughter and one of her friends...they were older, maybe late middle or early high school...They began to do sign language. They wouldn't tell me what they were saying...I got so mad. I then proceeded to say, "Oh yeah, well here's a sign I bet you don't know." And I flashed that middle finger. Classy...oh yeah. They began to laugh. I immediately was horrified at my actions. My parents laughed.

But Darren was also the big brother who taught and challenged me in my choice of purity for my life. And he also taught me about what to expect on a date. Let me explain. My sophomore year of high school for Christmas my brother gave me a solid gold ring. It was a simple band. Looked like a wedding ring. He said this was my purity ring. He challenged me to remain a virgin until I got married. I took that challenge very seriously. Darren also would take me on dates. This didn't really happen that much until we were in college at TCU together. His senior year, my freshman. He would call early in the week and ask me out on a date. He would arrive on time, in a suit with flowers. He would open doors. He paid the check. He asked me questions and didn't totally dominate the conversation. He would take me home, walk me to the door and give me the biggest hug. My brother had this way (still does) of whispering these megga challenges or truths in my ear as he is parting ways with me...on these dates he would say things like, "This is what you deserve from a man, and what you should expect. Take nothing less."

On my wedding day I was able to give Jason my purity ring. I had it attached to the inside of his wedding ring. It was an awesome moment...he always has it with him. I am so very thankful for the challenges that my brother put before me.

I am not sure what my parents did to enable Darren and I to have a healthy sibling relationship. I think lots of things played into it...family vacations, family time together at home. Going to all his games...he to all my shows. Family dinners. We really didn't become friends until he went off to college. Something was fostered early...and bloomed as young adults. I am so very thankful.

I pray my children have adult relationships that are healthy. I pray that I can do little things now to foster that. That also means there will be the poking and slapping every time they walk by one another. It means they will climb in bed with one another to seek peace...I pray it means big truths will be whispered in each others ears as they part company...siblings...what a glorious gift from the Lord!

*pics are of Darren holding Caroline after she was born (he drove from Kansas for the birth, stayed less than 24 hours and drove back), and a pic from our rehearsal dinner...clearly he is telling me something important about marriage.

Jesus and Jello Shots

You read it correctly - Jesus and Jello shots. I thought that might get some intrigue. Here's the story.

I had the awesome opportunity as a kid to grow up in a city where "community theater" was really quite professional. Sometimes there would be as many as 3000 people a night there to watch the shows. I was taught and trained up with some of the best people, directors and choreographers I have EVER worked with. I started doing shows out at Theater in the Park the summer before my 6th grade year. My mom started doing the shows out there with me too. What a great way to let me learn my passion while still being near to enough to answer questions.

I am now a sophomore in high school and had done several summer shows. The theater had never done any shows during the year b/c it was an outdoor theater. Well this particular year they decided to enter a competition during the school year. I can't remember the competition but basically we had one hour to put up the set, perform the show and strike the set. They were doing "Jesus Christ Superstar". I was the youngest person cast in the show. It was a small cast. I had a blast. Sometimes after rehearsal we would all go out...now nothing crazy just Applebees down the street. My fellow cast members would offer to buy me alcohol but I never wanted any. I was, and am that pretty straight black and white arrow. If it was against the law, or wrong I pretty much didn't do it. You know...they were all cool with me not drinking. No one ever made fun of me. Thankful for that. I think if I had been made fun of...it might have pushed me out of the theater.

Now fast forward to the cast party. My parents were great. They totally wanted me to have all of the experiences that come with being in the theater and the cast party is one of those things. They thought it would be a good idea to offer to have one of the parties out at our home out in the country...the only deal, my parents wouldn't be providing the alcohol. My parents drank...it wasn't that...they just didn't want to serve alcohol in that environment. I got it. Everyone in the cast did too...again...no one ever said (at least to our faces) Oh that Unruh family....

The party is so fun. I am loving having our house full of all of my friends. Jesus walks over to me (well, the guy who played Jesus, and his wife - ha) and offered me a little cup with jello in it. I said "sure." They said, "really?" I liked jello...why wouldn't I take one...or two...

Not sure I should insert this thought because you might have already figured it out...but I was/am a bit naive.

I take that jello and squish it around in my mouth. Do the 2nd one...love it. People start asking me if I really did the jello shot. I'm like, "What's a jello shot?" I learned they have alcohol in them! Hilarious! I thought they were called jello shots b/c of the little glasses they were in, not b/c it was an actual shot. I went and told my mom b/c I knew she would think it was funny. She did...and honestly, my mom had the same reaction. I don't fall far from the tree.

We all laughed a ton that Jesus served me my first jello shot!

Pensive Thoughts

This from my reading today in "Jesus Calling".

"Hardships are part of the journey too. I mete them out ever so carefully, in just the right dosage, with a tenderness you can hardly imagine. Do not recoil from afflictions, since they are among My most favored gifts. Trust Me and don't be afraid, for I am your Strength and Song."

Dear reader...take heart in these words. I love the phrase "with a tenderness you can hardly imagine." I hadn't thought about the Lord tenderly giving me afflictions or hardships. I haven't thought of it as a punishment...but certainly not done w/ tenderness.

Oh sweet reader today I just want you to remember that He cares for you. I read in a friends blog...(you must check her site out Lil' Light O' Mine @ http://lillightomine.com) about her reminder today that mom's are awesome.

You are! Don't forget that. It is so easy to have the mood sweep in...to allow the enemy to steal our moments w/ depression, regret, comparison, wishing, longing, retreat...my moods seem to storm in sometimes almost claiming their space. Dear reader...dear Allison being a MOM is so special. I am uniquely created. I am precious to Him...to many....so are you! Being a woman is special. Claim it. Embrace it. Don't allow (allison) those thoughts to captivate and steal or take away your joy. Don't allow the current affliction to rob me of one moment w/ my kids, or my man.

I ought to say the prayer more often when that mood creeps in that I teach my kids to say..."Jesus help!" I am so thankful that when I was little my mom taught me to just utter his name and he would be there to help. I teach this to my little ones...but sometimes I think I usually utter it when I am in the middle of a difficult discipline moment with a child instead of in a sad moment. So today...for no reason in particular...Jesus help!

Thank you for your care in our afflictions. Thank you for your tenderness. Take my mood. Sweep it away just like it swept in. Thank you...may you be my Song today!

*pics are just some fun shots of my sweets at their 3 month photo sessions! Oh my!

Wyatt's Birth

First some updates. We are on day 6 of Wyatt being dry AND clean all day long! Woah! That beats last weeks post...if you haven't read it and you need a laugh please read The Humor in Potty Training.
Education stuff...We are in the middle of visiting different schools in the area this week. Three different university style schools and the public elementary school our kids would go to. I have found that I like the "what" they are teaching at two of the schools but the presentation of the environment is sub par. I know I have been ruined by North Point to think that everything can be done with excellence. Environments can be engaging and capture the hearts of a child...but then I see these two schools and think there is nothing visually that makes me want to learn...much less I can't imagine my kids wanting to learn here. Then we go to an awesome place last night...I told someone that I feel like I have just tried on the $5000 wedding dress at the sweet little boutique that you know you can't afford. Why do we torture ourselves this way. So I am setting up the tour w/ our public school and I'll let you know how that goes. I am almost to the point where I just a decision to be made. Praying for perseverance in this process. Praying for an ability to let my husband process this differently. Peace. Like mindedness...

Ok enough of the updates. Now for today's post.

I wanted to share about what the Lord did in my heart during Wyatt's labor. Let's rewind just a moment. When we had Caroline it was just Jason and I. No other family in the room. For Wyatt's birth I really wanted to have my mom in there. She had had C-Sections with both my brother and I and hadn't had the opportunity to see a birth...I thought she should have that opportunity. Plus, my mom and I are really close and I wanted she and I to have that memory together. I wasn't excluding my mother in law. We have a good relationship. I just wanted it to be my mom. I am sure I'm not the only one out there who has done this. So now it's Dec 4, Jason's birthday. We are at one of the many doctor's appointments. Jason is actually with me because we were going to do an amnio to see about inducing that week even though I was only 37 weeks. I was measuring big and we wanted to deliver b/c of my diabetes etc. When the doc comes in he just starts talking like we know what he is talking about. I stop him and say, "Wait we aren't getting an amnio?" He says, "No sorry I thought the nurse told you. Your fluid levels are too low to do one and you need to go right now to be induced and we need to deliver this baby." What?!!! So excited call my mom she throws a bag together and leaves for the airport in about 30 minutes...I mean she has to make it here in time for the birth. This is my special moment with my mom.

She ends up getting here that night. Stays w/ Caroline and then the next day around noon I think comes to hospital. My mother in law comes too and it was a great day of those two and Jason being there. You may not know my birth story with Caroline but the short story is that my epidural didn't work the whole way with her. I felt every contraction but nothing else. Still very painful...they assured me it was just a weird thing with that birth...well come to find out two babies later this might just be how my body does epidurals. So with Wyatt the epidural wasn't working the whole way again. It was a day of "let's try this position" to get the baby to come down b/c let's be honest...I was 3 weeks early and nothing had begun to change physically so it just takes time to do that synthetically.

I finally just decided to have them stop trying to get me comfortable. I knew I could make it through the pain. I had done it once before. I would rather have things progress than not have the pain. Things still hadn't begun to change...it is now around 7pm. The doc had just checked me as she was going off her shift (this is the 2nd doc) and I was just a 4...still just a 4! To say I was frustrated was mild. But I knew something would change if we just gave it time. So the 2nd doc goes off shift and now I will have a doc that I had never met. So now at 7pm things begin to change. My mom can tell and says that maybe she and Bettie (mother in law) should just leave and give me some time. Jason was there. I had him right by my side at my head so I could squeeze his hand if I needed. I was laying on my left side...trembling...shuddering...and breathing through some very intense contractions. My eyes are closed...and I begin to have one of the most precious moments with the Lord. I felt like the Lord was impressing on my heart that this birth wasn't about me...

Now...let's pause...because if you know me you know that I do love for things to be about me on occasion. I love to be in front of a microphone. I love communicating. One of the reasons I love having babies is that I actually love the birthing experience. I love feeling so special like you do when you are birthing a child. Back to the story...

...this birth isn't about me. I felt like I was to invite Bettie to be in the room too. I talked through the next 45 minutes as I was in intense pain with the Lord about this. He said to my heart this isn't about you today this is about Bettie she needs to be in this room. I couldn't believe it. The Lord was again asking me to be obedient about something I wanted one way and he wanted another.

Now it is 7:45 and I am feeling major pressure. I tell Jason to go get the nurse. It takes them about 15 minutes to get in there. I was ticked about that. When they enter though the new doc that I had never met comes in. She says, "Hi I'm Dr. Dodder. I can see you are woman who has an epidural, but you look like a woman who doesn't have an epidural. Let's check you." She does. She says it's time. Through a contraction I tell Jason to go get our moms. He does. And in true Jason fashion he just tells them it's time and to go stand in the corner and don't say a word. They do.

I had transitioned from a 4 to a 10 in 45 minutes. I gave one push and she told me to wait b/c we would be having this baby on the next push. I couldn't believe it. I pushed for 1.5 hours w/ Caroline. I pushed through the next contraction and Wyatt Christopher was born.

I am so very thankful I was able to hear the Lord's voice in all of that. Because see those two women are two of the most amazing prayer warriors. I knew they were praying up a storm during that birth...because just a few moments after he is born and the nurses are looking him over the doc gets my attention and says the following..."Allison, your baby is doing just fine but I want to show you something. She then holds up the cord...it is in a perfect knot. She said she hadn't ever seen one of these before and the cord isn't ever supposed to be like this..and that things could have turned out much different. He was a miracle."

Thank you Lord for your protection over Wyatt. Thank you Lord for speaking to my heart in the most unexpected moments. Thank you Lord for women in my life speaking prayers over us...who love you and love me. Thank you Lord.

*the pics are of the cord and the grandmother's holding Wyatt right after he was born. He was really bruised in his face b/c he came through the birth canal so fast. And then the last one of me w/ our great doctor.

I Hope You Dance

I have spent a significant amount of time sharing about my mom or important things she has taught, shown, or said to me. I thought I might take a moment and share about my dad.

To say he is thorough is an understatement. He makes lists. He documents EVERYTHING. He has a file folder for literally everything. I think my Cabbage Patch dolls had files in his drawer growing up! HA! It is very handy when you wonder about something or wish you had a map (who uses maps anymore?! Dave Unruh) of southern Illinois...dad would go to his "map" file folder and there it would be! Beautiful.

Dad was another teacher of hard work. Practicing things hard. If you wanted to be good at something you practiced. If we signed up to do something (soccer, ballet, etc) you finished your commitment. Dad taught me how to lay tile, change a tire, the oil (not sure I can do that anymore), balance a check book (down to the penny). Another little tid bit dad taught me which I think is genius is this...(he taught me this as I was leaving for college and would be "on my own") that when you take your car in to have work done on it. Say a part needs to be replaced. Ask the mechanic to place the old part in your trunk or something so you can make sure that they actually replaced the old part. You also want them to put the box that the new part came in in your trunk as well so you can document that it was an actual new part and not some other broken part they had at the shop. Beautiful.

Daddy taught me about studying God's word. I can still see him studying especially on Saturday nights as he was preparing to teach his Sunday School class the following morning. He taught me about a man leading a home. I still remember that a few times a year my dad would lead our family in communion there at home. It was beautiful.

My dad has a nickname among our family...Safety Dave. Oh my he is safe. Everything has a good reason...most of the time its stuff I would never think about...but Safety Dave does!

One specific story I wanted to share in this post. Let me set the stage for you. My wedding day is approaching and I was sending the DJ a list of songs that we wanted played at the reception. My dance w/ Jason, Jason with his mom, and I told dad that I needed ours. I wanted him to pick it out if he wanted. He told me not to worry about it and he would choose the song and give it to the DJ. Cool. Because he is so thorough I knew it would be taken care of. Fast forward to the reception. It is now time for the Father/Daughter dance. I was excited and emotional over dancing w/ my dad. Besides walking down the isle with him this seemed like the last kind of emotional daddy thing I would do with him. I had danced w/ my dad lots of other times in our home growing up. He is a good dancer. He learned in that old school kind of slow dancing way that the man actually leads. He uses his hand in the small of your back to direct which way you should go...really cool. Not that many men seem to know how to dance this way anymore. So the music begins and a favorite of my parents and mine begins..."I Hope You Dance". Tears for sure while we begin dancing. All eyes are on us. The little twinkle lights above us are just so...its lovely. We are coming up on maybe the first chorus ending and all of a sudden the DJ begins talking to me over the speaker : side note...I had no idea what was happening I was so ticked at the DJ for starting to talk to me during my special dance with my dad...until I heard what he was saying: Allison your dad had a few words he has written down that he wanted me to share with you.

This is what it said. Now read this as you think about the song lyrics too.

When I meditated on the word GUIDANCE, I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word. I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.

When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky. When one person realizes and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music. One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing lightly in one direction or another. It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully. The dance takes surrender, willingness, and tentativeness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word GUIDANCE. When I saw "G," I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i." "God, "u" and "i" dance." God, you and I dance. As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that you & Jason would get guidance about your life. Once again I became willing to let God lead.

My prayer for you and Jason today is that God's blessings and mercies be upon you and your family on this day and everyday. May you abide in Him as He abides in you. Dance together with God, trusting Him to lead and to guide you through each season of your life.


Woah! I was crying. Daddy was crying. Those at the reception were crying...lovely guiding words said from my daddy. I have thought of this advice and prayer several times in my young marriage. About this dance that Jason and I do. Gentle guidance...a willingness to surrender sometimes to the others leading...and honestly that Jason and I would allow God to lead us...not ourselves.

So reader...I hope you dance as well. That you allow the Lord to teach you about what it means to dance with him. Be encouraged. He loves you that much!

*pics my dad walking me down the isle at our home. One of my favorite pics of dad and Caroline at 15 months. I used to ride the tractor w/ my dad ALL the time growing up.

Guest Blogger - Help?!!

Okay so I am not sure this has been done much before or ever...not that I am really that cutting edge folks. Here's my thought. My parents just arrived last night from Kansas for a little visit w/ the Georgia contingency of our family! I love it. Wyatt has been wearing the coon skin hat they gave him all over the place today...so very fun. Caroline hasn't left my mom's side for very long at all. It's good to have the parentals in town.

I often refer to things my mom has said or taught me on this blog. I thought what a fun thing to have a little guest blogger to all you readers out there. Now, I don't know if you are a mom w/ little ones, single, divorced, stay-at-home, working mom, a guy...whichever I thought a little wisdom from my mom might be great.

Never done this before...let's try it out.

Thinking back to your years with little ones is there anything you wish you would have done more of or less of?

Remembered. Written. Pictured. Remembered.

In the thick of it all, you think you will never forget. But....you will. Period. I thought I'd never forget those fabulous moments that brought tears, those moments that struck terror, those that found us all rolling on the floor with laughter. I thought I'd never forget the pivotal moments of development...but, I did. I thought I'd never forget the precious word combinations or the unusual questions....but for the most part, I did forget.

You have the most wonderful tools available now for logging the words, pictures, and thoughts of parenting. I urge you to do this. You think you'll remember...but you won't.

I wish I'd have done even more praying and Bible reading with my children. Though prayer and the Bible seemed to surround every bit our our home's flurry, I wonder if Darren and Allison ever actually learned to use the scriptures to pray the power of our Faith while they were children. I am deeply thankful for all the other people who poured into their spiritual hearts as they grew to adulthood.

I'm genuinely thankful that I determined to pray purposeful prayers for their health in different ways. I'd pray for health spiritually, intellectually, physically, and emotionally. There was always more I could've done to share with them the power and peace they experienced because of these prayers.

We always took vacations. Not because we could afford luxury...but, because we knew our parenting had to be experiential. Lots of camping....lots of road miles......lots of hotdogs. Didn't matter......lots of the kind of family heart-and-mind-joining that only comes when the TV is off.....the phone doesn't ring.....and focus is on the people you value most. I'm thankful to my core that we vacationed each year.

I prayed for their life mates from the moment I learned I was pregnant. Teri and Jason are the perfect mates for Darren and Allison. Now, I pray for the mates of my grandchildren. Can't wait to see who the Lord brings to complete His purposes.

We laughed..alot. I thought picnics during winter, food fights, wearing your clothes wrong side out, learning to swim in a pond, and crazy surprises that didn't cost money were essential. I loved getting in the van and letting Darren and Allison call the journey's path.....turn right..turn left....go straight....back up! All in the simple attempt to get to Stilwell Grocery for some ice-cream-on-a-stick!

We raised and buried lots of pets. Tis a good thing to plan a funeral for a pet. A good and lasting thing.

We caroled to our neighbors and offered homemade Christmas gifts each year. Blizzard or not. We sang. I'm glad.

I had very cheap stems for them to use at the china-laden table. It was very important to me that they learn to drink from stemmed glasses, fold a cloth napkin in their lap, serve their plates, carry on dinner-time conversations, and sit in place until the meal was actually over. Sunday dinner is a tradition we continue to this day. It is in this setting that they learn their family traditions, ancestry, and legacy.

I'd save clothing that was special, and be turning it into a quilt for them now. Didn't do much of that. Though it is good to look back and evaluate the job completed (with some wished for 'what could've been' moments), I can honestly say that I did my best. And, that is all any parent actually can hope for......doing the best you can at the moment.....and praying you don't screw up your kids! Darren and Allison live lives reflecting their love of their Lord. That's quite sufficient.

It was very important for my children to see me fulfilled in adult things....not only in my role raising them. They watched me sing concerts, make records, travel, run an in-home business, write children's musicals, direct the children in performing arts programs at church, do Bible studies, create and direct thriving theater camps and audition troupes, and.......have friends.

Are there things in that season with little ones that you wish you and daddy would have done differently or the same for your relationship?

Easy......we rarely had a date outside our Bible Study meetings or church choir practice. We found things that we wanted to do together, but we never made convicted time for just the two of us to date. We have a great marriage and God has honored our intentional living......but, it would have been smart to have some date nights more regularly than the annual anniversary. It was hard because we just flat loved being a family so much......Dave and I always felt very complete when we were all together as a family. We weren't those parents who found our children annoying or fatiguing. Quite the opposite. We were energized by them......so, most of the time we were together as a family unless we were with our Bible Study/Choir friends. Forty-four and 1/2 years later......doesn't seem to have taken a toll. We are still devoted to our family.......but, are learning better the balance of dating (which is kinda fun in your late 60's!!)


Open forum mom...(this could be scary folks) what would you like to say to the readers?

"Be anxious for nothing; but, in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And, the peace of God which passes all understanding will keep your heart and mind through Jesus Christ, our Lord." Phil. 4:6-9

Let this scripture penetrate......Pray it....Memorize it.....Let the Holy Spirit do It's work inside you. When your heart is broken, He will keep it. When your mind is racing with worry, He will keep it. Worry and broken hearts are always offered to parents. Resist. Let Him keep you.

Several years ago the Lord spoke to my heart a truth that has become a way of life for me. I am done with worry. Period. I am done with the hammering reminders of a broken heart. Period. Though I intend to let Him teach me afresh when worry and brokenness are my lot in life, I will NOT be absorbed by them. I will, instead, be absorbed by Him. His word to me that August several years ago:

"Guard well your worry. It is rather more a thief than a counselor."

True. Foundationally true. Develop the discipline to resist worry. Don't allow it to run amuk in your mind and heart. Let Him keep you. Let Him keep your heart. Let Him keep your mind. This life pattern will shape your parenting, your relationships, your peace. Learn it early. Abide in Him.

Staying in Him will be the hardest work of your life while the battle rages for you to accommodate worry and your broken heart. Stay the course. Do not let worry and brokenness win. Pray this scripture.....meditate on this scripture.....let it have it's full work in you.


*pic is from my wedding day w/ mom and dad

The Humor in Potty Training

Alright folks. This post is intended for laughter...at us perhaps. It is intended to let you know you aren't alone. To encourage you through humor that potty training isn't for the faint of heart. A friend of mine said I should blog about Wyatt's experience so far b/c it has been cause for laughter. Honestly, that is what has kept me sane through this with him.

I will try to capture some of the moments that we have had...I truly hope you laugh and feel good about where you are in the process from this post! Here goes. Warning...it is a bit graphic! Ha! These are true stories.

Let me set the scene for you. Most of these involve Wyatt running around w/ just a shirt on. My thought process behind this is that he has way more success when he isn't clothed. So when we are here just us...naked he shall be. As he is sitting on the potty the following conversation occurred:
W: Mommy my penis is growing
Me: Well, that happens
W: But why?
Me: I don't really know buddy. That's the way God made you.
-he gets off potty is flushing toilet
W: I don't want it big, I want it small. (he then begins to push it into himself trying to make it be smaller again)
Me: I'm sorry bud. You may just need to talk to daddy about this one.

I realized about 3 months into this fun process w/ Wyatt that he really needed this to be a fun experience. He really needed to be able to say all those potty humor things and words that we really don't want our little ones to say b/c horror of horrors what if they say it in the middle of Target - right? So, we have told Wyatt he can say all of those things when he is in the bathroom and on the potty. The boy has just crossed the threshold and out come the words - "tooty, booty, poopie, pee pee, mommy poopie, daddy poopie, hopie hoopie poopie (you name it he has probably said it)...

In this needing it to be fun I had been saying that when he had an accident it wasn't funny- poop couldn't be funny if it was an accident BUT if he went on the potty it was HILARIOUS! We will laugh and celebrate at the size of the poop (oh things I NEVER thought I would do).

We will also talk about how big of a splash his poop will make in the water when he puts it in there. Oh my...as I write this down I am just a little horrified.

These next two stories take the cake...I have saved the best for last - be horrified.

Me: Wyatt you just pooped on the floor.
W: I did. Oh man.
Me: Bud that is not funny. That is not acceptable. Stay right there while I get some paper towels to clean that up. Don't touch it.
- I go get paper towels
Me: Where did the poop go? Wyatt did you touch it? (inflection in my voice rises)
Caroline: No mommy he didn't touch it. Zeker (our dog) just ate it.
-me screaming, shuddering, running out of room

The grand finale!

Me: Wyatt how are you doing? Let mommy know if you need to go potty.
W: Ok mommy.
-about 5 minutes pass
W: Mommy Lighting is in the mud.
Me: You left him outside?
W: No he's here in the mud getting dirty.
-I look over. Wyatt, who is naked waist down had been sitting in our kitchen chairs and had pooped. Not even missing a beat it seems like the perfect place to have lightning go "mudding". Nasty.
Me: WYATT that is NOT mud that is your poop.
W: It is? Oh man. That is not funny.

There you have it people. All of those stories are pre-Thanksgiving. I am sad to say he just pooped on the floor this morning again. We will move past this stage. He is so not motivated by the same things his sister was. The most success we have is making pottying very parent directed (meaning I say every couple of hours he bud lets go sit on the potty), and making it funny. He liked getting the candy, but the whole poop factor was never motivation to get him on the potty. The prize on the back of the potty...not enough to make him get to the potty. He is hilarious. He is always cracking jokes and trying to make us laugh. I have got to figure out a way to have laughter and jokes be tied even more to getting him to realize he needs to go and running to the potty on his own. Oh the bliss of this season passing!

Be encouraged. Laugh. This too shall pass! (no pun intended)